#every time this happens i resort to telling my main doctor about it and they can usually get it done quicker but like.

[olibavee]

i love (read: hate) when i spend a long time trying to call a medical office to schedule an appointment or a procedure and they refuse to call me back so i have to tell my doctor about it. tattling on you. tattling on you. tattling on you

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝓐𝓾𝓻𝓸𝓻𝓪 𝓐𝓼𝔂𝓵𝓾𝓶: 𝓙𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓨𝓾𝓷𝓱𝓸

𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝙼𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚘𝚡𝚒𝚌 𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚙, 𝚢𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛, 𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚞𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚖, 𝚜𝚞𝚒𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚊𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚒𝚎𝚜, 𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚜𝚞𝚒𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚎, 𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚍𝚎𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚐𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘𝚙𝚒𝚌𝚜. 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗.

𝙿𝚊𝚒𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐: 𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎! 𝙹𝚎𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚈𝚞𝚗𝚑𝚘 × 𝙿𝚜𝚢𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚒𝚜𝚝 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛 (𝙵𝚎𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚎)

𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝙲𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝: 𝟹𝙺

𝙶𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚎: 𝙰𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝, 𝚂𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝙵𝚕𝚞𝚏𝚏, 𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝙰𝚄

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I breathed out an airy and desolate sigh through my nose, obviously I unconsciously did it a little too loud as the raven haired male sitting across from me looked down at the floor.

"It was all my fault.....wasn't it?"

I looked up, the glasses sitting on my nose bridge tilting slightly that I had to push them back up so I could study his features, or should I say, his expressions. His eyelids never blinked once, his eyes were trained on the pattern of the carpet underneath him, but I knew his mind was elsewhere. I looked with pity at the bandages wrapped around his wrists, some of the edges stained with fresh blood. I gulped slightly, my stomach threatening to spill out my meager lunch of an apple and avocado toast slice from earlier. I could handle hearing patients tell and retell me about how they stabbed their parents to death, cut off their significant other's genitals because they were unloyal to them, even tackled a deranged lunatic that once tried to...... seduce me to put mildly.......

But to this day, I can't help but get dizzy when I treat or deal with patients who are self harming victims, because yes, they are victims. Victims of their own self loathing, guilt, and depressive state that isn't their fault. It just pains me so much to see them resort to such drastic measures...

But I'm also not stupid and know some, if not most only do it for attention or to manipulate others, and Yunho is a case not far from it. Which is why I was the one sent to deal with him. All the other psychologists would have fallen for his sad puppy eyes, good looks, well built physique and would have released him too early into the world. Not that he's dangerous and a threat to society, but he's not emotionally nor mentally stable to go deal with daily life yet. And I'm not a softie by any means even if I'm patient and meek doctor when necessary. But I'm objective and I seek deeper into the true person hiding behind the front they put in front of me.

"Do you believe it was your fault Yunho?" Usually one would get scolded for answering a question with a question, but I prefer this method in order to get my patients to reason and draw out their own conclusions......

And makes them pour out their true answers.

I watch Yunho ponder for a moment.

"It has to be- otherwise she wouldn't have...wouldn't have-"

He bites back a choked sob, teeth tightening and gritting against themselves as he fails to contain his tears. His hands cover his face as he begins to cry uncontrollably, desperate and heartwrenching wails resonating throughout the 4 walls keeping us company. Reaching for the purple plaid box on the coffee table between us, I take out a few tissues and stand up from my seat. Lightly tapping on his shoulder, I whisper a 'here' to him. He thanks me, but since he's crying too hard no sound comes out his throat. For the next few minutes, he's blowing out his runny nose, all red just like his eyes from crying too hard. He's sniffling while trying to control his previous hyperventilating session. I want to hug him or at least give him a pat in the back. But I can't, I can only sit back and try to imagine the agony he's probably going through, try to put myself in his shoes as I dive deep into the event that got him here in the first place:

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Coming back from a trip to the store, Yunho momentarily looks around confused when he heard his baby daughter crying. Quickly putting the bags on the kitchen counter, he makes his way over to the nursery that adjoined the main bedroom. Calling out for his wife, he receives no response as he walks down the hallway. He calls once more for her but stops midway as he opens the slightly ajar door. His heart stops beating and his veins run cold as he stares into the lifeless body of his beloved wife hanging in the room, feeling as if the oxygen is being ripped out from his lungs, suffocating slowly.

As if sensing his agitation, his daughter's cries from the other room grow louder, so much that they raise concern from their next door neighbor, a kind and sweet old lady who more than once has offered her help in watching over the child or help them out in any way she could. Typing in the passcode, she makes it there just in time to stop the tall male from inflicting more harm upon himself as he holds onto his wife's body in agony. Having been left with no choice, she immediately calls for an ambulance, who arrive there shortly and take him to a nearby hospital.

He was monitored 24/7 as he had a history of attempted suicide before. The nurses and doctors didn't want another episode to happen again, not wanting to leave a barely 1 year old fatherless as well as motherless. As an investigation went, police found a journal hidden deep between the mattresses on the bed. When they poured over the first pages, they knew there was much more to the story than just a doting husband who couldn't live without his wife, hence why he was relocated to the infamous asylum......

And a specialized woman was tasked to not only unmask the truth, but hopefully help a poor broken mind be put back together again.

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Hence why I'm here now, the folder I had read over and over again still on my lap. It honestly amazed me that I'd actually get to work on a case like this, and of course I took up the challenge of digging into a mind like Yunho's, not just to help him, but to leave a precedent for any other situations like this that came after.

"A precedent?" I remember the officer asking me.

"Yes. You'd be surprised just how common these types of toxic relationships there are in an everyday basis yet no one ever looks deeper because they're too focused treating a depressed person who's trying to kill themselves and don't focus on what they really are...."

Shutting the folder, I tucked it under my arm before turning on my heel.

"A manipulative individual who'll do anything to keep someone tied to them forever."

That's how I viewed Yunho, it's how I should be viewing him. At least until I could hopefully get him to change.

"How's......is my daughter ok?"

I let out a soft hum and nod as I scribbled something down on the notepad.

"She's fine. We're having someone take care of her in the meantime, don't worry."

Yunho let out a sigh of relief, fingers fidgeting against his thighs as he mustered up the courage to say something.

"Could I.....could I please see her?"

From the sad look in my eyes he could already tell the answer was negative.

"I'm sorry Yunho....I'm afraid until we see some improvement, we can't allow you to be reunited with her just yet."

I tried to keep my voice steady as I said that, bracing myself to possibly see him breakdown once more. He had already lost his wife and now learning that his only child was forced away from him could possibly send him spiraling down into another episode.

But Yunho instead took a deep breath and seemed calm.

"I understand.....it's ok..." I knew he was saying those last two words more to himself than to me.

Lifting his face up, he suddenly shocked me by looking so bright and rather happy.

"So I guess it's best if we begin right?"

Even to this day, I don't know whether I should have been delighted to have such a compliant patient.....

Or terrified.

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"Tell me Yunho, what was your first reaction when you saw your wife?"

A subtle hint of a smile curled at the corners of his lips.

"I thought she was the kindest and most caring person in the world, very pretty too. She just walked in and the room instantly lit up."

He was reminiscing about those times, I could tell. That fond look on his face was unmistakable.

"Do you believe you fell in love at first sight with her?"

His smile suddenly dissipated, eyebrows scrunching together as if recollecting memories from so long ago.

"I think.......I felt attracted to her.....but.....I don't think it was love?"

I could tell he felt conflicted with himself, but that's exactly what I wanted. I want him to question every feeling and sensation he felt at the moment so he could decide for himself if it was real or just a mere illusion he held. If he starts to second guess or question what he felt then he'd start reasoning and come to the conclusion that what he felt was wrong and mistaken. He'd see that his actions weren't justified.

"So when do you truly believe you fell in love with her?"

I stopped writing on my notepad and watched him close his eyes as he tried to pinpoint the exact time he felt whatever he thought was love.

"One night....one of our friends was feeling down in spirits. I witnessed how caring she was towards them...kindly reassuring them that they were loved, that they mattered. I vividly remember her kind eyes and loving smile as she comforted them. Then it hit me that she was that kind of person. Selfless, caring, doting, would sacrifice anything for her friends and family...... it was hard for anyone not to fall in love with her."

He turned his hand over, studying the wedding ring that he still wore to this day, the engravings of their initials being his prime interest.

"And at that moment I knew I had to have her. I couldn't let anyone else have her. I wanted her.... that love, compassion, empathy..her confidence and strong nature, I wanted-"

He stopped mid sentence and his eyes wizened in horror as he came to the realization I had foreseen long ago. He looked up at me, meeting my unwavering eyes that held no emotion at that moment.

"She had all the qualities I had always lacked in."

I took my glasses off and nodded.

"And I unconsciously wanted them for myself.... but the only way I could have them was...through her?" He seemed sickened with himself.

"Not exactly Yunho. You could have learnt to love yourself and raise your self esteem." I quickly scribbled my observation down.

"But I didn't. Instead I caged her up and slowly tore her down."

I couldn't help but let out an involuntary smile as he drew out that conclusion.

"Glad to know you've accepted that fact, even if it took several months for you to understand."

Shutting the notepad, I lifted myself up from my chair, straightening my blouse. Yunho followed suit.

"Is our session over?" He was always so polite, always escorting me out and holding the door open for me, which other doctors would have adamantly refused, too scared to come close to their patients. But not me. I let them have certain liberties at times.

"Not yet Yunho. As you've made remarkable progress, I got permission for you to see someone."

He was momentarily confused for a split second. Poor thing probably thought it was one of the nurses coming in to give him some new medication to take, which he hated with a passion. Stepping outside for a brief moment, I happily took the young baby in my arms, the little girl already used to seeing me as I always went to go see her after being with Yunho for a few hours. When I came back inside he had his back turned to me, once again staring off into nowhere. The light gurgled babbles the baby emitted caught his attention immediately. He whipped his head around so fast I thought he'd break his neck for a second. He teared up as the child began squealing in excitement as she recognized her father right away.

"Oh my-" He choked up with tears that he couldn't finish his sentence.

I calmly walked over to him, lightly bouncing the baby in my arms. Yunho hesitantly reached his hands out.

"Can I..?" He had such a hopeful glint in his eyes.

I didn't answer, I merely held his daughter out to him. As soon as she felt his embrace, she latched onto him as if he was one of the teddy bears she often slept with. Perhaps he was one.

No....he is one.

In my time of spending time with Yunho, I've come to strongly believe he is a sweet and tender individual. And judging by the way the little girl feels safe in his arms, I do believe he is capable of being truly loved.....

If he learns how to properly love not just someone else, but himself too.

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Stepping out of my car, I quickly grab the small pink bag on the passenger seat before locking it. Treading through the small patch of green grass, I ring the doorbell and wait for one of the occupants to open up for me. No surprise, I'm greeted by the same raven haired male I met nearly 3 years ago. He looks delighted to see me.

"Y/N. Hi!"

I wave at him, a small but genuine smile on my features.

"Hi Yunho. Did I come at a bad time?" I notice the apron covered in flour and leftover egg on it.

"Oh no not at all. Please come in."

Moving aside to let me pass, my nose catches the scent of baked goods filling the air. I can distinctly recognize the hints of lavender and french vanilla, an odd but surprisingly tasty combination. I spot out of the corner of my eye a little head peeking out from the kitchen, curious to know who had come to pay them a visit. Letting out a squeal, she quickly ran over to attach herself on my leg.

"Y/N!"

I chuckled and lightly run my fingers through her hair which was longer than the last time I saw it.

"Hi Jina, I see you've been baking something." We both chuckle as I scraped off some cake batter that had gotten on the tip of her button nose.

"Me and dad are making cupcakes for my friend's birthday party tomorrow." She explained.

"Wow that's a really nice gesture. I bet they'll turn out delicious."

Remembering that I was short on time and that I had one last task to carry out, I pull out the bag I had hidden behind my back and hand it to her.

"It's for you."

Her eyes began to sparkle so much they could rival all the stars in the galaxy. After thanking me like 20 thousand times, she plopped her tiny body on the couch to tear into the contents inside it. I shake my head before taking out a small paper from inside my trench coat.

"And this is for you."

Taking the slip from my fingers, Yunho opens it up and scans what it says. He seems confused for a moment, not fully understanding what it means. He looks to me once more, probably for the last time, asking for an explanation.

"It's your official release from the institution. No more drop in visits, no more eyes on you 24/7, and soon you won't have to continue with the prescribed medication, although when that happens they will send someone once in a while to check up and make sure you're ok without them."

Yunho nods but it is a rather sad and pained nod.

"So this means you won't be seeing us any longer?"

I inhale deeply and nod.

"This was a temporary thing until you got better Yunho. After all....I was only the doctor assigned to you."

It hurt me to say that as much as it probably hurt him, as much as it'd hurt Jina to know I wouldn't be coming back anymore.

"Can't we at least be friends?"

I hated seeing those puppy eyes of him practically beg me, signature trait he passed on to his daughter.

"That would be completely unprofessional of my part Yunho. I deeply cherish and treasure all the time we spent together and I'm beyond happy and satisfied that you've come so far since the start of our journey..."

I sighed deeply.

"But every journey has an end." He finished my sentence.

Extending his hand out to me, I took it and gave it a firm shake.

"I'm really going to miss you." He admitted.

"Me too. Me too."

Going over to the momentarily forgotten 4 year old, she let out an 'oof' when she suddenly found herself cooped up in my embrace.

"Take care of yourself and of your dad ok?"

I kissed the top of her head, her grinning face not registering that this might be the last time she ever saw me. Yunho walked me out the door and even escorted me all the way to my car. Always the gentleman, he held the door open for me. Before I could even get one foot inside, I felt a large hand grip my wrist. Turning to him, I was flustered when he suddenly pulled me close to him.

"Please don't leave. I need you....I..."

He looked conflicted with himself as he tried to finish his words. Taking a deep breath, he confessed:

"I love you."

My heart sank. He said the 3 words I hoped he'd never direct at me. Mainly because I was scared as he was. Don't get me wrong, Yunho is a wonderful man, and he truly deserves to be loved....

But am I certain that he has finally learned to love? Or is it because he feels he needs me?........

Only one way to find out.

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[watchyourbluesturngolden]

I’ll never stop loving you

Ok, so, this is very heavy. This piece is about eating disorders. As always, this is only about my personal experience. This is probably very triggering, so I don’t recommend reading if you think this will be upsetting. 

This was not easy for me to write. I kind of just started writing one day when I was feeling really bad about myself and then it just kept getting longer. I decided to post it because I know there have to be some other people out there who have these same feelings, and I want to help them feel less alone. 

warnings: eating disorders, calorie counting, insecurity, hospitals/medical stuff

word count: 4.9k

Y/N held back a sigh as she unlocked her phone. She glanced up to make sure Harry's back was still turned before she opened her calorie counting app and entered the apple she had eaten earlier. 

95 calories. That wasn't really so bad. Well... she battled with her thoughts a bit. No, it was fine. If she didn't eat anything else this evening, besides the pasta he was making, that would bring her to just below 500 calories for the day. Perfect. Y/N's relationship with food was... complicated. She had been overweight as a child, and even now she really struggled to keep from gaining weight. At her last doctor's appointment she had been told to try exercising and eating more greens. She desperately wanted to lose weight, but she also had a very hard time staying away from junk food. 

There had been more than one occasion where she's snuck to the kitchen after she was sure Harry was asleep and eaten everything she could get her hands on. She always felt terrible afterwards. She was physically in pain, but the worst part was how ashamed she was.  She often sat on the kitchen floor, crying and wondering what to do. She hadn't resorted to purging, but honestly that was only because she couldn't make it work. She had tried. Several times. She wasn't sure if it was physical or psychological, but she just couldn't. So, most of the time, she just restricted. 

It had been easy when Y/N started, but since she started dating Harry 8 months ago, it was much harder to keep this secret. It was manageable since they didn't live together, but he was very perceptive and asked her several times a day if she was hungry or if she had eaten. She had gotten very good at lying. 

A simple "not really, I actually ate just before you got here," or a "yes, I finished the pizza we made" was enough to satisfy his questions. She could rattle off these answers without missing a beat. Luckily, he never noticed how much food got thrown in the garbage. Every so often, she could tell he was suspicious. That's why she always made sure to let him see her eating at least once a week.

  Even though she was essentially starving herself, Y/N wasn't seeing any results. She had actually gained a pound in the last month. After she saw this, she didn't eat anything for almost 3 whole days. Harry had been away on business, so he didn't see when she nearly collapsed in the shower. He didn't hear her crying at night because she felt so hopeless. She hid it all from him. 

She had only felt more determined to lose weight since that incident. 

"So, I was thinking we'd watch a movie tonight while we eat. Maybe a Christmas one?" Harry pulled her out of her thoughts, turning away from the stove. She quickly closed the app and smiled up at him. 

"Sure, I'll go pick one out," She said, getting up from the table, taking her phone with her.

Harry was a little confused. She usually had no problem with him looking at her phone; they often used each other's interchangeably. They knew each other's passwords and their fingers could unlock the other's phone. Lately, though, she would quickly turn off her screen whenever he looked in her direction. He trusted her completely, but he knew something was going on. 

Y/N was searching through the list of Christmas movies on Netflix. She loved watching them, but they were so upsetting at the same time. The main character was always so skinny, so effortlessly beautiful. Of course she knew it wasn't real, but... still. She knew she would probably never look like that.

Y/N finally picked one. It looked incredibly cheesy, so hopefully she could focus on that instead of how skinny the main character was. 

She made sure her calorie counting app was cleared from her recent apps and went back to the kitchen. She grabbed two plates, already worried Harry would try to dish her food up for her. Luckily he moved away to wash his hands. She used that time to scoop the smallest amount she could (without causing suspicion) onto her plate. She spread it out as much as possible and took a rather large serving of green beans to make her plate look full. 

He turned back around, frowning slightly.

"That's not very much, love. If you don't like my cooking you can just tell me," He joked. 

"No, you're an excellent chef. I just had a big lunch," she smiled, lying right to his face without a second thought.

"Alright, if you say so. Shall we start our movie?" 

"We shall," Y/N laughed, copying his formal tone. 

He smiled as she walked toward the couch. He absolutely adored her, even though she had a hard time appreciating herself. She had never said anything to him, but he could see it on her face when she spent long amounts of time in front of the mirror, inspecting her appearance from every angle. He couldn't figure out why she felt this way. She was absolutely gorgeous. He didn't want to bring it up until she did, not wanting to push her to talk about anything she wasn't ready to talk about. 

Harry started the movie, settling into the couch. About halfway through, Y/N got up to put her plate away and use the bathroom. Harry noticed she took her phone with her again. 

While she was in the bathroom, Y/N quickly opened her calorie app. She estimated how much she had eaten, then added an extra 1/2 cup just to make sure. Her daily total was... 511 calories. She nearly let out a sob. Tears started forming in her eyes, but she quickly wiped them away. She could 𝘯𝘰𝘵 let Harry see her crying. He was so attentive and loving, and would stop everything to find out what was wrong. She closed the app and splashed some water on her face. Luckily, it was dark in the living room and there would probably be a sad part of the movie she could blame her puffy eyes on. 

She stepped back out into the living room, avoiding Harry's eyes as she sat down. She pretended not to notice his concerned look as she started the movie again. 

Sure enough, about 10 minutes later came the sad scene. The main character was breaking up with her perfect boyfriend, because "they just didn't work". Even though it was very cheesy and Y/N knew they would get back together before the movie ended, she couldn't help but get emotional. All the stress of undereating, recording every bite of food she ate, lying to Harry, and eating more than she planned today was building up. She was just so overwhelmed. She couldn't help when the tears started rolling down her face. Harry didn't notice until he heard her sniffling.

"Oh, love, it’s ok! Don't cry, they'll get back together soon, you know they will," He soothed, moving closer and putting his arm around her. 

Y/N couldn't say anything, but Harry being so close just made her feel worse. She felt too big. She felt like she didn't deserve to have such a loving boyfriend.

"I know, I know, I don't know why I'm so emotional today, I'm sorry," She said, wiping her eyes. 

"Why are you sorry? It’s alright if it gets your heart a little. I just hate to see you so sad," He said, rubbing circles on her shoulder with his thumb. 

Having Harry so close, telling her how much he cared about her, was even more overwhelming. Nevertheless, she tried to keep her tears in so he wouldn't ask any more questions. She managed to hold off, promising herself she could cry to her heart's content once he went home for the night. 

Once the movie ended, Harry moved his arm and kissed her hand. 

"Feeling better now? I told you there'd be a happy ending," He smiled sweetly.

  "Yes, much. You were right," She grinned, which quickly turned into a yawn. Harry checked his phone. 

"Oh, it’s way later than I thought. I better get home, let you get some sleep." He stood up from the couch, stretching. Y/N stood too, walking with him to the door.

  After putting his coat and shoes on, Harry gave her a quick peck on the cheek.

  "I'll text you when I get home. Goodnight, Y/N, love you," he said, smiling.

Y/N blushed. "Love you too, babe." 

She was already feeling worse as she watched him drive away. she opened her calorie app, staring at the numbers. 511. How could she have done this? 511 calories. She felt miserable. She got into her bed, staring up at the ceiling. Against her better judgement, Y/N started thinking about her relationship with Harry. What would happen when Harry wanted to... take it further physically? She could barely handle seeing her own body in the mirror without breaking down, how would she let someone else see her? 

Harry was a good guy, she knew he was. She knew he wouldn't pressure her to do anything she wasn't ready for. But... that really wasn't fair for him. It was unrealistic to expect him to wait forever and, what, never have sex again? She very much doubted he would be ok with that. 

The more she thought about it, the worse she felt. Soon, the tears were rolling down her cheeks again. She did nothing to stop them. 

A few minutes later, her phone dinged. She picked it up and saw it was from Harry. 

"Got home safe. Love you darling, sleep well<3 " 

She texted back, "Love you too, talk tomorrow :)" 

She shut off her phone, not wanting to see his reply that would probably be very sweet and would make her feel worse. 

She laid in bed for hours, feeling miserable and wondering what she was going to do, before she finally fell into a deep sleep. 3 days later (she didn't sleep for 3 days I just didn't know how to make this time skip haha) She startled awake after a very unpleasant nightmare. She dreamed she had finally agreed to be intimate with Harry, but at soon as he had taken her shirt off he started laughing. He broke up with her right then and there, telling her no one would ever want to be with her. 

She hugged her pillow, checking her phone. it was 4 A.M. Great. Now she could either try and fall back asleep or give up and sit on her phone until the sun came up. 

She chose the latter. She swiped away the text from Harry before opening tumblr and scrolling through her feed. Pictures of skeletal girls wearing fishnets, high waisted shorts, dresses, whatever they wanted, flashed across her screen. Y/N decided to continue fasting until the end of the week, then decrease her intake to 300 calories per day. She wasn't making progress at 500, so this had to work. It had to. She didn't have anything else to try. She was already doing yoga for weight loss 2 hours every day and eating next to nothing. This was her last option. She rolled out of bed when the sun started coming up and walked to the bathroom, weighing herself. She sighed, seeing she had only gone down 0.2 pounds. Better than gaining, she thought. 

She changed into leggings and a sweater and rolled out her yoga mat. Y/N found her weight loss yoga series and stretched. She usually did every episode 4 times, just to make sure she was getting the full benefits. 

On her second time starting over, she nearly fainted when get got up from the downward dog. She swayed on her feet, quickly getting down on the floor so she wouldn't fall. She laid there until she felt better, then slowly stood up. She sunk into the couch, deciding to be done with yoga for the day. She was exhausted, and she thought she might really pass out if she kept going. 

Her phone dinged and she picked it up, seeing it was from Harry.

  "Good morning love:) The sky's supposed to be clear tonight, want to come over and stargaze?" 

Y/N smiled. He knew how much she loved the stars. 

"Of course! I'll come over around 8?" 

"Sounds good, see you then:)"

  As long as he didn't try to offer her any food, everything would be fine. This would work. She could just tell him she finished the pasta he made so he wouldn't try to give her supper. Perfect. Y/N pulled one of Harry's hoodies out of her closet, slipping it over her jeans. She loved wearing his clothes. it made her feel small and safe and loved. She scooped the rest of the pasta into the garbage, only feeling a little bad for wasting the food. 

She got into her car and plugged her phone into the car speakers, starting Harry's album. She had been playing it on repeat since it came out. The music was already incredible, but what made it even better was knowing it was about her. Harry clearly felt Y/N was amazing, which was hard for her to process. How could someone who looked like that be in love with her? It didn't seem real. 

By the time she got to the third song, Y/N was almost at Harry's house. She pulled into his driveway and unplugged her phone, giving herself a minute to take a breath. Everything would be fine. She would tell him she had eaten the pasta and he would believe her. Everything would work out.

She turned off the car, walking up the path to Harry's door. He opened it before she even knocked, beaming and pulling her into a hug. 

"I missed you, love," He said, squeezing her tighter. 

"Harry, I saw you 3 days ago," She laughed.

"Yeah, well, that's way too long," He shook his head, pulling away from her a bit. "Did you eat? I can find something quick before we get out there-" 

Y/N quickly cut him off. "No, I'm good, I finished the pasta you made. How does your food still taste amazing, even days after?" 

"I dunno, I guess I'm just magical," He laughed. 

He led her out to the back porch, gesturing at the ladder. 

"I figured we'd sit up on the roof. There's a better view, and... it's more private," He smiled. 

Y/N pretended she didn't know what he was implying. 

"Sounds good!" She began to climb up the ladder. Suddenly, she didn't feel so well. She was dizzy and black spots were appearing in the corners of her eyes. "No, no, no," She thought desperately. "Not again! Just focus, one rung at a time, you can do it." 

Luckily, she got to the top and made it onto the roof safely. She sat on the slightly tilted surface, putting her head between her knees.

Harry's head popped up from the edge of the roof, looking very worried. He rushed over, putting his arm around her. 

"Y/N, are you ok? You don't look so good," He said nervously.

"I'm fine, I'm just..." Y/N tried to think of what to tell him. She couldn't exactly say "I'm  dizzy because I haven't eaten in 3 days" because she had already lied about eating supper. "I'm not a fan of heights." 

"Oh, I'm so sorry, why didn't you tell me? We didn't have to come up here!" He looked like he felt terrible, but Y/N was quick to reassure him. 

"No, it's totally fine, I thought I could handle it a little better. I'm ok, maybe just... don't move your arm?" She moved closer into his side. While she felt self conscious with him so close, she really did feel dizzy and worried she might fall if he moved away. She was also freezing cold, despite the warm air, so she liked having his extra warmth.

"Of course I won't." They sat in silence for a few minutes before Harry spoke again. 

"If... if you're feeling alright now, I'd suggest looking up," He said. She could hear the smile in his voice as she lifted her head. 

"Oh... it's... beautiful," She whispered. 

She had never seen such a clear sky. Billions of stars shone brightly, which was weird since there was usually too much light around to see them. That's when Y/N noticed it was a lot darker than normal. 

"Harry, where are all the street lights?" 

He blushed, looking down. 

"I wanted you to be able to see the stars better, so I got the electrician to turn them off for a few hours. He's an old family friend," Harry explained. "He said he had no problem helping me woo a pretty girl." 

Now it was Y/N who was blushing. 

"Well, it worked. I am very... woo'd," She said. They both laughed before looking back up at the twinkling sky. 

"Oh look, there's... that one constellation!" 

Y/N laughed. "Brilliant, Harry, that ONE constellation." 

He smiled. "No, no, it's... I can't think of the name! it's one of my favorites. it's the one shaped like a W. The one that's a queen, sitting on her throne. This'll drive me crazy if I don't remember it." He reached for his phone, hand patting his empty pocket. "Oh, must've left it in the house. Mind if I use yours?" 

Harry didn't miss the split second of panic that crossed her face. He didn't know that she was frantically wondering if her calorie counting app was still open. She knew she couldn't say no without looking very suspicious, so she faked a smile and handed it over.

Thankfully, he didn't even open her recent apps. He just clicked on the safari icon and typed quickly. 

"That's it! Cassiopeia! The beautiful queen on her throne," He said, handing her phone back to her. "Anyways, I think of you when I see that constellation." 

Y/N smiled. "You see me as a beautiful queen?" 

"Obviously, I do," He said, kissing her cheek. 

For the first time, Y/N didn't feel embarrassed to be in his arms. He had always told her he loved her, but comparing her to a literal queen? A queen made out of stars? That was different. 

Y/N was so happy that she didn't mind when Harry's lips lingered on her cheek, then moved to her jaw. They had never done anything except cuddling, so this was all new to her. She leaned into him, getting lost in the sensations. 

Then she started thinking. She realized where this was going as his lips migrated down her neck. Though she was really enjoying this, she started panicking when she thought about what would happen next. 

Her breathing and pulse sped up. Harry smiled into her neck, thinking it was just her reaction to his touch. Then she was pulling away, or rather, pushing him away.

"Stop, stop, I want to stop!"  

He snapped his head up, backing away and holding his hands in the air to show her he wasn't going to do anything.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I should have asked you before I..." he was also breathing heavily. He knew she was inexperienced and was very nervous to try anything new. 

Y/N felt tears springing to her eyes. 

"I- I have to go," She said, swiping at the tears on her face. 

"Wait, Y/N!" 

She was already climbing down the ladder. As soon as she got down, she ran through his house and to her car. Harry was right on her heels. 

Y/N started her car and drove away as fast as she could. She felt bad because she knew Harry was beating himself up right now, thinking he was the reason she freaked out. She just didn't know what to do. She couldn't explain why she had pushed him away without going into... everything. She couldn't tell him the reason she pushed him away was because she hated her body so much it physically hurt. He would just tell her she was beautiful, and then he would probably figure out she wasn't eating enough. He would force her to recover. And... she couldn't do that until she was skinny. 

She pulled into her driveway, running inside. Before she had even gotten up to her room, she heard Harry pounding on her door. 

"Y/N, open the door!" More pounding. "Y/N, I need to know you're ok! Please, you don't even have to let me in, just... text me or something to let me know you're ok! Please!" He kept pounding on the door. 

Y/N crept up the stairs, ignoring his pleas. She felt awful, but she couldn't do anything. He kept pounding and yelling and she got worried someone would call the police, so she pulled out her phone, sending him a quick text. "i'm fine." 

Then she shut her phone off, jumped in the shower, and cried.

By the time she got out, she didn't hear any more noises. She checked her phone, eyes widening when she saw the 27 missed calls and dozens of texts from Harry.

Her phone started ringing again, but she immediately declined the call when she saw Harry's smile light up her screen. She hoped he would get the message. She silenced her phone, settling into her bed and drifting to sleep.

The next day, Y/N startled awake to more banging sounds. She sat up, leaning over to look out her window. There he was, pounding his fists on her side door. "Well," she thought, "At least there's less chance someone will call the cops on him." 

She heard faint yelling and knew she had to do something. He probably wouldn't leave, at least not until she actually asked him to. It was nearly 3 P.M., and she guessed he had been there all day, if not all night. 

She swung her legs over the side of bed, but a wave of nausea and dizziness hit her as soon as she stood. She took a moment to steady herself before stepping out into the hallway. 

Y/N held the railing with an iron grip as she slowly climbed down the stairs. Black spots began to swim in her vision and she felt even worse than before. Then the room spun around her and she fell. 

Harry's p.o.v. He stopped pounding on the door for a minute to call her again. His phone rang for a while, so at least she wasn't just declining his calls. 

Which... was actually worse. What if she wasn't ok? What if she was hurt, or worse? He knew she hadn't left, he had stayed outside her door all night.

  Right before he started knocking again, he heard it. A very loud crashing sound. It sounded like something had fallen down the stairs.

His eyes drifted to the window and he pressed his face against the glass. His view was distorted through the sheer curtain, but he could make out something on the floor at the bottom of the stairs.

He focused his eyes and gasped when he realized it was Y/N, lying in a heap. He ran back to the door, trying again to open it. When it didn't budge, he went to the front and back doors, trying the same. Finally, he decided what he had to do. Harry ran to the back door so no one on the street would see him and picked up a shovel lying in the garden. He took a deep breath, steadying himself, and rammed it into the glass. He rotated the shovel around, clearing all the shards before he climbed through the hole. 

He ran over to Y/N, dropping to his knees and feeling for a pulse on her neck. He nearly sobbed when he felt her heart beating, though it felt pretty weak. He yanked his phone out of his pocket and dialed 911. 

Harry had been sitting in the waiting room for a few hours when the doctor approached him.

"Mr. Styles?" 

Harry stood up quickly.

"How is she?" 

She's doing fine now. But..." He didn't seem to want to tell Harry something. "Mr. Styles, she is extremely malnourished. She fell down the stairs, you said? It seems the reason for this is because she lost consciousness, because her blood sugar was so low. We usually only see levels like this in people with diabetes." 

"She's... she not diabetic, though," Harry said, confused. "And what do you mean by malnourished? I see her eat all the time." He said, voice faltering a bit.

"From her labs and scans, it would seem she hasn't eaten in several days, maybe a week. She also shows signs of chronic undernourishment, which means she's been eating less than her body needs for a while now.  She is extremely dehydrated, and her electrolytes are very imbalanced." 

"But- how could she- I mean, she doesn't-" Harry couldn't seem to collect his thoughts. "Can I see her?" 

"You can. She's not awake, but I'll take you to her room," He said, leading Harry towards her room.

Harry's eyes teared up when he saw Y/N in the bed. She was connected to several machines, and a nurse explained that they were getting her nutrients up and keeping her hydrated. She looked so fragile.

Harry fell into the chair by her bed, clasping her small hand in both of his. 

"Was she- I mean- was she... starving herself?" Harry's voice broke as he spoke to the nurse. 

She offered a sympathetic look. 

"It appears so, yes." 

"What can I do? how can I fix this?" 

"Mr. Styles-"

"Harry." 

"Harry, you're doing everything you can. We've got her, physically. all you have to do is love her and support her. 

"Right," Harry said, looking down. "Thank you." 

The nurse left the room, leaving the two alone. Harry stared into her face, silently willing her to wake up. She had to wake up. This was all his fault. He must've done something that upset her so much she stopped eating. He thought back to last night on the roof when she had pushed him away. Had she felt like this the whole time? Had she felt so unhappy in their relationship that she was slowly killing herself? 

Y/N's p.o.v.

When Y/N woke up, she was in her bed. No, wait, not her bed. A hospital bed? She looked around, confused. 

She saw Harry, asleep in the chair next to her. She tried to say his name, but she couldn't get out more than a hoarse whisper. 

She looked around, searching for something to get his attention with. She settled on the empty plastic cup next to her, throwing it and hitting him in the shoulder. He jerked awake, eyes darting around until they landed on her. Relief flooded his face as he moved his chair closer.

"Y/N, you have no idea how worried I was about you," Harry said in a soft voice. Tears pooled in her eyes as she grasped his hand. 

"I'm so sorry," She whispered. 

"Just... why? Why did you do this? Is it because of me? Do you..." His voice shook and he took a steadying breath. "Did I do this to you?" 

Y/N shook her head frantically, squeezing his hand. "No, no, Harry, you didn't, I promise, this isn't your fault. It's... I've just... I don't know," Y/N's voice broke off as tears started streaming down her face. 

"It's not your fault, Harry. I-I just... I wanted to be... perfect," Her voice sounded so small. "I wanted to look like the girls in the stupid hallmark movies, who are so skinny and... just gorgeous," She said, still crying. "I wanted to look like them and I just wanted to feel pretty and I just hate my body so much," Her words ran together and got harder to understand as she buried her face in her arms. 

Harry's heart broke a little more with each word she spoke. He stood from his chair, situating himself on the bed next to her and putting his arms around her. They just sat like that, Y/N's shaky breaths slowly settling to match his even ones. He could still hear her sniffling every once in a while, but she had mostly calmed down. 

"I love you more than anything else on this earth, Y/N," Harry said softly. "I don't know what I would ever do without you. I'm so sorry I didn't notice you were going through this. You are the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on, and I don't want to change anything about you." 

Y/N looked up at him. "I think... I think I need help," she said, her voice shaking. Harry just pulled her back against his chest, kissing the top of her head.  

"I will stay with you, always," he murmured. "I know you can get through this. I won't leave your side." 

"No, I... I think I have to go away somewhere," She said, avoiding his eyes.

"If that's what you need to get better, Y/N, then I will support you. I'll visit you as much as they'll let me, as much as you want to see me. I'll do anything for you, to see you get better." 

"I love you so much," She said, eyes welling up with tears again. 

"I love you too," He whispered, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I'll never stop.” 

[marmolady]

Homecoming: Part Three

Continued from PART ONE and PART TWO

Main Pairings: Estela x (f)MC, Graleister, Variego

Summary: Endless Ending. It's the final leg of Taylor and Estela's journey; taking them to Northbridge and old friends... but leaving others behind.

Word Count: 5905

Chronology: After ’The New Taylor’ and ’A Ride to Remember’, sort of midway through ’Inheritance’.

Tagging: @saivilo, @edgydepressedchoicesthot, @sceptilemasterr, @greengroove @mauvecatfic​

Thanks for reading!

The echoey halls of the long-since abandoned Celestial rang with grunts and the deafening blows of metal against concrete, marble and glass. The figure of one Estela Montoya-- sledgehammer in hand-- emerged from the billowing clouds of dust, pausing her onslaught only to check in with her wife, who’d been exerting herself more than Estela was completely comfortable with.

Taylor stood up straight, panting, and wiped sweat from her brow. The slight tremble to her knees did not go unnoticed.

“Mi amor, I think you’re done.”

“Done?” Taylor heaved. “I’m no-- yeah, I’m done. I am officially….” She leaned against a wall, and let her baseball bat clatter to the fall. “I’m officially… all emotionally-released out.”

“I’m happy to hear that, cariña.” Estela put her free arm around Taylor, steadying her. “How about I pull up a chair for you so you can keep me company until I’m done?”

“I would like that a lot.”

Soon, Taylor was peacefully reclining on a deck chair brought from the poolside, and sipping a drink from a coconut, while Estela kept up her demolition crusade around her.

Taking down the old resort was a laborious process, one that had begun many months ago when the Catalysts first began stripping the hotel of anything that could be utilised in the small village that had become their sanctuary at the end of the world. Soon after Taylor, Estela, Jake, Grace and Aleister returned to the island, the resort had been gone over with a fine-toothed comb, with anything to be saved carefully removed for safe keeping. Now, what remained of the resort was ripe for a smashing, and once Iris had identified load-bearing structures to be careful of, the bare bones of the once grand Celestial was the site of a purge of a thousand pent-up emotions. There had never been any doubt to Taylor that such an opportunity for catharsis would do the world of good for Estela… but she hadn’t anticipated just how much she herself had needed to expel from her body in screaming blow after screaming blow. She could not begin to count how many times she’d closed her eyes and seen the people she loved murdered at the hands of Everett Rourke… to set fire to every last piece of trace of his awful smug face had the effect of leaving her feeling about ten tonnes lighter. It was everything she’d needed, and as she laid back and watched Estela smash through her own demons, she had to hope… this would be a corner turned for them both.

“Hey….”

Taylor turned her head, and grinned at the sight of Diego cautiously coming towards her.

“Hey!”

“There’s no, uh… debris flying around here is there?”

“Ha. I think you’re safe for now. Estela would have me in a hard-hat if there was any danger.”

Unable to argue with that logic, Diego sat down in the space Taylor made for him beside her.

“I’m just, you know… watching ‘Stel catharting.”

“Yeah, I can see that. Your eyes are bugging right out your head.”

Taylor shrugged and relaxed back in her chair, her gaze still following Estela as she flexed her muscles… which were on fine display beneath a thin tank top. “It’s a nice view; what of it?”

Diego chuckled. “Oh, nothing; nothing at all. Your face is just an absolute picture.”

Every now and then, Estela would glance over her shoulder, and-- sure enough-- Taylor would still be looking at her with the most ridiculous exaggerated heart eyes. God, how Estela loved that dork. Happy that Taylor was taking a well-earned rest, she could focus on her renewed onslaught; slamming into walls, structures… and any little thing that carried that cursed name.

A gargantuan crash had Estela rush to the vast kitchens. The air was thick with dust, already coating the once sparkling bench-tops.

“Grace?”

She needn’t have worried. The woman who emerged from the dust clouds carried a look of determined strength and fierce confidence.

Grace pulled down her earmuffs, her expression softening as she met eyes with Estela. “I didn’t scare you? I, um….” She chuckled bashfully. “I think I had something big and angry I had to get out my system… and it was a little bigger and angrier than I anticipated.”

Estela gave a small nod. “Fair. Things things can just… take over you.”

She knew from experience what that could do to a person. And she had an indelible mark upon her face to prove it.

“Well,” she said, “if you need to talk or anything… I’m maybe not the best at that kind of thing, but I’m here, okay?”

Grace smiled broadly, genuinely touched. “Thank you. And so you know, the offer extends the other way as well.”

It seemed pretty inevitable that old hurts are going to come up amidst all this releasing of pent-up emotion. Surrounded by support, it was a challenge that could be faced. Estela was certain that whatever poison bubbled to the surface, whatever old hurt took her by surprise, it would not be her burden to carry alone. She shook herself back into the zone, and in one fell swoop, took out the last support holding up the bar, which crumbled with a satisfying crack. It felt good. And so, she continued smashing out her demons… whilst remaining just close enough that she could run to Grace’s aid should she get in too deep.

Slowly but surely, Estela got back into her rhythm. Letting herself feel, and hurt… and then letting everything come pouring out.

With a guttural roar, she brought the hammer down hard. Again… and again. For everything Rourke had done…. For the hope for a safe future the bastard had dangled in front of Estela’s mother. For how callously he’d brutally ended that kind, intelligent, beautiful life, then turned around and talked of love. How even when his own demise was inevitable, the sadistic determination he’d had to make his last act the one of killing Taylor. For all those terrible nights Estela had been woken up by her poor wife screaming over deaths at his hands playing out before her, again and again. That demon had blighted every single person he touched. Lies… cruelty… and in his wake a bloody trail. Oh, but if he could see his precious Celestial now… that wicked smug satisfaction would be wiped clean off his disgusting face. Faster, harder, Estela threw herself behind every blow, letting out everything… the hatred gushing forth deep and profound, an all-encompassing whirl that her straining body could barely keep up with.

Her chest heaved. Her arms ached. As Estela watched the last rubble fall around her, a deep exhale took with her breath the emotional torment that had for so long existed in her like a sickness. She closed her eyes, and lay down the sledgehammer. She’d yelled her voice hoarse; her throat burned, and she had no screams left to yell. Slowly, panting heavily while tears and sweat still dripped from her face, she collected herself... taking in the sounds of water spraying from a burst pipe, and the aggressive grunts coming from the kitchen, where Grace was clearly still working through some stuff.

“Stupid… blasted… counter…!”

“Are you okay in there, Grace?”

There was a pause in the frustrated bellowing, then came the voice that seemed too absurdly gentle to have come from the very same person.

“I think I’ve discovered the limit to my own strength.”

Thinking she might as well lend a hand, Estela picked up her hammer and-- carefully maneuvering herself over the mess she’d wrought-- made her way back to the kitchen. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught Furball snuffling around through the debris-- more than likely, he’d come in with Fenix, who’d been following Taylor around. Estela gave a low whistle.

“Are you going to be helpful? I’m sure Grace will appreciate it.”

“Mrrp!” Furball cocked his head, looking worriedly at the tear-tracks upon Estela’s face. “Prr?”

Well, that’s kinda sweet. Estela knelt down and gave the little blue fox a reassuring scritch behind the ears, then pulled up her singlet to wipe her face. “It’s all right. I’m all right. Sometimes feeling things is good for you, you know?” Then she stood up, again all action. “Come on, then.”

“You’re, uh, having a little trouble, then?” she asked as she rounded the door.

Grace, taken by surprise, jumped about a foot in the air.

“Oh!” She laughed. “You just about gave me a heart attack!”

“Sorry. I’ve been told I have a bad habit of sneaking up on people.”

“I wouldn’t say it’s a bad habit. I’ve had much worse surprises, I can tell you.” Grace tapped a sturdy steel counter with the hammer she’d been using to smash up the kitchen. “You caught me trying and failing to take out my feelings on this hapless counter. But it looks like even my feelings about my mother aren’t cutting the mustard-- and I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t calculated the most efficient angle of attack.”

Estela couldn’t help but snort a laugh. “You do always think things through. Here,” she said, offering her heavy sledgehammer. “Between you, this baby, and Furball, I think you should be able to smash out a few more feelings.”

Grace took a moment to study her sister-in-law’s face, and it didn’t take long to ascertain that Estela wasn’t just doing fine… she looked really… very well. Lighter maybe. She grinned. This little foray into demolition had been exactly what the doctor ordered.

“I’ll certainly try.”

It was getting dark by the time Estela and Grace-- and Furball-- retreated back to the entrance foyer, ready to leave behind The Celestial for good. Aleister was having a nasty cut on his forehead seen to by Taylor, who had with her the miracle ointment made from the healing leaves.

This, Estela supposed, was what happened when you weren’t quite careful enough about where you directed a lifetime’s worth of anger. And exactly why she’d kept a close eye on Grace… some people just don’t have the competence to throw around a heavy bludgeon.

“Oh, Al, sweetheart!”

Estela forced herself not to roll her eyes, no matter how excessive the fuss. A bit of care and affection had done wonders for Aleister’s disposition, and she was not about to challenge it… especially when she was pretty sure she acted a damn fool herself when the love-goggles were on.

“I, uh,” he muttered, his cheeks pinkening with unmissable delight as Grace took him in her arms, “seem to have clocked myself about the head in an attempt at putting a poker through one of my father’s portraits. The mind boggles… how many images he needed of his own smug face in here….”

“I’m guessing Jake’s still off making sure we got them all?” The absence of the final member of the group had struck Estela-- the lack of snarky remarks and stupid nicknames was glaring. With his intended surrender to authorities looming, and along with it the inevitable facing up to Mike’s family, Jake would be feeling… a lot. If he needed space, his friends would give it, no questions asked.

Diego’s eyes were puffy, and Taylor’s soft with clear concern for her friend. But, of course, how could Diego be even remotely all right? That Estela was seeing him at all was something of a surprise; time with the one he loved was running out fast.

Perhaps he’d seen the question in her eyes, for he said; “I wanted to take one last look at the place before it’s all torn down.” He gave a weak laugh. “Take a moment to remember the poor fish from my beautiful old aquarium room… which became a lot less cool once they’d all gone belly-up. It now looks like Finding Nemo: The Horror Cut, and the smell is… pretty bad.”

“I could have told you that choosing a room with live decorations isn’t the best idea in an abandoned hotel.”

Aleister chuckled, giving his sister an appreciative glance. She might have been something of a brute, but he’d long since conceded that she did in fact hold a few of the family brain cells.

“Trust me,” Diego said, “I’m keeping it in mind for next time.”

It was a long and quiet trek back to Elyys’tel and Catalyst Village; each member of the group was lost in their own thoughts. Varyyn had only just made the journey himself-- he’d given his husband space to say goodbye to a piece of his life that he could never understand, but had returned for him. They strode side by side at the back of the pack… always touching. It was those little touches… the ones they both knew were always offered in a heartbeat, that would perhaps be missed most.

“Hey,” Taylor said gently, slowing so she could walk beside her best friend. “If you want to, you’re welcome to crash at our place tonight. I’m sure we can snag a mattress from someone else’s house so you’ve got plenty of snuggle space.”

“I don’t wanna disturb you, you know? You’d be just upstairs… and there will be crying. Besides, just camping out under the stars together… it might be nice.”

When they reached the village, Diego and Varyyn peeled off from the rest of the group, quietly settling on a secluded stretch of the cove where, for a time, it could be as though there were not a soul in the world but for the two of them.

“I feel like I’m wasting the time we have,” Diego mumbled guiltily. “You’re right here with me, and I can’t even make the most of it because it’s like I’m drowning in… in feeling sad.”

“We are together, my beloved,” Varyyn said gently. “That is, ‘the most’ of any time. The most there ever can be. You always give me the truth of you, and now, that is very, very sad.” He trailed off. “…As am I.”

Diego exhaled deeply, pressing himself against Varyyn’s larger frame and feeling safe. There was no shame in his emotions; he was understood, and cherished in all his raw edges. Varyyn had never asked for anything more of him. It was the reason he had to courage to follow his passion and give himself a chance to grow into what he knew was his truest self… but the road to get there would be testing.

“I will see you every day-- I have become very proficient at the ‘phone’. And we can talk many, many hours. Being elyyshar has some benefits. If I am with you, the council can wait.”

“Even if Seraxa has steam coming out her ears?”

Chuckling in spite of his deep sadness, for he had to do whatever he could to give his beloved what strength he could offer, Varyyn nodded. “Even if.” He squeezed Diego closer, and let his eyes flutter shut, focusing on the very feel of him there in his arms… the way it was meant to be. The way it would be again, for their spirits were irrevocably entwined. “And it will not be long before we are together again. You have heard Taylor talking; she is not going to rest until she finds a way for me to visit you, and in the meantime….”

“I’m just a call away.” Diego wiped away his tears, then brought his hand to Varyyn’s face and guided him into a slow and tender kiss. Just a call away. Just a call away….

Further up the beach, Jake had taken himself for a walk along the sand-- cold beer in hand, and looking up at a wide open night sky for the last time for… well, he didn’t really want to get up on how long.

“Do you want company?”

How long Estela had been lurking behind him, Jake didn’t have the foggiest idea… nor did he know how she managed to sneak up silently on such soft shifting sand. He shrugged.

“Be my guest. Might be a nice distraction from my own thoughts. It ain’t as if I won’t have plenty of time alone with those in the near future….”

“It’s a pity Aleister’s already gone to bed. There’s nothing quite like getting up his nose to keep you out of your own head.”

Jake smirked. Old Malfoy had his weird ways of expressing friendship. Guy would call you an imbecile on one hand and throw tens of thousands at bulking up your legal defense on the other. Something told him that the fights they’d get in over the stupidest goddamn things was just another one of Aleister’s wonky emotionally-repressed attempts at building bonds. And for what it was worth, it actually worked-- with Jake anyway. Any excuse to give Daddy Issues a well-aimed friendly jab.

Estela, on the other hand, didn’t dance around the point with petty jibes and pedantic exchanges. Straight to the point, as she knew Jake had come to expect.

“Look. You are going to clear your names. And Mike is gonna be remembered for the hero he was. We’ll make it happen, all right?” She held his gaze, fierce with resolve, and saw that same fire reflected back at her. “I swear to you… if I have to make it happen my goddamn self. When we’re done, people will be wishing Lundgren had a grave so they could dance on it.”

Jake clapped Estela on the shoulder. “Aw, Katniss. I know we always said Princess was queen of the pep talk, but between you and me, she ain’t got nothing on you.”

“Then make it worth my breath.” She pulled him into a tight hug. “I’m not fucking losing you, you hear?”

“Crystal, Ripley. Crystal damn clear.”

Her face buried in his unkempt hair, Estela fought back the tears that stung her eyes. “Good.”

Pulling away, Jake discretely wiped his own eyes, disguising the movement by running a hand over his stubble. He looked out over the world that had become his home and felt peace.

“You know what? I’m really gonna miss this place.”

Estela followed his gaze across the island, the towers of The Celestial just visible in the distance, and Atropo gently puffing smoke out into the night air.

“Yes. I think I’ll always come back. Maybe we could come here together for like… reunions. All of us,” she made a point of specifying, letting any doubt of her faith in their ability to bring Jake home be put paid to. “We should never forget what happened here.” Nor what we all meant to one another. Her eyes wandered back to her own home in the village, where she knew Taylor was waiting, already going through her bedtime routine. Estela’s heart thrummed with affection. How could they ever stay away?

“I guess, Katniss... I’ll be seeing ya at the reunion.”

Again, she found herself choked up. Enough of this. It was time for bed… before she was a complete mess.

“You bet your ass I will,” she growled.

___________________________

God, it’s cold; Taylor’s first thought as she stepped into the gate from the massive aeroplane. Straight from the tropical climes that had been her normal, even the Massachusetts summer  hit her as distinctly chilly. The very novelty of the crisp night air and the lack of her usual permanent layer of humidity-induced sweat was wonderfully exhilarating. This really was something new.

The flight, coming off the five hour journey to Costa Rica and a three hour stop-over, had been utterly draining for most of the group; Taylor was for once grateful for her recently-acquired ability to fall asleep at the drop of the hat. She’d spent most of the duration snuggled up with her head on Estela’s shoulder-- Estela never slept on planes-- and her legs tucked beside Diego’s while he distracted himself from his thoughts with the in-flight entertainment. Aside from the discomfort of sitting in a confined space for hours on end, the emotional onslaught took its toll. Jake had stayed with the group as far as Costa Rica, then left the others to take their flight to Northbridge. Public interest in ‘The Hartfeld Ten’ had waned somewhat, but if they turned up back in the country with a wanted man, an unnecessary hoo-ha seemed inevitable. At any rate, Jake had been adamant that he hit American soil as close to his home as he could swing it, which had put him on a plane to Dallas that left an hour after the Northbridge flight. There had, of course, been tears, but when Jake waved them onto their last leg home, he hadn’t been saying goodbye as someone dreading what lay ahead, so much as a man ready and determined to finally put everything right. For Mike, and for himself.

Through customs and baggage claim, Taylor took in everything; it was utterly bizarre that she’d never set foot in this country before, but so many of her friends’ life experiences-- the memories that had informed her very creation-- had created an impossible feeling of familiarity. It was as if she were seeing simple things for both the first time and the hundredth, simultaneously. She stayed close to Diego, who had been quiet from the moment the plane took off in La Huerta.

“That’s everything, right?” she checked in with him as she hauled a duffle bag off the carousel, only to have it promptly commandeered by Estela. That’s still too much for me to be lugging around? Point taken.

“Well, unless you’re intending to leave Madam and Fenix behind the Animal Arrivals desk in their pet-packs indefinitely….”

“I’ll have you know, wise-guy, that I haven’t forgotten them. Just… putting off having to deal with the foul mood we can expect from Madam Mierdita.”

Estela turned back to her wife with a smirk. “Her I’ll let you carry.”

“Gee, thanks.” Taylor caught Diego’s little snort of laughter at her expense. Okay, a laugh out of Diego is definitely worth incurring the wrath of the little monster.

Finally, they stepped out the Arrivals doors, trolleys loaded up with heavy luggage and two very curious furry travelers.

“Do you think they’re here ye--” Grace had been wondering out loud before-- “Sean! Michelle!”

Even in a bustling crowd, Sean was easy to spot, head and shoulders over most of the people surrounding him. An effusive Michelle darted into the walkway, sweeping both Taylor and Estela into an embrace, and guiding her small band of weary friends out the way of the rush.

“You wouldn’t believe how good it is to see you all!” She held Taylor at arms length, giving a quick appraisal and then going back in for a hug, satisfied. “You look amazing. Death’s door is all in the past.”

“Oh my god,” Taylor choked out, “it’s not even been a minute and my face is already aching from smiling so much!”

“I’ve been trying to convince Michelle not to worry about you too much,” Sean said as he came out of a hug with Grace to give Taylor’s shoulder a squeeze, “if there’s anyone who can pull a miracle comeback, it’s our Taylor.”

Perhaps it was guilt, but Taylor felt a violent swing of emotion. This wasn’t a victory yet. “We’ve just got to keep that lucky streak going a little while longer… bring us all home.”

A cloud of sadness passed over Sean’s eyes, but his warm smile remained. “No one’s throwing the towel in. Not by a long shot. But my Momma always taught me to savour the wins along the way… and seeing what it was you came back from, this is a big one.”

Taylor exhaled heavily. You’ve got to let it go… just for now. Letting yourself by happy is going to make you stronger when it matters. But it sure was hard. She could see that guilt reflected in Estela’s eyes… which she caught and was met with a tender smile that told her it would all, somehow, be okay.

“Right!” Michelle said. “We were thinking, Diego, Taylor, Estela in the big car with me-- there’s room for the pet carriers in the back. I am dying to show you the house! Aleister and Grace, if you want to go with Sean, he could either take you straight to your place or you can swing by and say ‘hi’ to the masses.”

Grace beamed. “Oh, we will most definitely be swinging round to say ‘hi’!”

“Please tell me Raj hasn’t thrown us some raucous, moronic homecoming party…,” Aleister muttered under his breath.

“You were joking when you said there might be something party-like waiting for us, yeah?” Taylor queried from the back seat of Michelle’s car as they turned onto the freeway.

“The ‘might be’ was only because I wanted to break it to Aleister gently. You’re going home to a party. Period.”

“They do know that we’ve been travelling non-stop for more hours than I care to count, right?”

“Oh, don’t even get me started!” Michelle huffed. “Before you completely panic, I’ve already laid down the law that whenever you’re done, it is done.”

Taylor chuckled nervously, exchanging a glance with an equally trepidatious Diego through the mirror. “I’m going to give Al all of five minutes before he high-tails it out of there.”

Michelle sighed. “The Raj party train is fairly unstoppable. But,” she added with a little twinkle in her eye, “no one is brave or stupid enough to stir up a sleep-deprived Estela, so I’ve been assured it will all be low-key.”

“You’re welcome,” said Estela.

The car pulled up a short while later in front of a big timber-clad house. A really big timber-clad house. Two storeys and --from what Taylor could see-- a window looking out of a loft space as well.

“Wow…,” she breathed.

“Damn,” said Diego, who’d been quiet for most of the journey. “You weren’t kidding when you said you splashed out….”

Michelle shrugged, but her delight in her friends’ reactions couldn’t be hidden. “You do remember that there’s going to be eight of us living there? Including one Craig Hsiao. We were getting a house with space, or we wouldn’t be doing this at all. Again, all credit to Estela for funding this. I’m still not convinced you’re not a little crazy, but there’s no way I’m complaining. This place is gorgeous.”

As she unloaded Madam in her pet-pack, Estela kept glancing up at the house, a curious expression on her face.

“Hey…,” Taylor said, giving her wife’s fingers a squeeze. “Are you okay, love?”

“Yeah, it’s just… weird. I don’t feel comfortable with thanks, I guess. We needed somewhere to stay, I’ve got money now… it’s not like it’s some noble deed or anything.”

Michelle gave a dry laugh. “I saved your life, you gave me money to buy a big-ass house… don’t worry, we’re even.”

Just then, the front door swung open and Quinn bounded out, the broadest of smiles across her face. “You guys! Welcome home!”

“Quinn!”  Taylor put Fenix’s crate on the ground and leaped into a waiting hug… and by the time she lifted her head, she was completely surrounded.

“You made it, brah!”

“Dude-- du-u-uude!”

Suddenly, the hugs were coming from all directions.

Okay, I’m definitely home.

The three new arrivals were quickly roped into a brief house tour, starting with the main lounge, which to everyone’s relief, was not in fact set up for a rager. A few streamers and a ‘welcome home’ banner was the extent of visible party. As Raj explained, the main housewarming shindig would be happening once everyone was actually awake enough to enjoy it. Maybe in a day or two.

“And this,” Quinn announced, after having left a wide-eyed and stuttering Diego to explore his new digs, complete with a enormous screen from which to call Varyyn and digital copies of what appeared to be every major movie and television release from the eighteen months he was away on La Huerta, “is yours.”

She opened a door to a staircase up to the loft-space.

“We really hope you like it.”

Again, Estela’s expression twisted to one of poorly hidden discomfort. Taylor gently took her hand and led the way, understanding. That strange mixture of what she was adjusting to… feeling part of a close group of friends who wanted to look after her and that awareness, now pretty hard to ignore, that she now had money to her name… it was all rather a lot, especially after a long day’s travel.

Quinn, either by reading her friend like a book or by plain instinct, gave the couple some space. “You just take all the time you need. If you want, I can bring Madam up here so you can settle her in? We’ll all be downstairs with hot cocoa waiting whenever you’re ready.”

Taylor turned and gave a slow nod. The emotions rolling through her were overwhelming-- to be once again surrounded by almost the entirety of her family was more wonderful than she could say, and yet, it made the ache of Jake’s fate hanging in the balance all the more obvious. She was excited, and drained, and so fucking grateful for the love she was receiving in spades. That was how she was going to get through. That was how they were all going to get through.

“Thanks, Quinn-- you’re the best. I think Madam will be really happy to get out of that box.”

They reached the top of the stairs and switched on the light.

“Wow,” Estela said softly, her cheeks flushing a little. “This is really nice.”

After what had been put together for Diego, neither of them had known what to expect, but Estela and Taylor’s huge room was wonderfully simple and homey. A big comfy armchair in the corner, a wooden bookcase to match the bed, and a lovely soft rug underfoot… all the essentials for their private bolthole. Two arched windows tilted up to a beautiful view of a starry night. They had their own ensuite bathroom, which both regarded as a definite plus with six other people sharing the house-- including one Michelle Nguyen who did have a reputation for taking her time in front of the mirror. What struck Taylor most, though, were the small thoughtful  touches scattered around the whole place. The many, many photographs that had been hung on the walls… a brand new knitting basket for all of her bits and bobs… fancy lotions that had come from The Elysian… the beautiful painting Quinn had gifted them upon their first anniversary… and perhaps Taylor’s favourite, a little plush dragon that had been propped up on the pillows.

Estela flopped backwards onto the luxurious mattress and exhaled, long and deep. Letting the feeling sink in… the feeling of being welcomed home with open arms. Known, and accepted, and loved. Without opening her eyes, she extended an arm, which Taylor wriggled under to be brought into a soft embrace. They were one more step closer to ‘happily ever after’. On their way to peace and healing.

Taylor saw it there already. Her sweet warrior, at ease with the world… and making her thrum with devotion.

They’d made it this far… so very far. Time for the next chapter.

[criminalminds4days]

Family Matters | Chapter 3: Trivia

Hello People!

I hope you have had an amazing week and are going to have an ever better weekend. I am so done with this week. It was really crappy and I just can't wait for the beginning of next, hoping it will be better. The only positive side is that I was able to get over my writer's block and have finished about 3 new chapters.

Anyway, enjoy this chapter of Family Matters and let me know what you think!

Warnings: Swearing, sexual references, violence and murder references, public embarrassment, and very bad jokes!

Word Count: 3.6k

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Tag list: @mcntsee @lets-be-gay-for-the-angel @evelyncade @haylaansmi @paulaern @myfandomlife-blog

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(This gif is not mine)

Chapter 3: Trivia

She closed the blinds and made sure for the fifth time the door was locked. Her breath caught in her throat and the fear and adrenaline that had rushed through her body made even Spencer Reid nervous.

"What's going on?"

"This is bad, I didn't realize the consequences of this until it was too late. I am so sorry I got you all tangled up in this mess."

"What are you talking about? What happened?"

"I-" She turned and took a peek through the blinds, ensuring there was no one around. "I did not think things through. I think it's best if you go home, that way you might be spared."

"You are seriously starting to make me nervous, please tell me what's going on, how can I help?"

"There is nothing you can do; I am basically a dead woman."

"Why? Who's after you?"

"Anna Hemingway."

"Your cousin is after you? Did she threaten you or something?"

"No, she didn't have to." She walked towards the bed and sat on the edge, still glancing every now and then, making sure the coast was clear.

After her and Spencer's victory, they had both decided to go to bed, and while the rest of her family insisted on having another dinner dedicated to the couple, they had both decided best to eat and head back to their cabin. He had finished first and decided to head back, and as soon as he was gone, the memory hit her making her mistake obvious. And the main reason she had resorted to a passive competition with the world's worst cousin was clear once again. In a hurry she had returned to their cabin, ensuring she was not being followed, and locked the door, startling the doctor.

"The last time I beat Anna at something was when I twelve. We were both auditioning for the same role in our school musical. They gave me the part." He smiled, truly excited for her accomplishment, as well as happy to learn this new fact about her. "Don't get too peppy. On opening night, at Grandma's celebration for the play, I fell down the stairs."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Because, Dr. Spencer Reid, as hard as it is to believe, me falling down the stairs was not due to my immense clumsiness."

"Wait, your cousin pushed you down the stairs?!" He exclaimed, truly horrified. How are children so cute and so evil at the same time?

"More like, she set her foot for me to trip on, but you get the idea." She glanced back at the door and then at the man in front of her. "I was lucky, I didn't break anything, but I have a feeling that might not be the case the next time. I also would prefer not to drown or anything like that."

"But we're federal agents, doing something to you or me would be unwise."

"You're speaking of the girl that tripped me down the stairs and thought that stealing my boyfriend and marrying him was wise."

"I'm gonna double-check the door is locked."

After hours of attempting to stay vigilant, her body had given in and she had fallen asleep. Although Spencer knew the danger, to him it was as simple as closing his eyes. She knew they were trained to deal with a lot of sick people, but he didn't understand the limits his cousin would go to destroy those who she felt wronged by. Although her main target had always been her, she once had basically ended a girl's life by getting her banned from pretty much any respectable college or job position because this one had made fun of her prom dress. Anna Hemingway was one to be cautious with, and they had both just embarrassed her in front of the people whose attention she had snatched years ago. It was worse than she realized.

"Spencer, Spencer." She spoke as she slightly moved him. He growled and moved away from her, attempting to continue his slumber. "Spencer."

"No, let me sleep." He complained.

"Spence, get up, please." After minutes of silence, she devised a new plan. "Spencer!" she screamed, making him jump, falling off the bed and landing between the edge of this first one and the door of the closet. "Oh good, you're awake."

He didn't say a word, for what seemed like centuries, and she wondered if screaming him awake was not the best decision, especially as her next request would not be something he would be inclined to.

"Sorry for that, I just needed you to wake up."

"Is there a fire I don't know about?"

"No, I just thought we could go for a run." There it was, the look Spencer had only given the unsubs he despised the most. She had earned it, but that didn't mean she liked it. "Sorry, I just, Nicole had to leave, and since I have a target on my back and there's safety in numbers... I also didn't want to leave you here alone, and vulnerable. I just felt like, despite your muscles, I am concerned you haven't yet mastered the use of your body."

"I will have you know that by all accounts I definitely know how to use my body. Quite effectively if I do say so myself, and others."

After his words, her mind went to a thought she never imagined having. She wondered if he meant it that way or she was just losing it. "Good, then you can come with me." That sentence following her thoughts was probably not ideal.

"No thank you, you can do it by yourself." She needed to change the direction her thoughts were going; they were definitely not helpful.

"Spencer, please. I am honestly a little terrified, and you should be too."

"Well, I'm not. She isn't worse than any unidentified subject we've dealt with before."

"Oh but she is. She's the worst type of unsub you could think of, but ten times worse."

"What's the worse she could do?"

"Let's not find out."

After whining from him and pleads by her, they both made their way out of the cabin. The shorts he had avoided yesterday were now covering almost nothing as they jogged. This was not a good reminder of their earlier conversation, so she simply focused on something easier: her cousin's imminent revenge. She thought it would come in the form of her accidentally pushing her into the lake, or a repeat of her falling down the stairs. She was even worried this time Spencer would be the victim since he had been the one to embarrass her. Her thoughts were interrupted by deep breaths and a yelp.

"Are you okay?"

"We've been running for hours, how dare you ask me such a question?"

She looked at her watch, "We've been running for exactly three and a half minutes. Actually, we haven't been running, more like jogging."

"How long do you usually do this for?"

"Depends on the day, but from thirty minutes to two hours."

"You need help."

"It won't be as bad, come on."

"You can go on, I am just gonna sit here and have a heart attack real quick."

"How on earth did you pass your physical?"

"I got it waved."

"Cheater."

"If it isn't it the 'it' couple of the weekend!" Suddenly the one having a heart attack was not Spencer, but her. "I didn't know you guys ran together, that's so cute!"

"Yeah, truly the reason I love her," Spencer said, a pinch of sarcasm in his voice.

"How adorable." It's coming, she could feel it. "Anyway, I was thinking, since love seems to be in the air this weekend, why don't we celebrate it by wrapping up the family retreat with a trivia night!"

"What does trivia have to do with love?" She regretted the words as soon as they came out, as Anna looked at her like she might as well be six feet under.

"Silly, the trivia would be about your significant other, of course!"

"Well, that's just-"

"Wonderful, I know!" The blonde smiled, delighted by her idea. "The family has already been briefed and they are all on board, I have started taking in questions and designed the cards, so we'll all meet around the campfire for dinner, and then we'll have trivia night!" She smiled brightly and began to leave, stopping by to appreciate Spencer's figure and palming his behind as she left.

"Did she just-?"

"Yes, yes she did."

"I need a shower."

After both had showered and changed they made their way to grandmas house, alert as to anyone following them. Most of her family had moved on from spying on them, but she knew Anna and Uncle Ernie were not that normal.

"So, what did your grandma do?"

"No one really knows, I mean it had to be good to make her so rich, but by the time my uncle Ernie was born, the eldest, she was already rich enough to sell whatever business she had and become a full-time parent."

"What about your grandpa?"

"He died before I was born."

"Oh."

They sat at the same table he had been at the day before; the chessboard was still in place. She began messing with the pieces, creating the game that always made her win, courtesy of her grandma.

"I didn't know you played."

"I too began at a very young age. I haven't really played since grandma died; she was my game partner. The only one that treated me like I was a human being." She sat down, remembering the hours she spent here when Nicole wasn't around, and everyone pretty much ignored her. "She was the only one that ever consoled me for losing my dad. Losing her was just one more box to check."

"I am sorry for your loss." He placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it gently, hoping to convey his sympathy.

"Yeah well, by how calm Anna looks right now I guess it won't be long before I join her, so we don't have to worry about that anymore."

He rolled his eyes, a smile tugging at his lips. "So, what should we expect during this trivia night?"

"To lose, that's our safest bet."

"I don't really do losing."

"And all I do is lose, so I will be your guide this time."

The family had made their way inside, their excitement overflowing the room. She couldn't help but wish she could simply run for the hills. She knew the chances of them winning were null, because a) she needed to lose and b) Spencer and her hadn't known each other, really known each other long enough to be able to answer these questions. She wondered if that was the plan all along, that Anna somehow had found out about their lie and was using this as a means to expose it.

"Okay everybody, let's get started." Said, uncle Ernie. He wore the same clothes as their first day here. "Let us start with the competition. Since we have the newlyweds as well as the new couple in the family, I think they should make the honors."

She looked at Spencer and he smiled at her, she leaned closed and whispered. "Remember, to ease the monster, we need to lose, which shouldn't be hard, we're not even a real couple, there is no way we know enough about each other, right?"

He nodded and they both moved to the sofa that was designated as their spot, her uncle who now apparently served as the show host, handed Spencer and Tyler a buzzer, explaining whichever sounded first would get to answer the question. She mentally prepared herself, hoping she could answer enough questions to not raise suspicion but not enough to win the game, what a grand world that would be.

"Ready everybody?" everyone cheered in approval and she prepared herself. "This round is for the guys, once we finish you will pass the buzzer to your partner and at the end, we will have one round where either of you can answer. Now, the first question, what is your partner's Starbucks order?"

Spencer's buzzer went off as Tyler attempted to recall the memory. "It depends on the season. During winter and for as long as she can get it, it will be a Grande Peppermint Hot Chocolate, during the summer it will be no-coffee Double chocolate chip cookie crumble Grande Frappuccino with extra whipped cream, and no straw." She looked at him completely taken aback by his answer, how specific it was, and the fact that he knew she was a seasonal drinks person.

"Yeah, that's it." She spoke.

"Point for team FBI!" Her uncle cheered. "Next question, what is your partner's favorite color?"

His buzzer went off and the doctor spoke again, "Blue."

Ten questions later the scoreboard was 8-2, Spencer's lead, and the two questions he hadn't answered were because he decided that would be enough to lose. She didn't understand how he knew these things, or the fact that she knew what her answer for him would be, but what she did know, was that she had to be really bad in order to allow Anna to take the lead back, what she wasn't sure about anymore, was whether she wanted to let her cousin win.

"Ladies, you're up." Spencer handed her the buzzer and she smiled at him. "First question, how does your partner drink his coffee."

"That's easy. He doesn't drink coffee." She said soon after her buzzer went off. "He drinks sugar with a side of coffee, no creamer. Eighty percent sugar, twenty percent coffee."

"That is so mean to say! But it's true." Spencer agreed.

"How are you a doctor and drink so much sugar?"

"Not that kind of doctor." He clarified to the man.

"I have no idea what that means! Next question, what is the thing your partner is most proud of?"

"His job. Spencer loves helping people and using his knowledge to reunite families, he's the bravest guy I know." She smiled at him and he returned the gesture.

It was no surprise Anna was not content with the results, as the end was a 23-4 in favor of Spencer and her. As soon as the game was finished she knew that she had basically carved her own grave.

"That is not fair, they are not even really dating!" Her cousin screamed, "it's all a lie!"

"What?"

"Yeah, I know your little secret, I overheard you and Nicole talking about how Spencer was not really your boyfriend and how he didn't actually have dyslexia!"

"I-" She didn't know what to say, how had she not seen her? How could she let this happen?

"First of all, I think it is very inconsiderate of you to suggest that my dyslexia is not real. I have fought so hard for such a long time to ensure my condition didn't prevent me from succeeding, going as far as getting a Ph.D. in mathematics, for someone to simply come and question my hard work." Spencer said, seemingly very upset. "Second of all, this woman right here is the best thing that ever happened to me, and I will not sit here and tolerate you calling her a liar. We are in love with each other, and you as her cousin should be happy about it. Yet you seem so upset about her finding someone, it seems to me you're jealous, but what do I know, it's not like I can understand human behavior or anything. Oh, wait." He said, he took her hand and pulled her as close to him as she could. "Just leave my girlfriend alone, you took her sloppy second and married him, so what more can you want from her?"

The room fell silent, everyone eyed Spencer and Anna, trying to grasp what had just happened. "You and I both know you're lying, you two are not a real couple, you are just trying to ruin this weekend for me."

"Really, not a real couple? Then how did we end up destroying you at trivia? You made the questions Anna, I had no idea what was on them, you did. And I am not the one wearing a wedding ring. So my question is, how do you marry someone without knowing their proudest moment, or their Starbucks order?"

"Well, how come no one has ever seen you two kiss? You can learn facts about each other but that doesn't really make you a couple."

"You want to see a kiss? Fine." She turned and pulled Spencer's lips to hers. She let herself enjoy the moment, really enjoy Spencer's kissing skills, not because she wanted to or anything, but rather because that is how she should kiss him, there was no way anyone would have any doubt about them if the kiss looked authentic. Which it did, it also might have felt a little more authentic than it should but now was no the time to dwell on that.

Spencer kissed her back, creating an atmosphere in which her cousin's word didn't matter any longer, in which the humiliation her family had put her through was nothing worth thinking of, and the fact that both of them had such deep knowledge about each other only fueled it, melting her a little in her spot, she felt his teeth on her lower lip applying slight pressure and she couldn't help but wish they were by themselves right then and there.

"We get it! You guys want to take your clothes off, now please stop." Tyler's voice echoed, and the two doctors left each other's lips reluctantly, looking at him. "Now, can we please move on?"

"No! Not until they admit they are not really dating, and all this was a plot to humiliate me!" Anna screamed.

"You know what? I am not going to stand here and tolerate this behavior any longer. Bitchy Anna, you can whine all you want, but that will not change that I am with a man I love, and that loves me. I have let this family make me feel like less for long enough and I am done doing so. You can all go fuck yourselves because I am done with each and every single one of you. You allowed this crazy brat to humiliate me and treat me like I was less for long enough. Let's go home, Spencer." She grabbed him by the hand and exited the house, giving her family the middle finger before she banged the door. She walked to their cabin and gathered her stuff, him following suit. As soon as they were in the car and far enough away, she pulled over and sighed, coming down from her adrenaline rush.

"In the wise words of Penelope Garcia, that was hot," Spencer said.

"What was?"

"Everything." They laughed for a couple of minutes, the scene she had just created replaying in her mind. "I am so proud of you."

"Why? Because I gave my uncle Ernie the middle finger?"

"Because you stood up for yourself."

"Yeah, well even if she was right, I tend to get a little too angry when people call me a liar or get in my way."

"Yeah, I know." He chuckled, "How did it go, oh yes, 'Nu-uh bruh, I know you didn't just interrupt me mid-sentence.' And then you commented how a man who wore sweaters in the middle of July was not going to cut you off."

"I am so sorry about that; I was just so used to being cut off I didn't want it to be a thing at work."

"It's okay, I understand. I began cutting people off because that's what most people did to me when I spoke."

"Well, that's dumb. I love hearing your facts, you have all this knowledge, and you chose to share it, people should be grateful for it."

"Thank you, I appreciate that." He smiled, "Speaking of facts, our chances of getting murdered will increase by the minute if we continue to sit on the side of the road."

"Right, forgot about that!" She turned the car back on. "Let's go home, Spencer." As his apartment complex became clear, she slowed down, making a stop right in front of it. "Thank you for coming with me this weekend, I really appreciate it."

"No problem, that's what friends are for." Before he moved to get out of the car, she planted a quick kiss on his cheek. "What was that for?"

"For being the best fake boyfriend and real friend a girl could ask for." She smiled at him, so grateful for his existence. "I will see you tomorrow morning at 5:45 am sharp. Goodnight Spencer."

"Goodnight. See you tomorrow." He opened the door and walked out, waving to her before he entered his building. She sat there for a couple of minutes, taking in the past weekend. She knew her mother wouldn't let her get away with her actions, but right now that didn't matter, Spencer Reid had told her he was proud of her, he had even used the term hot which in itself was hot because she never even imagined he used that type of vocabulary.

Regardless, she stood up for herself, she let Anna have it, and Spencer was proud of her. It seemed like a win-win. She drove home, a smile on her face.

[baodurs]

i filled out this super cool button character profile by @extraordinarymage for sabrina! thank you for making this, it was a lot of fun to fill out <3 the bulk of it is under a cut and oh boy is it long !!!

Short, Quick Reference

Name: Sabrina Wiseman

Pronouns: She/her

Sexuality: Bisexual

Love Interest: Kent

Main personality trait: Confidence

Secondary personality trait: Morbidity

Relationship with Nick: Full of love, haunted by unaddressed guilt and frustration. But mostly full of love.

Nickname for Nick: Saint Nick (used sparingly)

Resentful or accepting?: Slightly resentful

Main strategy (interpersonal, insightful, innovative?): Insightful

Ethical or expedient?: Expedient

GENERAL

Name: Sabrina Larkspur Wiseman

Nickname(s): Sab, used by anyone; Sabby, only Nick and Sally; and, of course, Button for Nick.

Birthday: I think I made her an October Libra for the purpose of a template I did months ago, but I’m not sure! No concrete birthday yet, I’m always very slow to nail down details like this.

Age: 20

Pronouns: She/her

Sexuality: Bisexual

Hair color + style: Blonde. A little past shoulder length, sometimes wavy. Usually a middle part. For Aeon, tied back in a bun.

Eye color: Blue, entirely because of the section of Frank O’Hara’s “Meditations in an Emergency” that goes, “My eyes are vague blue, like the sky...”

Height: 5′5

Piercings: Multiple in each ear, but a couple have started to close.

Tattoos: None yet! Sab likes the idea of a tattoo but is worried about finding the perfect design, whether she’d end up hating it, that the pain might be greater than she expects and she’ll look like a baby in front of her tattoo artist. I’d like to think she eventually consults Sally and/or Glitch to come up with an idea that she falls in love with, but I haven’t come up with what that would be!

Clothing style: Mostly solid colors, not a lot of patterns. Nothing super bright, but a fairly varied mix of pastels, neutrals, dark colors, black. Partial to denim skirts and sweater tops. Ankle boots. Likes a good turtleneck. She’s bolder when it comes to formal wear, and especially loves suits. Big fan of silk and satin.

Since she has a pretty accurate face claim, I’ll link some gifsets I’ve rb’d for appearance ref if you are so inclined.

STATS

I’m always adjusting minor things and swapping scenes around, but these are from my most recent Sab run! Most scores hover somewhere around these values.

Personality:

Confidence: 53%

Humor: 5%

Morbidity: 22%

Resentful: 57% | Accepting: 43%

Strategy:

Interpersonal: 12%

Insightful: 50%

Innovative: 10%

Ethical: 43% | Expedient: 57%

KEY DECISIONS:

What is Nick’s nickname and why?: Saint Nick, used very rarely. It’s a joking reference to the time she thought Santa was an evil Ment out to ruin Christmas, and a point about Nick overdoing it with the cheer. “Saint Nick” is usually code for “I know you mean well, but please mind your own business.” Otherwise, she just calls him Nick.

What is their favorite type of cookie (and its name and why?): Salted caramel chocolate chip! No special name.

What was their initial reaction to Sally hugging them, as kids?: She just froze. That could just be me projecting adult Sabrina onto her childhood self; I don’t imagine that she was as uncomfortable around strangers or quite as cautious back then. But that’s what I’ll stick with.

How did they ace the ASE test?: The in-game option she takes is “My entire life has revolved around strategic avoidance,” but the one about being just plain smart also sounds like her. If Sab has the chance to thoroughly (over)prepare for something, she will do it. Her mind blindness also has her constantly (over)analyzing situations. So, hard work and relentless anxiety!

Did they manage to win their first assignment? How?: Yes, by having Sally block the door. I’ve headcanoned some slight differences in how it plays out, which I wrote about in-depth here. To summarize, Sab thinks of blocking the door as a desperate last resort, not a clever loophole, and she pushes back against Rosy’s praise because she wishes she could have done it the “real” way. Rosy goes from being impressed to being annoyed that she’s willfully missing the point.

What was the primary emotion Button felt during the Aeon bombing (love, gratitude, etc?): Guilt. She feels very guilty about how much Nick has given up for her in general, but I think that in the moment, it’s on a smaller scale. The fact that Nick was on the phone with her when it happened, coming to her rescue like always, becomes emblematic of their whole relationship for her, and she really fixates on that.

Who drove them home from the hospital from and why?: Glitch. Sab responds to her initial text with “Are you sure?”, and is relieved when Glitch takes that as “Yes, please.” She doesn’t relish the idea of being around someone more connected to her family or Nick at that point.

How do they feel about Nick riding around in their mind?: Worried, at first. Just because it’s so unknown and absolutely insane. After seeing Doctor Amari, she’s excited! Sab is thrilled to be a Pollard Five and intends to take full advantage of it. I am not looking forward to seeing how she reacts when that’s taken away from her.

Why did Button agree to do the undercover mission?: To prove she still deserves to be an MIV. Sabrina feels stupid and reckless for putting herself, Nick, and Aeon in this position, but she knows she’s smart, and she hasn’t worked this hard for nothing. She wants to prove what she could do with a normal Pollard Score and make herself too valuable to give up even when she’s back to Zero.

Told Glitch about your mind blindness?: Depends on the playthrough. I’m constantly going back and forth on whether Sab meets Glitch for coffee or wanders the city with Nick in her second chapter 5 slot (after trying to track down Kent). If she does meet Glitch, though, she absolutely tells her; with how touchy Sab is about privacy, she couldn’t stomach not warning Glitch that Nick could hear everything they said.

Figured out K’s secret?: Nope. She finds enough of the clues to be given the “I knew it!” option in-game, but she didn’t actually put it together. Sab is too angry and embarrassed by learning that Kent is an AMO to find any reason to interrogate it. “The random guy I met before school just happens to be a jerk” is a perfectly sound explanation to her.

Found Noh’s clues?: Not at the metro station. Sometimes she sees the Vengeance brooms in chapter 5 (again, depending on the playthrough), but that’s it.

ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP:

Love Interest: Kent

Why them?: Sab feels an immediate kinship with Kent after learning about the NPO program. It’s kind of funny how quickly he moves from the least sympathetic position in her eyes (Ment who got past me and read my mind without my knowledge) to the most sympathetic (non-powered child of a prominent family aiming a league above where he “belongs”). A lot of new respect for his competence. Her fate is sealed when she realizes that his kindness at the hospital wasn’t him trying to make up for some wrongdoing, but just him being very sweet. (She had scoffed over “You needed help.” But now she’s like, “Oh. He meant that?! Fuck.”)

As they spend more time together, Sab realizes how weirdly similar they are in other ways, too. And she starts to feel safe/secure around him in a way that she’s extremely not used to. Growing up surrounded by Ments, Sab has a lot of issues about being too much, too difficult, needing to “be worthy” of love. So someone like Kent who is not a Ment, who has no “obligation” to care about her, and whose judgement she trusts implicitly? Being around him and being loved by him mean a lot, and I think will go a long way towards helping her reflect on her other relationships!

What are their first impressions of each other?: Okay, there are like 3 first impressions with Kent. First: he’s tall and handsome and secretly adorable, and they have similar career goals, so she’s drafting a five-month plan to woo him and get his number. Second: he’s a lying, self-obsessed loser who owes her many explanations. Third: oh no, the first impression was true! And he’s been continually, selflessly kind to her in spite of her overt hostility. Scratch the five-month plan, because the crush was only fun when it was entirely superficial; now she really, really likes him and that just sucks.

We know that Button makes a good impression on K by stopping for their dogs, but apart from that... I mean, the “we confused each other” from chapter 7 is very apt. Sab has lots of shifting personas, and Kent sees pretty much every one within 24 hours. The prevailing impression before everything gets cleared up is probably just that she cares a lot? About everything? Her stopping for the dogs, how seriously she takes the first assignment, the way she seems so deeply affected by something he said or did that morning. It’s a rare side of her to meet first because she usually pretends to be above everything.

What feature does your Button find most attractive in their RO (ex. appearance, personality, etc.)?: Probably his composure. And his... steadfastness? The way he seems unruffled by anything, his soothing presence. She really admires that about him and finds the calm contagious.

What do they do to spend time together?: Going on drives together! Kent driving while Sab plays songs she thinks he’ll like, talking or not talking. Cuddling on the couch while reading their own separate books. Museum dates. Walking the dogs together.

Do they argue? How do they handle arguments and disagreements? How do they make up?: I imagine that the first month or so of their relationship would be difficult, just because they’re both bad at expressing themselves and not used to relying on other people. Kent kind of negates a lot of Sab’s impulses to get defensive or hostile, so instead of arguments, I think there are more likely to be awkward periods where she’s just stewing in something without addressing it. Most of their fights would be, like, one of them becoming really distant for a concerning number of days until the other tries to awkwardly check in on them.

What does their future look like?: Uhh some random lore: I think eventually they do get married, despite neither of them caring that much about it. Sabrina would be excited to have something to plan, and she knows it would make the people around her happy. They have a long engagement; there’s never really an “official” proposal, just an acknowledgement that yeah, they’ll get married one day, and then eventually they get rings. The engagement is almost Sab’s favorite part, honestly. She likes planning and showing off her ring and calling Kent her fiancé, a lot of fanfare on her part for a wedding that ends up being very modest and chill.

OTHER RELATIONSHIPS (Feel free to go in depth!)

Relationship with Nick: When I first started developing Sab, I thought that with as difficult/prickly as she can be, her relationship with Nick would be worse than it is. Never bad, but certainly strained, with more jealousy/resentment on her side. However, she rejected this. She is resentful, but never towards Nick—she internalizes the negative parts of their relationship so they manifest as guilt instead. And that’s the problem, not resentment. Sab thinks he’s overprotective, but that doesn’t make her angry; it just makes her sad. She wishes things were different and he didn’t feel so responsible for her, but she also doesn’t know how she could manage without him taking on so many of her burdens. So, guilt! So much love, but always looming guilt.

Having Nick in her head has helped. It’s added a new kind of guilt (“I’m a horrible person for being so giddy that people can’t hear my thoughts even though that requires my brother to be in a coma”), but getting inside Nick’s head for once and really feeling his love for her changes things. Makes her feel way more secure, I guess? It’s easier to see her brother as human person, a friend who loves her, rather than a perfect selfless paragon who sacrificed everything to raise her, which is an important shift.

There are also Things happening with self-presentation in the fact that they’re both models, and flirts, and pretend to be shallow. And the ways that they’ve responded to vastly different expectations. And selflessness versus selfishness. But I have no idea how to talk about that yet.

Relationship with Father: Strained and distant. Sabrina doesn’t necessarily blame him for leaving, but she hates how he’s handled it. She’s incredibly frustrated that John insists on keeping them in this miserable limbo of uncomfortable visits, even though moving away was (to her) a tacit acknowledgement that she and her parents are better off without each other. He’s trying to force a relationship that Sab thinks is ultimately harmful for everyone involved. For Nick’s sake, she’s willing to grin and bear the visits, but it never works because John can obviously tell it’s an act. He pushes her, she gets defensive, and so on to infinity.

Relationship with Mother: Like with John, Sab doesn’t resent Hope for the incident itself, or for leaving afterward. It was terrifying, and the idea of being around Hope makes her panic—but she thinks of that as just another irrational anxiety symptom, and she’s trying to work through it. What she does resent Hope for is letting it get to that point at all. Sab is incredibly bitter that Hope will suffer silently to the point of almost killing her (during the incident) and potentially herself (with the BRS), while Sab has no choice but to be completely open. Especially because they’re so similar in that way—she’s almost jealous. “Oh, so your silence is allowed to almost kill me and it’s ‘nobody’s fault’ but I can’t pretend to enjoy a single lunch with Dad without him calling me out for lying?”

And even though she doesn’t hold the incident itself against her, Sab is very hung up on “Why are you never quiet? Why are you always there?” She knows, on some level, that this was not a Personal Judgement against her. But because Hope keeps so much quiet, this is the only honest expression of her mother’s feelings that she can remember! It would take a lot for Sab to believe that Hope was really, genuinely interested in reconnecting with her, rather than just pretending to love her "enough” this time because to do otherwise would reflect poorly on Hope as a mother.

Relationship with Sally: Besties <3 Sally is the only member of the Wiseman inner circle that Sab doesn’t have complicated feelings about. They both have hidden morbid streaks that they bring out in each other, and can laugh about. They both have competitive streaks that work well together because they’re always on the same team. And their wants/needs from the relationship complement each other well, I think. Sally has always felt valued because she’s useful and not because she’s loved, while Sab has always felt smothered by love/care without feeling like she genuinely adds value to other people’s lives. So it means a lot to both of them that they’re able to help each other practically, while also genuinely loving and supporting each other outside of that.

Relationship with Gray: Full of trust and genuine care, but predicated on distance. Sab loves him a lot for being so careful not to cross any boundaries, physical or emotional, with her. She’s grateful that he’s there for Nick in a way that she doesn’t feel she can be. But "I like Gray because he doesn’t push me and is good to Nick” means that any hand he extend makes her defensive, because she’ll either view him as an emissary of Nick or start to panic because their normal routine is being disrupted (she doesn’t tell him about Hope in ch 3, for example).

They get along very well in a friend-of-a-friend sort of way, and bond over being cautious counterparts to Nick. Also, Sab never had a crush on Gray, but she is not immune to tall superhero and thinks it’s fun to fake flirt with him. (You know Isabela’s “You have pretty eyes” routine from DA2? Sab does that to Gray when conversations steer towards things she’d rather not talk about.)

Relationship with Glitch: I’m really excited about these two! They click from the start, and Sabrina feels immediately comfortable around Glitch, which makes her feel distinctly uncomfortable whenever she catches herself. Externally, they have pretty different personalities, but they’re both perceptive and... socially manipulative? aware of their self-presentation?... in ways that they both pick up on right away. So it’s a lot of conversational maneuvering and trying to figure out what the other’s game is, while also genuinely enjoying each other’s company.

Relationship with Kent/Kenna: I could go truly insane here. See the romance section above instead.

Relationship with Kim: Sab wants him to like her sooooo bad. He’s one of the only people to ever really get through to her, re: my headcanon conversation after the first assignment. Authority figures tend to treat her as special, whether that’s negatively because of her mind blindness or positively because she’s such an overachiever. She had no idea how to respond to that not being the case (and didn’t handle it well at first), but chapter 6 solidifies her respect for him.

It also turns Rosy’s opinion of Sab around; he was impressed by her in class but left his office thinking she was self-absorbed and naive. But the bombing is a reality check, and her response is very measured and practical in a way that surprises him.

Relationship with Lev: She doesn’t mind the comparisons to Nick or the “maybe one day they’ll fix you” comments as much as you might think. They aren’t her favorite, but she prefers that sort of thing to the inspirational platitudes belied by coddling that she got from her family growing up. Sab has fond memories of Lev and is grateful that he’s always been kind to her, but doesn’t have any particular feelings apart from that.

Relationship with Clarence: Holds a grudge against him for causing a scene, making her late, and generally being a jerk. But she can’t fault him for being right, after what happened! Mostly she just wants to avoid him, but she’ll be thrilled to lord her success over him if/when she proves herself.

Relationship with Dean Branham: Like Rosy, another authority figure that Sab desperately wants to impress. But without the personal investment she has in Rosy’s validation, more “Oh, this person is in charge, so I should make her like me!” Despite Nick’s and Rosy’s reservations, Sabrina doesn’t really have a problem with being “strongarmed” or manipulated into cooperating; for now, she figures Branham was just doing her job and respects her tactics.

Relationship/attitude towards Ments in general: Mostly just uncomfortable and wary around them. Sab doesn’t want her mind read, and she figures that no Ment wants to be forced to read it either. So she has a pretty strict “no Ments” rule for close personal relationships (excluding Nick, Sally, and Gray, of course. But only Nick really counts because he’s the only one who can hear her thoughts whenever she’s nearby). Not out of hatred or resentment, just because she knows it will be easier for everyone in the long run.

Do they have any other important relationships, past or present? (Relatives, friends, etc.?): Not many, but yes! Sab dated around a lot in the 2 years before Aeon (more like year and a half, because she completely shut it down once she was more focused on preparing for the MIV program), but there are 2 relationships that were formative/important for her. A high school sweetheart, and someone Sab met through modeling. She doesn’t keep up with her high school ex, but the model is her best friend outside of Sally and Nick, and they still keep in touch! I’m still developing them/the relationships, and I’ll probably post more about them someday. They’re fun!

PERSONAL BIO

Describe their personality: Confusing and contradictory. She has two main modes that confuse people who meet both (e.g., Kent). She’s either cold, stuck-up, and sometimes hostile, OR she’s charming, frivolous, and sometimes flirty. Mode 1 is tense but stoic and inexpressive; mode 2 is seemingly relaxed but very posed and insincere. Mode 1 is for when she feels uncertain or has no agenda apart from “get to point B”; mode 2 is for when she’s more comfortable or trying to manipulate someone. Her actual personality is a bit closer to the second, but she doesn’t pretend not take things seriously or hide when she’s annoyed.

Strengths: Analytical, methodical, detail-oriented. Very driven and hardworking. May not always act like it, but does have social skills/charisma; a great liar, if you can’t read her mind. Unfailingly loyal and loving to her favorite people, so so so warm and affectionate and supportive if she really loves you. Very perceptive.

Weaknesses: Way too proud. Can be petty and vindictive. Self-absorbed (she doesn’t mean anything by it, but it’s hard for her to see past herself sometimes). Stubborn, hates being wrong. And... emotional isn’t the word, but strong negative emotions can really cloud her judgement. It ties into her being proud, petty, and stubborn; if she’s really upset about something, she can cling to that emotion instead of re-evaluating it or moving forward.

Phobias: From this ask about the phobias that are planned to show up in-game, there are a few that I could see fitting Sab, but I want to wait to see how they’re implemented before I fully commit. Which is very metagame-y, I know (and I am very metagame-y about IF), but “fear of X” is so broad that it really does depend on when/how it manifests in the text.

That being said, agoraphobia is almost a lock; crowds do make Sab very anxious if she can’t keep track of everyone within a certain distance, and if she can’t leave when she starts feeling antsy. Claustrophobia is a maybe. The choice that triggers it (in chapter 4, about hating MRI machines) suits Sab, but I’m not sure if she hates MRI machines because she hates tight spaces, or if it’s more related to her general anxiety about hospitals, medical tests, etc. Which she definitely has!

What activities/club did they do in school?: She avoided anything group-oriented as far as possible. She took piano (maybe violin?) lessons and did recitals, but wasn’t in orchestra. The one exception was maybe National Honor Society or some equivalent, which she would have joined for her resume’s sake. And I think she would have tutored!

Where do they escape to when they need space?: A little used library corner, where she can people watch without being seen/heard.

How do they feel about/cope with their mind blindness?: Sab hates it but tries not to dwell on it. She knows that it’s no one’s fault, and she mainly just tries to... minimize it? Drown out her thoughts, limit her contact with Ments. And, least healthily, very rigidly managing herself. Because there’s so much of her that exists outside of herself, without her control, she tries to either filter or completely suppress everything else. Part of why she got into modeling, she can perform and be perfect and have total control over the final product of her body in the photographs for whatever campaign. Some Day This Will Be Better. But definitely not where she is in current canon.

How has your Button changed since the Incident with Hope?: Developed many new anxieties and disorders and syndromes :) She also became way more self-conscious, as in literally conscious of and way more tightly monitoring herself, what she’s thinking, what she’s expressing, how she’s sitting, etc. Less emotive face, more rigid posture.

If they weren’t an Aeon student, what would they be doing?: Sab would have beaten herself up forever if she “proved everyone right” by avoiding Unity/Ments entirely, so she’d want to stay in the family business somehow. She probably would have ended up doing scientific research on mental agility. Maybe even working for Mirrortech or some other biotech company, which I imagine would have been an interesting conversation to have with the family.

RANDOM FACTS:

Zodiac sign: Like I said, I assigned her Libra months ago for the sake of a template. But I don’t know enough about astrology to commit. Libra or Leo, probably.

Hobbies: Music, reading poetry, “cooking” (i.e., sitting on the counter and not helping while Nick makes dinner)

Likes: Watching other people (Nick) play video games, dressing up, taking long showers/baths, dark chocolate with caramel, back hugs

Dislikes: Being patronized, hot weather, going to the doctor, driving, doing anything she is not good at

Type of bedsheets: Bamboo.

Drink of choice: Cucumber mint lemonade! For hot drinks, some kind of caramel coffee. For alcohol, she refuses to get drunk because she’s terrified of having even less control of her mental broadcast, but at home/around people she trusts she’ll have a glass or two of wine. Doesn’t know enough to be picky, but doesn’t like it too sweet.

Favorite food: Probably some pasta dish Nick makes with asparagus and tomatoes and a lot of garlic.

Favorite color: Like a light turquoise!

Favorite music: Music to her was another mind-shielding tactic before anything else, so she tends to like upbeat-ish electronic/pop stuff. Catchy and repetitive, and/or with lots of personality to drown out her own thoughts. On the other end of the spectrum, she does have a soft spot for crackly, lo-fi, old or old-sounding slow songs—something about fuzzy recordings simulating a weak telepathic signal.

Favorite season: Hmm, spring and autumn are both good. She likes either side of winter.

Anything else you’d like to share: My heart and a long, fulfilling marriage, with anyone who reads all this 💍

[hiddlestonsbabygirl]

Care For Me (Steve Rogers au) SugarDaddy!Steve

•prologue•

An alternative universe where Steve isn’t an Avenger, but rather a CEO of one of the biggest companies in the US. His best friend and business partner Bucky secretly made him an account in an online dating site for sugar daddies and sugar babies, setting Steve up on a date with the only suitable sugar baby he thought was best for his best friend among the million others in his inbox.

It’s you. You’re the sugar baby.

Or,

Where reader is a med student who is badly in need of financial support and resorted to desperate measures by signing up to an online dating site with a little help from reader’s best friend, Nat.

•••

You ran up the staircase, not bothering to apologize as you bumped into strangers along the way. Your heart hammered against your chest as sweat outlined your forehead, thoughts running through your mind as you wondered what could have happened to your apartment. You just got a call from your good neighbor Mrs. Sally that the landlord stormed into your hallway followed by two men in white muttering angry words as he unlocked your door with his duplicate key. You knew instantly why he was there. You were getting kicked out of your own apartment since you weren’t able to pay for your rent in six months. The landlord had warned you beforehand to pay sooner, but it was getting harder and harder each day. You were already broke, all your savings spent on your medical school. You didn’t want to stop your studies—you were already on your third year and ever since you graduated college your goal was straight; finish med school, pass the licensure exams and become a doctor. You couldn’t even last a week on your countless part-time jobs because of your coming in late due to knee-deep work you have to face every single day in school.

Your financial status was making it hard for you to finish your goal. Very hard.

You reached your floor, and, as expected, all your things were outside your door in boxes. Your heart sank as you stared at the mess, your clothes and books thrown aggressively into the containers as if they meant nothing but pieces of trash.

You rushed inside and your landlord was standing by your small kitchen, barking orders at his two men, without even noticing that you entered.

“Please, sir,” you cried as you neared him. “Please give me one more chance. I’ll pay by the end of the month, I promise!”

He scowled at you. “I’ve given you too many chances, (Y/N). You’re too much.”

He turned his back at you and proceeded to march into your bedroom, calling out one of his men to follow him inside.

“No!” You yelled angrily this time. You couldn’t believe him. You may haven’t paid your debt owed to this man but that didn’t give him the right to intrude into your privacy.

You ran past them and stood in front of them before they could get any closer to the door, your cheeks flushed and eyes filled with angry tears.

“You can’t just walk into someone’s bedroom and take everything away!” You cried. “I can pack up myself! I don’t need your filthy hands on my belongings!”

Your landlord looked furious. “Then throw your damn things out of my apartment in the next hour or I’ll fucking rip this room apart by myself!”

You flinched at the loudness and anger of his voice before he turned around and left without another word, his men following close behind. Once you heard the main door slam shut you bawled your eyes out, sinking to the floor as you struggled to think of places where you could find refuge without having to pay. All you had in your wallet was a 20-dollar bill, and you didn’t have any extra cash in your bank account. You considered searching for very cheap rooms in the vicinity without having to ride because riding meant paying. But you couldn’t walk on the streets while struggling to hold boxes of your things. They were even too many for only two small hands.

You sobbed. At this point you felt so hopeless already. You almost convinced yourself that you were going to throw your unnecessary things away and sleep on the streets, while asking for spare change. You’d have to give up your med school since you couldn’t shoulder all the expenses anymore and just look for a job where it pays just enough for food and shelter. You didn’t have a family anymore to back you up. Your addictive mother left you for a stranger, and your father’s been gone even before you were born. You didn’t have any siblings, nor uncles or aunts or extended family members where you could go to for help. You had no one. It was only you.

You wiped away your tears, swallowing your pride as you took out your old, worn-out phone from your pocket and dialed your best friend’s number.

Natasha.

She’s been your best friend since high school, and you both shared the same passion in life. You both wanted to become a doctor. You both have so much in common, and you both agree to almost everything. You’ve been there for each other through the ups and downs, and Natasha has helped you through your own struggles financially. But asking for this big favor from her was just too much for you. You didn’t want to add a burden to your best friend—med school is already hard enough as it is.

But you were already desperate. You didn’t have any more options. This was the only one.

“Hello?”

You felt a sudden wave of relief hearing a voice so soothing in the midst of the chaos. “Nat, hi.”

“(Y/N), have you been crying? What happened??”

You hiccuped. “I-I’m fine, Nat. C-Could you come over? I k-kind of need your help.”

“I’ll be there in ten.”

As promised, a knock came from your door and you stood up to open it, revealing a worried Natasha standing over your disarrayed valuables.

You couldn’t help yourself. Fresh tears welled up in your eyes as she pulled you in for a tight hug and you sobbed into her shoulder.

“We’ll pack up your things and go to my house. You’re staying there for as long as you like. My home is always open for you, (Y/N). And you know that.”

...

“So? How did it go with Katherine?” Bucky spoke up as he stabbed his medium-rare meat with his fork, clearly playing with his food rather than eating it. It was lunch break and Bucky and Steve were in their usual go-to for lunch, Redbird.

“Despite the fact that we called it a night early? It was okay.” Steve replied with a scoff, bringing a spoonful of rice to his mouth and watched as Bucky gave his best friend a deadpanned look.

“And you were the one who ended things early, not her, right?”

Steve nodded. He was slowly getting tired of Bucky setting him up with several women, whom he doesn’t even take interest in. He always has the need to pair Steve with someone because “you always look so bleak and somber,” as Bucky would put it.

“Buck, I really appreciate you doing these stuff for me, being my wingman and all, but I really don’t feel like dating right now.”

“Oh, yeah?” He retorted. “Then why do you always look so depressed? You can’t fucking tell me your wealth and fame is making you distressed. That’s some absurd bullshit right there.”

“Language.” Steve glared at him. He always hated when people cussed. For him it was indecent and dirty.

Except, of course, cussing in bed. He can only tolerate profanity under the sheets. But not often, though. That would be too much to listen to.

“Seriously??”

“And yes, James. Wealth and fame does not automatically make you happy and unproblematic. Do you know how many rich and famous people died because they took their own life? Because they hide their problems. The only image the public sees is the happy and successful façade they show.”

Silence. Steve was almost convinced he had won over their little argument.

“That shit deep, man.” Bucky only chuckled to which his best friend exhaled an exasperated sigh. Steve couldn’t even bother to point out that Bucky said a bad language word again.

“But you’ve got friends. Your family loves and supports you, you make time for sports and leisure...what could possibly make you so sad??”

Steve breathed out. “I told you, I’m not depressed, I’m not sad. I just don’t feel like dating as of the moment.”

“Will you feel like dating again tomorrow?”

“Haha, very funny.”

Bucky only stared at his best friend as he took a sip of his drink, studying him with confusion and amusement. Very formal man, always has a steely look on his face, very dominant demeanor, couldn’t even stand hearing curse words! What could his best friend possibly like in a woman?? Were his calculations wrong? Did he expect differently? Was he looking at it in a wrong angle?

Is Steve gay??

“Barnes, quit staring at me like that. You’re making me uncomfortable.” Steve brought him back to his senses.

And then it hit him.

“Hey, Steve, I think I need to go.” Bucky announced as he stood up and gathered his phone and wallet lying around on the table.

“Oh? Why the sudden hurry?” The blond-haired man asked as his eyes watched his best friend suddenly look distracted.

“It’s nothing. I just forgot to feed my pet dragon.” He then proceeded to pace towards the exit, leaving Steve confused and asked himself how he was acquainted with a weird and funny man like James Buchanan Barnes.

Little did Steve know that his best friend was up to a very stupid but brilliant idea. He knew he was going to get in trouble if Steve found out about it, but it was worth a shot. And his plan involved an online dating site and younger girls.

........................... ........................... ...........................

A/N: New series! Yay!!! Tags are also open, just hit me up! Next part coming soon ❤️

[quirkwizard]

Spoiled Sushi

For a while, a certain article has been vexing me. One that seems to have a great misunderstanding of the series it was writing about, missing obvious points and core parts of the worldbuilding. No, it wasn’t by CBR, nor was it by Screenrant. But it was by Cruchyroll of all places. They decided to make an article about the Top 5 Misused Quirks in My Hero Academia. It was not good and has been bugging me. So I decided to give them a taste of their own medicine. I mean they try to shut down whoever even attempts to do what they do, so why not make fun of them for trying to do what I do? Plus you guys seem to like it when I’m snarky, so this could be fun for everyone.

For clarity’s sake, this was written at the beginning of 2019, when the most recent chapter was Chapter 214 and the the anime had only reached Season 3. I’m keeping that in mind as I write. I will also be skipping around some of the parts of the article as I am talking about it. If its not worth mentioning, I won’t bring it up, simple as that. For instance, I’m skipping the intro because it is completely superfluous and would only serve to make a completely different fanbase mad. Might as well, most of what I am passing up are just dumb jokes. But if you are curious... don’t waste your time reading this. Your time is valuable and you have better things to do then read this article.

5. Kurogiri Can Create Free, Renewable Energy

“In all seriousness, though, Kurogiri is probably one of the most powerful characters in the anime, with their being virtually no limit to how far he can extend his Warp Gate portals.”

I mean there are certainly limits for his Quirk. Besides the need to know the coordinates or see where he is moving, there’s obviously a limit to how much he can spread out his body.

“Why then doesn’t he use them to create near-infinite energy? Open two portals one above another, throw in a heavy object inside and watch it fall endlessly. Devise a way to hook a dynamo or something to it and, bam, you have free power that would make Kurogiri a billionaire overnight and a hero to the entire planet.”

This idea has so many problems that I don’t even know where to begin.

One, if this could work, it likely wouldn’t make a lot of energy. Besides the various physics problems involved in this, Kurogiri would just be one guy doing this, meaning that it’s unlikely he’d be able to make enough power to matter.

Two, Kurogiri would still need rest as he is a living being, meaning he wouldn’t to keep up this theoretical contraption forever and you’d get even less energy relying on him. At most, it would work best in a small bunker as a last resort.

Three, that sounds like it would be a lot more dangerous then it would be worth for the energy made. If Kurogiri would to lose focus for a moment, the portals fall apart and there would just be a lot of damage from this heavy object moving at high speeds.

“Even if Kurogiri only cares about taking down All Might, it would still be much easier to do if he had a literal mountain of money/public goodwill at his side.”

What kind of bizzaro universe are you living in where the guy who makes energy could possibly turn public option about the very well liked Number 1 Hero that saves lives every day? That’s literally what Lex Luthor does and people hate him for it.

4. Koji Koda Could Help Feed Billions Of People

“Koji is the resident Class 1-A stoner (get it? he's made of rock? come on) with the power to control ANY creature in the animal kingdom. This would logically also include spiders, meaning that Koji could literally end all street crime in, like, 5 minutes tops by swallowing all the criminals up in a giant arachno-tsunami.”

While this article is infuriating in many ways, it did give us the mental image of an “arachno-tsunami”. Which is totally worth sitting through this jumbled mess of words and ignorance.

“But, you see, Koji is just too shy and nice to be an effective hero. He wants to do good but he just doesn’t have that fighter instinct in him. Which is why he should instead use his Anivoice Quirk to revolutionize agriculture all around the world.”

You can be an effective hero and not beat people up. Sure, it certainly can come up in the job description, but that isn’t all of what a hero is meant to do. Koda’s Quirk makes him great at information gathering and rescue work, two very important aspects of hero work that suit his personality perfectly.

“Give him a megaphone and fly him over American fields, telling feral pigs to stop causing $1.5 billion worth of damage a year in destroyed crops. Fly him to Australia to tell the invasive cane toads and rabbits to kindly lemming themselves off a cliff. Have him tell the aggressive lionfish the get the hell out of the Atlantic. FORCE HIM TO GET OVER HIS FEAR OF BUGS AND MAKE AGRICULTURAL PESTS A THING OF THE PAST. “

There is no possible way Koda could be everywhere at once to pull that off. And considering that the average human voice can only carry for about a mile, IE, about the average size of a single farm. You know, because animals need to hear his voice in order to receive his commands. So even if it was limited to a single farm, its unlikely to do much to help. But by far the biggest issue with this entire plan is that what Koda does to an animal is not permanent. The second his control is interrupted, the animals return to normal, bound to just go back to whatever they were doing before. 

So if Koda tries to change anything, its just going to end up undone by the time he leaves, just delaying the inevitable problem that comes from these animals. So even if Koda told the pigs to go away, they’d likely be back by the next day, destroying farmland like nothing happened. Even then, because of the previous limitations, he’d still have to go farm by farm to pull it off. That’s not even mentioning all of the other suggestions. Honestly, if you wanted to do something with Quirk, you should just convince all the animals to line up during hunting season. Dark, yes, but it least it would offer a more permanent solution then what the writer is suggesting.

“If Koji was utilized properly, he could travel the world undoing mankind’s mistakes and creating organic, pesticide-free crops instead of doing what he does now, which is largely sitting around on his ass roleplaying Snow White.”

Which, in spite of many fans joking about his Quirk, has shown to be very helpful quite a few times.

3. Inko Midoriya Would Have Made A Great Nurse

“Izuku’s mother in My Hero Academia has mainly done two things so far: jack and squat.”

I mean she did design Izuku’s costume, even if it got replaced, its is still a corner stone of his design, and she offered a good amount of drama after the fight with All Might and All For One. 

“She did try to be a good mother but kind of failed at that when she tearfully apologized to her son because he was born without a Quirk, essentially telling him: “I’m so sorry I gave birth to such a loser.””

Would you believe that this one line was what really prompted me to talk about this? Because that is probably one of the worst takes I have ever in relation to this series. If you honestly believed that is what Inko was doing, the woman who practically raised her child by herself and constantly talks about much she cares for him, you must be watching the wrong series. That’s the only way I could explain why that is.

“So, she doesn’t really have much going on in her life. That’s why she should try nursing instead. I realize that becoming a nurse takes a lot of hard work and dedication, but Inko would be a natural fit for it. Despite her initial shortcomings, she is a very caring person with loads of empathy.” 

Inko’s empathic? Could have fooled me. I mean she did feel the need to apologize to her son for giving birth to a loser. No, I am not over that, how could you have possibly gotten that from the scene?!

“She also has the power of limited telekinesis. Inko can move small objects over short distances, and while that would not be helpful for stopping crime, it would be great for, say, removing kidney stones. Or things stuck in people’s throats. Or coins from children’s stomachs.”

Trying to use a Quirk like this in any kind of medical procedure is laughable at best and dangerous at worst. Imagine if Inko had to remove a bullet from someone. From what we see, the process of her moving objects is slow and need several pulls from her to attract the object to her. So if she’s going to try to pull it out and its going to get caught on something, causing more damage to the person she is trying to save. She’s basically going to be keying the insides of whoever she is trying to operate on.

The entire reasons doctors, especially surgeons, train for so long is because the human body can be extremely delicate. It needs a lot of care and time so the doctors don’t make things worse for the patients. It’s why surgeons need to have such steady hands and a lot of time even to due minor procedures. But trying to do that with a Quirk is just going to cause more problems then it can solve. Doing that with a Quirk like Inko’s just lacks a lot of the precision and dexterity necessary to pull this off.

2. Uraraka Should Go Work For A Shipping Company

“Ochaco Uraraka has one of the most well-rounded Quirks out of all the main characters: Zero Gravity. With it, she can make objects and people float, which is great for offense, defense, and rescue operations. As a superheroine, she is doing everything right with her Quirk.”

I mean “Zero Gravity” can kind of be used offensively, but not effectively as other Quirks. Its why she did all of that training with Gun Head to make up for her lack of an offensive presence. Eh, two of three ain’t bad. I’ll take what I can get.

“I just think Uraraka should never have become a superheroine in the first place. Uraraka has actually always been honest about her motivation: she wants dem YEN YEN BILLS YO (for her struggling family.)”

That’s because hero work is an extremely frugal business even super minor heroes can still seem to make a decent living out of it.

“But regular jobs also exist in that world, and that must include shipping companies that would instantly hire Uraraka to Zero-G their freighters, trucks, and planes. Even if she cannot make them float, she can still remove enough gravity from them to save the company tons of fuel. Company profit margins are razor thin.”

First off, its mentioned several times that if you want to use a Quirk for a job, you need to have a hero license. Its to make sure you know how to use your Quirk properly so you don’t end up hurting someone with your powers. So for her to even try this, she needs to go through hero school anyway. Might as well get the most out of it. Second, Uraraka cannot lower the gravity of her target. Either the object is floating or it isn’t floating. There is no in between for Uraraka. 

Third, given what we’ve seen from Uraraka, there is no possible way that she could ever lift that much. She’s barely able to lift three lower numbered robots and that was only for a few seconds. So, at the most, she can lift a few tons. How exactly do you expect her to work with something like a cargo plane, which, on its own, can weight over forty five tons, not including fuel or any extra cargo?

Which is another thing I noticed throughout the article: the writer seems to severely overestimate how effective Quirks actually are. The range and scope of Quirks is much smaller then other power systems, even when compared to similar “low level” series like HunterxHunter. Like every kind of application listed goes far beyond what most Quirks are capable of, such as forgetting certain drawbacks. And that is most notable with the last suggestion.

1. Momo Could Solve Literally All The World’s Problems

I bet Kohei Horikoshi was really proud of himself when he came up with Momo Yaoyorozu’s design: No, see, she HAS to dress scantily because her Quirk is Creation, i.e. the ability to create any object she wants through her skin, which must be constantly exposed. Peachy.”

Oh boy, it wouldn’t be any sort of discussion about Momo without beating that long dead horse. What’s next? Bakugou angry? Izuku cry? 

“Momo can apparently create anything as long as she understands its composition, and seeing as she’s made an ethanol spray can, infrared goggles, a lighter, and a tracker, it seems like there’s nothing she cannot make.”

Oh boy, it wouldn’t be any sort of discussion about Momo without a grievous misunderstanding of how her Quirk works either. Maybe they are in the fandom. As I have mentioned in my Momo Misconceptions post, Momo needs fat to make what she does. She’s not an alchemist where she can just clap her hands and make whatever she wants. If she doesn’t have enough fat, she cannot make items. By those very rules, some things are just out of her reach because it would just take too much fat. It’s why she limits herself to simpler items.

“Cool. MAKE US SOME HELIUM THEN. The world is running out of the gas and we need it for MRI scanners and the like. Momo could make more of it.”

Actually, we don’t even know for sure if Momo is capable of making gases. All we have seen her make is solids and a few liquids. There is the lighter she made, but that could easily run on lighter fluid.

“Or thorium. She could make thorium that we could use to make thorium-based reactors that are apparently way safer than uranium ones.”

Thorium isn’t even that rare, just as about as common as lead and three times as common as uranium. Even if it was a problem, it would likely kill her, either from burning through all of her fat or from the exposure to radiation.

“Medicine, fresh water, cheap electronics that we could send to developing countries: Momo could crank all of those out in an afternoon.“

Yes, in theory, Momo could do that, but not the extent that she would make a major difference in the world like they are suggesting. There are just more practical and better long term solutions then trying to force a single person to do all of that. It’s almost as if Momo is a regular human being who has limitations you need to keep in mind when making these ill informed suggestions.

“And while spending your life as a walking Everything Faucet might not seem that glamorous, it actually has the potential to change the entire planet for the better.”

Given the kind of set up and effort that would be required to even attempt that, I think “horrific” would be a more appropriate descriptor since it would be done to a living, thinking person.

Honestly, I think that most of these people are doing more with their Quirks now then with any of these suggestions. At least, when you actually think about the rules and limits of the characters. Sure, Inko isn’t doing much, but she is a civilian with a fairly weak Quirk. Kurogiri acts as a major player within the League, getting them around quickly and evading capture. I mean he is using his power to help out a bunch of villains, but my point still stands that he is not “misusing” his Quirk.

In fact, a majority of the people on this list are doing more to help people and save lives by being heroes. Given the limitations of their abilities, using them to stop superpowered criminals who risking damaging the people around and helping victims of these crimes is doing then any of those roles in spite of the fact that the article tries its best to downplay that these people are already saving lives. So, in reality, they are doing far more to help people then doing any of these ideas, you damp sock of a writer.

[johannstutt413]

(requested by mathmaticalknight)

“Alright, alright, is everyone here?” Blaze glanced around at the table of folks she’d gotten together at her usual bar. “Good. First things first: the Doctor, Bunny, and Kal’tsit can’t figure out what we’re up to, kapeesh?”

“Obviously. It’s pretty hard to surprise someone when they know something is coming,” Click agreed, messing with her camera settings as they talked. She wanted to be sure she was the first person to get the Doc’s face on camera.

Nearl looked a little uneasy, sitting in her chair. “This all seems rather in poor taste, skulking about like criminals.”

“Hey, you’re here, too,” Rope commented. “Don’t get all high and mighty on us, ‘ma’am.’”

“Right, I apologize...Miss Blaze?”

The Feline came back to earth from her musing on the Doctor’s face. “Don’t worry about the Miss, Nearl. Alright, I’m really bad at plans, so does anyone have one?”

“Hmm...Where does our Doctor spend the most time?” Leonhardt asked, looking around the table. “In the office, right?”

“When not in her room, yes,” Gravel confirmed, a knowing smile on her face.

Rope raised an eyebrow. “You’re sure the Doctor’s a woman?”

“Oh, I’m quite sure~” Her smile spoke for itself. “It will be fun to see how you all go about this, though.”

“If they spend most of their time in their office, then maybe we can set up an ambush in the hallway. Trip them with one of Rope’s tethers, go to help them up and ‘accidentally’ slip the mask off their face?”

Blaze nodded. “Seems like a start to me. Leon, you came up with that idea, so you and Rope can work together on it. Let’s say that’s Plan A. Who’s got a second option?”

“Ooh, I think I have one.” Utage grinned. This plotting thing was pretty fun, it turned out. “They have to eat at some point, right? Get them talking while they’re having lunch, sneak some recording in while they do.”

“Yeah that seems fine. Nearl, you cook the best out of anyone here, so can you take care of that?”

The knight nodded. “That does seem to be one of the more honorable ways to participate in this quest.”

“I’ve got one.” Gravel raised her hand. “Why not just ask?”

“...Last resort. Alright, I think this takes care of our first meeting. Click, you know what to do, so just get in there and make some movie magic. The rest of us? We have our assignments.”

Rope cocked her head. “And what are you gonna be doing during all of this?”

“Me? I’m as subtle as a sledgehammer. You really want me helping out?”

“...Good point.” The Cautus sighed. “Alright, Leon, let’s talk about what kind of tethers you’re thinkin’...”

--- ----- ---

“And...action!” Click whispered from the shadows as the door to the Doctor’s office opened, allowing her to slip in as Utage brought in a lunch bag for them.

“Good morning, Doctor.” She set the bag on their desk. “It’s about time for lunch, isn’t it?”

They nodded, their voice - as usual - muffled by their mask but still perfectly audible. “Yes, it is. You brought this for me?”

“Miss Nearl would have brought it herself, but she’s busy with some other things, so I volunteered to bring it to you. Dig in!”

“Oh, I will.” The bag remained undisturbed as their hands ran up and down the keyboard in a hail of keystrokes. “Not at the moment, however. I have to finish this report before the words leave me.”

Utage sighed - she’d hoped to be there when the main event happened. “Very well. Have a good day, alright?”

“Oh, I plan to. It should be a film-worthy one.” Was it just Click, or did their head tilt ever-so-slightly her direction when they said that? Nah, probably just coincidence.

‘Man, they’re good,’ the record-keeper had to admit. ‘But I’ve got the fastest red-button hands this side of Higurashi, so good luck getting past me, Doctor. One way or another, I’m gonna see what’s behind that mask of yours. Believe it.’

Their report seemed to be quite a long one, however, as it was thirty or so minutes before they stopped typing and turned their attention to the bagged lunch. Slowly, they reached out, took hold of the bag, set their other hand to their face- and at that exact moment, her camera malfunctioned. ‘Sonuva- wait, are they…?’

“Ah...That was good.” The Doctor, in what couldn’t have been more than a minute, had already eaten their food and was rolling up the bag into a tube. Once they were done, they stretched, said to the corner where Click was hiding, “I’m going to take a walk,” and got up from their desk.

...The Zalak sighed, waited for a moment for the door to swing, and bolted after them.

Down the hall, Rope and Leonhardt waited around a corner, hidden from that direction by the shape of the walls. “You think Plan A failed?” The criminal wondered aloud.

“Probably. The first one almost always does.” He gave her a once-over. “Hey, are you busy later?”

“I’m doing this instead of working, if that’s any indicator.”

The folk hero smiled. “Cool. Wanna get drinks when we’re done here? I’ll buy.”

“Oh, you would one way or the other.” She giggled mischievously, messing with her bangs. “Still, nice to have someone ask for a change. Sure, let’s do it.”

“Morning, Rope, Leon,”  the Doctor said as they walked by, a yellow-and-grey blur walking in their shadow.

Once they’d walked by, Rope sighed. “Well, there goes Plan B.”

“Yeah...I don’t mind, though.”

“Me neither.” She shrugged. “Especially if Gravel’s right about them being a woman.”

Leonhardt nodded. “Honestly, any answer at this point would ruin things for me. So, how about that drink?”

With both plots foiled, Click at this point was simply chasing the Doctor out of habit; they had nothing else to do, nowhere to go, and she’d come this far, so she might as well keep going and see how deep this rabbit hole ends up. In the middle of an empty hallway, after a quick glance around, their subject stopped, turned faster than the Zalak could move, and nodded. “Gravel, have you shut off the camera in this hallway as requested?”

“Yes, Doctor~” The second Zalak practically materialized next to Click, whose eyes blinked several times in rapid succession.

“Excellent.” They turned their focus to the streamer. “Turn the recording off, please.”

She sighed and complied. “Sorry, Doc, it’s just-”

“Oh, I know. You’re curious, aren’t you? Curious why I wear the mask?” As they talked, the emergency quarantine walls shut off the hallway; anyone outside would see Blaze casually whistling from not too far away from a recently-pressed red button.

“C-curious?” The sudden set of twists spiked her adrenaline; her eyes turned crimson. “I’m a girl working for the public, Doctor. People wanna know, and I wanna be the one to tell them.”

They cocked their head. “You don’t want to know for yourself?”

“Honestly? A scoop’s a scoop, and at this point, the only way I’m getting the shot is if you give it to me...Still would be nice to have your face on camera.”

“Fair enough.” Without hesitation, they took off their mask...revealing a brown-haired Cautus with Originum-dyed sclera and piercing crimson irises. “Any questions?”

The Zalak hit record, and this time, her camera turned on without any issues. “People have been dying to know: how do you identify yourself, gender-wise?”

“A tactician.”

“...Interesting.” She scrapped the next question she had, and found she’d run out of questions. “Well, that’s all I can think of.”

The Doctor smiled. “That’s fine. I have a question for you, while I’ve got you here.”

“Really?”

“Mmhmm.” Click blinked, and they were in front of her, the camera feed turning to static. “Why do you think I want to keep my appearance a secret?”

...There were two paths before her, and she chose the one less followed. “Because you save it for your friends?”

“Close. Gravel and Blaze are the only other two who’ve seen my face before. The latter forgot, as her witnessing it was an accident on the battlefield; the former...it’d be rather hard to avoid her seeing my face every night.”

“Ah.” The streamer nodded towards the Zalak in question. “That makes sense...So why show me?”

The Doctor’s grin went toothy; Click swore she could see flecks of Originum slug in their mouth, but that must’ve been her imagination. “Because if you say no, I can simply make you forget.”

“Say no to what?”

Gravel whispered something in her ear, and the red in her eyes faltered for a moment before flaring to the point of glowing. She turned off her camera as the Doctor redonned their mask,  isolation walls coming down around them.

A video was posted later that night. Click, eyes their usual color but hat off and hair somewhat frazzled, reported that out of respect for the Doctors’ privacy, she would not be able to release any videos of the Doctor’s face. Before the end, however, some of her keener viewers noticed something unusual: a hand beckoning to her from offscreen...

[omg-imagine]

⊱ Forget Me Not (1/15) ⊰

Pairing: Keanu Reeves x Reader

Summary: After you wake up from a coma and realize that your memories from the last five years have been erased, Keanu works to bring back what you have lost.

Words: 2k

Warnings: Mention of car accident, injuries

A/N: This is my first attempt in doing a series and I’m super excited/nervous. Everything’s mostly outlined already and I’m hoping to post a new chapter every Sunday.  If you’d like to be tagged in this, let me know! 

As always, I hope you enjoy!

The heavy rain poured down from the dark skies, battering against the roof of Keanu’s Porsche like a hail of bullets. Loud roars of thunder filled the gaps of silence every few minutes, followed by bright flashes of lightning that illuminated the world outside. The wipers moved impressively fast as they tried to sweep the droplets of water away from the windshield. Still, they could barely keep up with the torrent of rain hammering the city of Los Angeles.

Turning down a corner, Keanu cursed under his breath when he realized that the road was flooded. He quickly made a U-Turn back onto the main street, his tires skidding across the wet pavement. He searched for an alternative way that he could take, but the chaotic storm only made it more difficult for him to do so. He could hardly see what was ahead of him, and he was beginning to lose his patience.

Fortunately, Keanu was able to find an access road leading to the freeway. He knew it wasn’t safe going twenty miles above the posted speed limit, but he had already lost too much time trying to navigate through the storm. All he cared about at that moment was that the faster he drove, the quicker he got to you.

He could still remember every word of that phone call from nearly an hour ago. It was from an unknown number, and initially, he didn’t want to answer it just in case you decided to call him back. But something in his gut told Keanu to answer, and he did. It had been a nurse on the other line saying that you were in an accident, and you were rushed to the emergency room in critical condition. As soon as he heard that you were hurt, he was already running out of the door.

His eyes glistened as he thought back to the moment before you had left your shared home in such a haste. Keanu blamed himself for giving you a reason to leave the house while a storm raged outside. He should have held back his tongue, took your car keys, and convinced you harder enough to stay. If only he had done just that, you wouldn’t be in this situation right now.

The rest of the drive to the hospital was a blur. After driving for fifteen minutes when it should have taken Keanu at least thirty, he finally arrived in front of Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. He parked his vehicle in a nearby lot before rushing towards the entrance, the pitiless rain soaking his hair and clothes in an instant. Reaching the glass doors, they parted for Keanu to step inside, and he immediately headed to the main desk ahead.

“Hi, I-I’m here for my partner, Y/N Y/LN,” he managed to say as he caught his breath.

The nurse nodded, checking her system for your information. “Yes, I was the one who called. Your name was listed as Y/N’s emergency contact. According to the last update on here, it says that she was wheeled into surgery about thirty minutes ago, Mr. Reeves.”

“Is she going to be alright?” Keanu asked wearily, hoping that her answer was what he wanted to hear.

It wasn’t.

“We don’t know yet, sir,” she replied sadly before placing a clipboard on top of the counter. “You can sit in the waiting room until the procedure is over. In the meantime, we need you to fill out these papers on her behalf.”

With a nod of his head, Keanu walked down the hall with the paperwork and a pen in hand. The waiting area was stark and quiet. The television mounted on the wall was playing a movie, not that there was anyone paying attention to it. There were a couple of other people scattered in the room, though most were asleep due to the late hour of the night.

Keanu took a lone seat in one corner of the room, ignoring the uncomfortable sensation of his drenched clothing sticking to his skin. He then pushed his long hair back, letting out a deep sigh. The adrenaline had finally subsided, and he had the opportunity to just breathe. He already knew that this was going to be a long wait, and he didn’t want to spend the whole time mulling about the things that he could have done to prevent this. As a start, he decided to concentrate on filling up the paper with your information first.

Most of the questions it asked were basic, nothing that Keanu couldn’t answer. After being together for nearly five years, he knew everything there was to know about you. He knew all of your favorite songs, the foods you liked and disliked, the names of your closest friends, and more.

You had been nothing but kind and understanding to Keanu from the moment you two met. It wasn’t an easy life living under the public eye because of his job as an actor, but you’ve always handled it so well. No other person he has ever dated had made him feel so happy and complete. To him, you were the most precious thing in the entire world, and he has never loved someone so deeply until you came along.

God, why did he have to screw up so badly?

Keanu set aside the clipboard and buried his face in his hands. He needed to call your parents and tell them what had happened. With a sharp exhale, he fished out his phone from his pocket and called your father. As the phone rang in his ear, he planned inside his head how he was going to break the news.

“Hi, Keanu,” your father greeted. He sounded as if he had just woken up, which he probably did. It was only five in the morning where they lived on the east coast. “Is everything okay, son?”

Son. Keanu was very close to your parents since the day you introduced him to them. They had quickly taken a liking on him, seeing that he was the first man you’ve dated that treated you right. Your parents loved Keanu as if he were one of their own, and it broke his heart knowing that this was all his fault.

“I’m sorry for waking you up, but...” Keanu began, his voice starting to break as he tried to find the right words. “It’s Y/N.”

“What? What happened?”

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Keanu told your father about your current condition. As expected, your parents would be taking the first flight out of New York to be with you. After an exchange of reassuring words, the call ended, and Keanu couldn’t hold back any longer, letting his tears finally fall.

An hour went by, then another and another. The clock on display made time felt as though it was moving much slower, making the wait much more unbearable. Keanu would glance up, and in every instance, he swore that the second hand would linger an extra minute at every passing second.

The padded chairs didn’t bring much comfort throughout the night. Every so often, he would walk around the room, stretching his legs for a bit before returning to his seat. Despite exhaustion threatening to take over, Keanu pushed it aside for as long as he could. He was afraid that if he dared to shut his eyes, he would see the nightmare that was already haunting him even while awake.

Keanu did whatever he could to pass the time. He texted his mother and sisters about where you were, not expecting an answer right away because he was sure they were still asleep. He then attempted to read some of the outdated magazines available and watched whatever was on the television. He even resorted to simply staring at the window and watching the rain as it pelted against the glass.

But none of them were enough to distract Keanu. All he could think about was your well-being, and how you didn’t deserve to go through this. He didn’t want to lose you, and the mere thought of it was scaring him. You had so much life left to live, and it wouldn’t be fair for the universe to suddenly take it away.

Eventually, the storm relented, and the skies that were black shifted to blue, signaling a new day of life. The sun rose slowly yet surely, its natural light bringing a sense of calm to Keanu. For a brief moment, he basked in the peacefulness, only wishing that you were there with him to enjoy it.

“Mr. Reeves?”

Keanu turned around, his eyes catching sight of a doctor standing before him. He instantly pushed himself up from his seat, extending his hand for a shake.

“Keanu, and you must be Y/N’s doctor.”

“Yes, my name is Dr. Henderson,” the older gentleman introduced. “How are you doing?”

“I’m doing alright, I guess,” he replied with a slight shrug. “How’s Y/N?”

“Well, when Y/N first arrived, she was in bad shape, but we managed to stabilize her. The car accident caused a lot of internal bleeding that we were able to stop during the surgery,” Henderson explained as Keanu took in every word that was said. “Unfortunately, she’s not out of the woods yet. She did sustain severe head trauma, and as a result, she’s currently in a coma. We won’t know the extent of her injuries until after she wakes up.”

Keanu lowered his head, releasing the breath he was holding. “And when will she wake up?”

The doctor sighed, and that’s when Keanu looked up, seeing the uncertainty painted on the other man’s face. “I’m sorry, Mr. Reeves. We don’t know how long it’ll take. It could be days, weeks, maybe even months.”

“Okay,” was all that Keanu could say after a while. “Can I see her?”

Dr. Henderson gave him a sympathetic smile and a nod. “Of course.”

Henderson led the way as Keanu trailed closely behind. The walk to your room seemed endless. Every hallway they turned down to looked the same as the last. The blank white walls of the hospital felt cold, constricting and unwelcoming, it was becoming a place where a person like you shouldn’t belong.

Soon, they reached the foot of your door, your last name printed on a placard just below the room number. All Keanu had to do now was push down on the handle and open the door. His mind prepared him for what he was about to see. But as soon as he entered inside, it was worse than what he could imagine.

He crossed the room with cautious steps, afraid that if he were loud enough, it might disturb you. Your body was hooked on many machines, none of which he could possibly know what for other than they helped keep you alive. Once he reached your bedside, Keanu saw your delicate skin littered with the reds of your scratches and the blues of your bruises. Seeing you this way made his chest tightened, and if he could, he would trade places with you so that you no longer had to suffer.

Your body laid very still, and it was unnerving for Keanu to witness. Bringing a chair closer, he then sat down beside your bed, reaching out to hold your uninjured hand. He asked himself how you could look so peaceful after experiencing so much pain. If you had been awake, you would have surely given him a smart answer, and the two of you would then laugh about it.

Keanu felt the tears pricking his eyes as he continued to grasp your hand in his. He would do anything in the world just to hear the sweet sound of your laughter again. Though he was unsure of what tomorrow and the following days would bring, he knew that he would be right there by your side, waiting for you to wake up from your deep sleep.

Because despite everything that has happened, Keanu loved you, and he made a vow that he would never give up on you no matter what.

Part 2

Tagged: @penwieldingdreamer​

[lia-jones]

Growing Together - Chapter Three - Rising Star

Victor barely slept that night, concerned about his wife.

Andrea barely ate anything at dinner and began to look lethargic and sore, the rabies shot affecting her even more than the monkey bite itself, probably bringing a fever with it. When she said she wanted to take a shower and go to bed, he took matters into his own hands and helped her shower, afraid she would collapse should she do it on her own. After he settled her in bed, it took mere seconds for her to fall asleep, warm and cozy against him, while he entertained himself with a book. He watched over her, holding a quiet vigil in her slumber, making sure she was warm, comfortable, and healthy.

Once again, Andrea’s stirring woke Victor up. The sun was starting to rise in the Balinese sky, the only thing audible was the ebb and flow of the waves in the distance, the local birds still slumbering in their nests. He wondered if she was starting to get a fever, her cheeks looking more flushed than usual. He gently pressed his lips against her forehead, deeming the temperature acceptable. He wondered if her injury was causing discomfort, unable to t tell if her shoulder was swollen under the bandage. With a very light hand, he touched her on that spot, trying to determine if there was swelling or something that could indicate an infection. Everything seemed normal. She was safe and sound in his arms. Satisfied, Victor leaned his face against her hair and closed his eyes to sleep.

However, he found himself unable to fully relax.

Another thought stirred inside Victor’s somnolent mind. Taking care of Andrea physically was not his only job as a husband, he had to make sure she was happy as well. His biggest challenge, however, was that he had no idea of what made a good husband, or a good father, for that matter. He remembered witnessing his parents happy and in love at a very young age, and after that they had drifted apart, both using their careers as an excuse.

Victor could only guess what being a good husband meant, because he truly had no tangible idea. Still, he would try his best. Andrea gave him so much. She certainly deserved his best.

Victor grimaced as he remembered the way he scolded her earlier; he had reminded himself of his own father: insensitive, imperious, cruel even. Even if it was based on concern and good intentions, his wife did not deserve to be spoken to that way. He made a decision there and then: his main goal for the next day would be to make Andrea smile and allow her to shine her brightest.

Victor tried his best to keep true to his promise, tending to her every need, watching her mood carefully, and acting accordingly. The resort doctor came again to check her wound, which had improved greatly overnight, and told them she could remove the bandage. As a reward of sorts, Victor and Andrea took a dive in the swimming pool, ate, and slept, returning to their previous honeymoon bliss. Still, Andrea seemed sad for some reason, her natural light dimmer than usual. It was when she caught her, later that day, staring at her purse, lost in thought, that he understood why. She was worried about all the text messages Olive had left her.

It was only natural that she would worry, not knowing what was happening back home could only make her picture all sorts of scenarios, probably even worse than the one that was actually happening. On the other hand, Victor knew that the moment she found out there was something wrong with her study, she would lose her for the rest of the honeymoon. She wouldn’t trust other people much with her work and would want to supervise every single inch of progress, forgetting all about the honeymoon. Whatever was happening back in Loveland, Olive and the research team would have to fend for themselves. In the meantime, Victor would have to take his wife’s mind off the subject.

After dinner, Victor took her outside to enjoy the warm night on the patio. They laid down on the big bed by the pool, watching the stars.

“Does your shoulder hurt?” He eyed her carefully, as she tried to make herself more comfortable on the mattress.

“No, not anymore.” She tossed a bit more. “Just trying to find the perfect position.”

Victor smirked to himself. She could be such a dummy sometimes.

“Luckily for you, I know exactly what my wife needs.” He tugged her arm, pulling her closer. “Come use your special pillow.”

She smiled and snuggled against him, resting her head on his chest.

“You were right, this is much better.” She moved closer, as Victor’s arm came behind her, drawing lazy circles on her skin.

They laid still for a moment, enjoying the quiet of the night, until Andrea broke the silence.

“Do you know anything about constellations?”

“Can’t say that I do, why?” He looked at her, curious.

“You and I, laying like this, looking at the stars…” She trailed off. “It’s like in the movies.”

Victor couldn’t hide his smile. Even his wife, who was always so practical and down to earth, enjoyed some romance from time to time. He would obviously oblige. That’s what a good husband would do.

“Anyone could tell you about the most commonly known constellations, such as the Big Dipper or Orion’s Belt.” He playfully quipped. “But only I can tell you about the Mystery Constellations, which only a handful of men on this planet know about.”

“Is that so?” Andrea smiled, playing along. “Mystery Constellations, you say?”

“Now that you are my wife, I feel more at ease sharing this incredibly sensitive information with you, provided you promise me you won’t tell another soul. Do I have your word?” He ceremoniously asked, making his wife giggle.

“You have my word.” She answered, amused.

“Perfect.” He nodded, pointing to the sky. “Do you see those four stars, forming an imperfect trapezoid?”

“Those over there?” She looked at the spot in the sky where he was pointing. “Yes, I guess.”

“That’s the constellation of Pudding.” The statement made Andrea laugh hard, and Victor almost lost his composure as well. “Don’t laugh, I’m serious.” He scolded, trying hard to suppress his laughter.

“There’s a constellation called Pudding?” Andy laughed again.

“I don’t know why you doubt me, it’s right there.” He answered in all seriousness, making Andrea laugh again. “The legend says that, once upon a time, there was a prince that wanted to conquer this incredibly short and difficult princess’s heart.” He stifled a laugh, seeing she didn’t like the remark on her height. “However, the only thing he knew how to make was pudding, and this particular damsel did not like pudding, so the prince was in quite a predicament. He prayed to the gods to provide him with the finest ingredients, so he could prepare the perfect pudding, the one that would make her fall in love. The gods, moved with the very noble and handsome prince’s devotion, granted him his wish. He made the perfect pudding, a dessert so glorious it was known to drive mortals insane if they had too much of it, and also likely to cause a tummy ache.”

At this point, Andrea was lost in laughter.

“Do you want me to tell you the story or not? Your mockery is aggravating.” He teased her, just to see if he could make her laugh even more.

“Go on, noble and handsome prince.” She teased him back.

“I shall.” Victor continued. “Resuming, the prince had obtained the perfect gift to bestow to his loved one, but the gods had become jealous. Who was this mortal to become worthy of something so divine, that was clearly destined for the gods and the gods alone? They took the pudding away from the prince, and to reward him for his efforts, they made a constellation in the sky shaped like a pudding, to honor such a gastronomic masterpiece.”

“Wow, stargazing and storytelling. I’m impressed.” Andrea complimented, making Victor smirk internally. “But what about the prince? Did he get the girl?”

“It turns out the prince never needed pudding in the first place. May I remind you, he was very desirable.” Victor got another laugh from his wife.

“I’m inclined to agree with that.” Andrea smiled suggestively. “Thank you for showing me such a mysterious constellation.”

“I’m not done yet.” Victor was actually having fun acting silly. It was truly enjoyable to hear his wife laugh like that. Almost as much as making her scream his name. “Do you see those three stars in a row? That constellation is named King of Highhorseland.” Andrea laughed even harder than before. “Legend says…”

“Quit being petty!” She playfully scolded him, poking him in the ribs.

“Let me finish!” He poked her back.

“Nope. Another one.” She insisted, making Victor chuckle, amused that he was able to provoke her.

“Alright, fair enough.” He relaxed on the mattress, focused on the starry sky again. “Can you see that star over there, the brightest of them all?”

“You mean the plane?” She asked with a flat voice.

“I mean the star.” Victor corrected, although part of him was wondering if she was right.

“I’m pretty sure it’s a plane, Victor.”

“Excuse me, who is the knowledgeable astronomer here?” He playfully frowned at her. “This very special star is called Andrea. She’s bright, magical, and beautiful, and she brightens up my dark sky.” He came closer to her, their breaths mingling, their lips almost touching.

“That’s incredibly sweet.” She whispered. “Although you just named a plane after me.”

“Shut up.” Victor claimed her mouth for a kiss, slightly biting on her bottom lip, and all the foolery was promptly forgotten. There were other ways to make his wife forget all about her predicament, and the one Victor had in mind would prove to be even more pleasurable.

He tasted every inch of her skin, drawing from her lips all the pleasurable sounds she had in her, and only when she screamed his name in euphoria, when he bathed her and washed and soothed her spent body, did he let her collapse in his arms blissfully, her skin glowing as it always would when she was feeling happy.

As he watched her sleep, her body pressed against his, his chest swelled with the pride of a job well done. He had taken good care of her. He was a good husband.

He woke up before her, as usual. The bellhop delivered breakfast soon after, and came bearing a message: Goldman had called, and said a certain Mrs. Olive Carson was repeatedly calling LFG to find a way to reach Andrea.

Victor looked at his wife still sleeping peacefully. Why was the Dean being so insistent? Andrea was on her honeymoon, whatever reason she may have to inconvenience them, it better be a good one. Decided to take matters into his own hands, Victor took his phone and dialed Olive’s number, ready to severely reprehend her for being so inappropriate.

The conversation took an unexpected turn, and Victor found himself thanking her excitedly, telling her Andrea would call soon. He took a deep breath before he went to wake up his wife. He was so excited he could barely contain it, and he would probably scare Andrea.

He caressed her curls, watching her eyelids flutter to consciousness.

“Come on, sleepyhead. You have pressing matters to attend.” He tried to whisper, although he was so happy he found himself unable to be as gentle as he hoped.

“Breakfast? That can wait a few more minutes.” She rolled to the other side, her back facing him.

Victor was growing impatient. She needed to know the good news from the source, he didn’t want to be the one to tell her. But for that, she would need to stop her shenanigans.

“No time for snoozing, Andrea.” He then remembered something that would make her bolt from bed. “You need to call Olive. Something happened.”

As expected, Andrea jumped from the covers abruptly. Victor handed her the phone with a smile. Not that she noticed.

“Oh my God, what do you think happened?” She took the phone from his hand, a worried look on her face. She pressed the dial and waited for the recipient to pick up. Victor sat beside her, heart jumping in exhilaration.

He watched his wife grimace at the first words of the conversation, only for her expression to become one of disbelief. In each change in her, Victor’s smile went wider. When she hung up, she was frozen in shock, her eyes tearing up slightly.

“I won a GESA award.” She spoke slowly, not really believing it herself. “For Most Promising Mind in Economics. My study isn’t even completely over yet, but they loved it.” She suddenly jumped to Victor’s arms. “I won a GESA! Do you understand what this means?”

Victor wasted no time, now that his happiness could have an outlet. He took his wife and spun her around, both laughing with happiness. He then stopped, still holding her in the air, to kiss her as passionately as he felt. When they broke the kiss, they both looked at each other, their eyes shiny with happiness.

“It means you are brilliant, like I always knew you were.” His voice was tight with emotion, words failing to describe how blessed he felt. “It was only a matter of time for the world to see it too.”

“I didn’t do this alone, Victor.” Happy tears fell as she lovingly combed his hair back with her fingers. “You were my greatest support in all of this. You believed in me, even when I didn’t. You encouraged me and you watched over me. I can’t thank you enough, really.” She took his face in his hands and kissed his lips fervently. “I love you so much. Thank you for being in my life.”

“Thank you for being in mine.” He put her down, so his hands would be free to wipe away her tears. “I love you too, my light. And I am so very proud of you.” He kissed her forehead, his lips lingering on her skin. “Now, go get breakfast so we can go out and celebrate. We’ll go anywhere you want, as long as there are no animals involved.”

Andrea’s smile was so beautiful he couldn’t resist but to pick her up in his arms again, carrying her to the table. Victor couldn’t imagine a time in his life when he had felt so lighthearted, and they were only getting started, he still had a lifetime of happiness by her side. Whatever she thought he did, he would do it again and much more, just to see that smile on her face, casting a warm powerful light in his life and everything around her. Because she was the brightest star in his life. More than that, she was a rising star.

[canumoveurseatup-no]

dark room

summary: grow through what you go through.

(please read warnings and author’s note before continuing to read)

wc: 10.5k

pairings: dad!sam x black!reader

warnings: this gets real okay... it contains drug use, alcohol abuse, mental illness, parental abuse, mentions of suicide- it’s dark, it’s raw, it’s real so please read with caution. reader has fluid sexuality, light smut

a/n: my 20th birthday passed months ago (this was supposed to be out on my birthday, back in august) and i know that doesn’t seem like a big deal to other people but it’s a big deal to me, especially coming from someone who has tried to end their lives multiple times, someone who had battled mental illness for years, someone who used substances to numb any sort of pain. It’s been a long time coming. And I’m still fighting every single day but I am here so this is mainly for me but also for anyone who is struggling with anything in their lives. Keep. Pushing.

———————

You wanted to feel like you were dancing on the ceiling. You wanted to do your own little lonely dance like no one was watching. The room was hot, the smell stale, hair sticking to your forehead, nothing was real. You were a mere atom prancing across a screen of color. You didn’t notice the phones out recording you while you experienced one of the best trips of your life. They weren’t making fun of you, they were cheering you on but their cheers fell on deaf ears as it felt like you had cotton stuffed in your own.

You fell in a chair, seeing various pills splayed out on the table. So many to choose from, they were so pretty but then the sight of little white lines caught your attention, you weighed your options. You had enough nose candy before you even got here. You pre-gamed so hard you came to the party two hours late from falling out.

You wanted to touch the ends of the universe so you snatched another tab off the table and pressed it on your tongue like a fruit roll up with tongue tattoos on it. The dancing bodies in front of you distorted as you grabbed a heavy liquor bottle and stumbled from standing up too fast... or maybe it was the drugs? You felt your face smile and your body go numb as you fell back on a bunch of clouds.

You found a guy eyeing you from the other side of the room or at least it seemed like it, his face was an absolute blur. But soon he was right in front of you and you could see specs of yellow in his brown irises. They were almost like sunflowers.

“Wanna have a good time?,” he opens the palm of his hands and you see a pretty blue pill.

“What’s it do?,” you don’t notice the slurring, you don’t notice the left side of your body going numb... you stopped breathing for a minute and as fearsome as it sounds... you welcomed it. It’s all you’ve been craving since you were nine years old... to just. stop. breathing. But your chest opened up again, hugging the air tight in its lungs to keep your body alive.

“However you’re feeling now? Multiply that times ten... it makes you feel like your third eye is opening. You can taste colors, see tastes... it’s unreal,”

“How much for it?,” the words flew past your lips faster than your mind could understand.

“It’s on me,”

—————

You don’t remember how you made it home, maybe you walked again- maybe you made the right choice and called an Uber.

You only remember mumbling a “bye, daddy” to the guy who gave you the blue pill, sending you off with more for the future. You felt like God was holding you in his hands and blessing you with the best life right now.

You weren’t aware of your little brother’s door being cracked open and him waiting up for you as you tried to quietly get to the bathroom.

“Oops,” you laughed to yourself. It was a sight your little brother saw often- you didn’t know that, your dad didn’t know that. Keith never knew how to tell anyone he was worried for his sister. He was 12- he didn’t know what was wrong with you. But he didn’t hesitate to scream when he found you in the bathroom, sitting on the toilet with throw up all over yourself.

“Y/N!!,” he tried to shake you awake but your eyes were dull and half lidded, “Y/N stop! Wake up, wake up, wake up!!,” he even slapped you. Nothing worked.

“Dad!! Daaaaddd!,” Keith ran down the hallway to your dad’s room. Sam woke in a frenzy and looked at Keith with worry

“Something’s wrong with Y/N! She won’t wake up!,” the 12 year old sobbed and Sam booked it out of his room to find your body limp on the toilet. Underwear mid thigh, as if you passed out while trying to pull them down to pee. Throw up all in your lap, body dripping with cold sweat.

“Keith, Call 911!”

—————

He always watched you now... he always had appointments set up at the doctors to test your urine but it didn’t stop you from using. There were always ways around passing drug tests. Often times you’d ask a friend to pee in a cup then pour it in a ziploc baggie and hide it in your sports bra to keep it warmed up. You knew how to beat the system.

Pour a little in the toilet so it makes it look like you peed, they always check afterwards. Then pour it in the cup to the line they mark. You ‘pass’ each time.

“You’re coming on the trip,”

“I’ve earned your trust,” your mouth felt dry, the edible you took before 6th period still hasn’t worn off yet and you were trying to keep calm- there’s no way he was going to ruin your high.

“You’ve earned yourself suicide watch and consistent drug tests. My trust for you disappeared when I found you damn near dead and had to watch them hook you up to machines and put you on temporary dialysis amongst other things to save your life,”

He was still bitter. It happened a month ago. He should be over it, you were.

“Fuck you, Dad,” you stormed off to your room and slammed the door

“Don’t you talk to me like that in my house!,” he yelled from the other side of your door. He should have taken it off the hinges like he planned.

You didn’t want to go on some stupid resort. Something about channeling your inner peace and looking at the bigger picture. Everyone was going, even his old team members, a family you didn’t feel a part of, he thought it’d be a good idea to surround yourself with good company.

You scream out and begin throwing clothes into a bag knowing he wasn’t letting up.

You see the glimmer of a small plastic baggy under your mattress and pull it out, seeing an array of candy. Maybe you could survive this trip?

You stuff the baggy in a pair of socks and smile, hoping to get a sense of familiarity.

You were gonna survive this trip.

—————

You shouldn’t have worn shorts today. That stupid health class intern saw the marks on your thigh and told the school nurse and now your found yourself in the car with your dad yelling at you.

“What the hell is wrong with you?! Do you not realize you have a main artery in your thigh! Had you gone deep enough you would have been gone, Y/N! What the fuck is wrong with you,”

You figured if a parent found their 11 year old was cutting themselves they’d do something other than yell... they’d do something other than tell the entire family and have them call at you just to yell at you as well.

“Nothing in life is that bad for you to do that to yourself!!,”

“That’s stupid, Y/N! Who in their right mind would do that to themselves?!,”

You heard it all. You cried when you got home, and hugged your little brother, not knowing if you’d ever get the chance to again because you were on the verge of ending it all. 11 years old... wanting to end it... you weren’t sure what was wrong with you. You just woke up every day hating yourself, woke up everyday wondering what life would be like for your family had you not been born.

Your older sister didn’t know how to help.. and your little brother was sure he was going to lose his sister.

You believed you were a by-product of a bad relationship. So your self-hatred started young. Watching your parents argue everyday- watching your mom cry because your dad kicked all of you out on Christmas Eve and you had to stay with your grandparents... watching the ugly divorce and how he became an alcoholic and she became emotionally unavailable.. even having to talk to the cops because your dad left bruises on your legs, from beating you because you were calling out for him due to being afraid to sleep in your own room when you usually sleep in his...

But he had a lady friend over that night....

The meds the psychiatrist put you on gave you chest pains... you went from using a pair scissors to hurt yourself to watching YouTube videos on how to get a blade out of a shaving razor. You skipped meals just to be a little skinnier like everyone else in your family.

You wrote notes.. you wore black sweatshirts, even in the prime of summer, to cover your arms when you ran out of space on your thighs and ankles and hips. You were a mess and no one came close to understanding. You don’t know how or why you turned out this way.

You felt like your mom hated you, you felt like your dad wasn’t your dad, like he was just there... you were stuck in a place where you felt like you didn’t belong and it made your heart skip beats. It had you crying almost every night.

And everyday you struggled. Waiting for the day that you snap and off yourself.

————-

“Y/N! Y/N!,” you felt your sister, Savannah, nudge you in your rib cage, “Uncle Buck was talking to you, snap out of it,”

You felt everyone hug you and it felt unfamiliar. You felt out of place. All these bright green trees looked fake- the air was too clean- the water in the cups too pure.

You craved to be surrounded by drugged, dancing bodies, feeling the beat of the music vibrating every single nerve in your body. You wanted to feel like you were on the edge of death just to feel alive. You wanted to be surrounded by guys and girls who gave you the slightest bit of attention and took you home. You wanted to feel loved even if it were for a few hours out of the night.

You didn’t want to be here- you wanted to feel the burn of alcohol run down your throat. You wanted to see auras around everyone as you blinked. You wanted to hide in the bathroom and stumble against the walls, laughing as you struggled to get your pants down to pee. You wanted to numb every single thought, you wanted to get so blacked out you couldn’t remember anything that ha-

“Y/N, lets go unpack,” Natasha’s hand grasped around yours and you let her drag you to one of the resort rooms. Your bag tight around your shoulder, you looked around the room and hated to be in it. It was too bright, too colorful... you wanted to be in a dark room under a guy as he choked you out and you felt him deep in your stomach. You wanted to be in a dark room, feeling a someone’s lips on you, replicating what you expect love to be like.

Everything was too fucking bright... too bright compared to the dark rooms you’d be in at night, intoxicated, crying, while getting your brains fucked out because you just wanted to feel affection... even if it was fake.

“How have you been feeling?” She sits on the bed as you stand at the door, frowning at everything in the room, “You can be honest with me- I won’t tell Sam. I know it’s hard not having anyone to talk to-,”

“Is there a town close by?,” you snap your eyes towards her. It might be a dumb question but you zoned out the whole three hour ride here.

“Ugh yeah, about 20 minutes out, why?”

“C-can you get me? S-something? I- I need to... I just need to ebb the feelings away,”

“I want to help you, b-but I can’t do that for you,” she knew what you meant but no way in hell would she advocate for you continuing to tear yourself down.

“So why lie and say I can be honest if you can’t give me the one thing I need?!,” you felt the walls closing in. You focused too much on one thing and you found yourself stumbling.

“Y/N, it’s okay, I’m here, calm down, calm down,”

“Get out!!,” you felt your hands shaking, you had no control over anything, “I want to be alone! Get the fuck out!,”

“I can’t leave you alone like this!,”

You take your bag and storm off to the bathroom to lock the door. You wasted no time in digging in the bag for the sock with the little baggy of pills, popping three in your mouth and swallowing them dry. You don’t remember what kind of drug it was... you were just hoping it made you feel good.

—————

You were on autopilot. You forgot how to walk but your muscle memory helped propel you to the dining hall and there they had a sermon about trusting life’s forces and welcoming traumas to push through triggering times. You felt like it was a bunch of bull crap but you were interested because you were high off your ass.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom,”

Your dad eyed you closely but worried less when he actually saw you head to the bathroom.

You paced the bathroom until a girl walked in and eyed you closely.

“Your family drag you here too?,” she eyed you up and down. She knew your behavior all too well. You were on the verge of a withdrawal break down.

“You from around here?,” you wanted to get out of here. You wanted to have fun, you wanted to get hammered.

“Yeah why?,”

“Know any parties? Like- with tons of alcohol a-and stuff? I can’t sit around here and listen to this circle of life bullshit! I. Need. Sweat and hookups and to not remember anything,” you rambled and rambled until the girl calmed you down.

“Dude, chill out,” she placed her hands on your shoulder and shook you to calm you down, “Meet me by the ugly ass evergreen tree by the entrance- midnight. I’m about to lose my cool in this place too,”

She could really be a murderer, you don’t know this girl, nor a name, nothing. But it was worth a try. Not like you’d end up being best friends.

—————

It was easy. Savannah was out cold after the dinner- she loved to eat but, it never stuck. You wish you were like that but no... it stuck everywhere, it always did.

Your dad did his last check on you at 10 so it was easy to leave. The girl waited for you in her little Prius and you went about your way.

“I’m Eve by the way,”

“Y/N,”

You didn’t want to converse. You wanted chemicals coursing through your veins to shut off every single thought, every voice, every vision in your head.

“So what’s your story? You know this resort- It’s supposed to be some pseudoscience rehab,”

“Listen, Eve,” you sighed, “I’m not one for talking, now, get some alcohol in me and then you can get in my head, hell maybe even my pants, but until then, I don’t like to talk,”

“My parents found me with a needle in my arm,” she admitted, you cursed under your breath and realized she was gonna ramble anyway. But maybe this was good for her, someone her age, someone she could relate to, “It was laced but... God it was something great and I... I never wanted it to end,” she talked as if it was a dream.

“They told me I flatlined a couple times- I couldn’t tell though but... maybe I did because I felt like I was in heaven,”

She kept talking about her experiences until you pulled up to a house with a bunch of cars out front, you didn’t even wait for her to fully stop the car before jumping out and running inside.

You saw a bunch of tangled, kissing bodies, slumped, passed out bodies, people candy flipping, people snorting lines. You weren’t sure which poison to pick.

You walked up to a girl passing small baggies around, “What’s this?,”

“Its a new street drug called angel wings, wanna try it?,”

“Will it make me feel better than lsd?,”

“Way better, dude,”

“How much can 50 bucks buy?,”

“2 baggies. Five pills come in each,”

You slapped the fifty in her hands and snatched two from her, damn near ripping one of the baggies open, to pop a single periwinkle pill in your mouth and snatching someone’s cup to swallow it down. You spotted Eve looking around for you and rushed over to her, grabbing her hand.

“Wanna dance?,”

“Did you take something already?,”

“Yeah man, you wanted to talk? I’m drugged up enough to talk,”

————

Not much talking happened. You felt yourself crying until she held your face to wipe the tears away and you found yourself in her lap, kissing her with all your might.

“Y/N you don’t want to slow down? We don’t have to do this,”

You took almost a whole baggy of angel wings and felt like you were flying, every single touch she placed on your body made the hairs on your skin stand up.

“Wanna forget, everything,” you slurred, “y-you don’t have to because... someone else will but... I trust you- to take care of me,”

Eve felt her heart swell at your words. She squeezed your thighs in her hands. Your skin was soft just like her ex’s. The one Eve lost due to her addiction driving her away. You gave her a sense of familiarity, so she kissed you back with just as much urgency. Eve had her own drug of choice running through her own bloodstream and every time you touched her had her body vibrating with tingles. She flipped you over and removed any piece of clothing that got in her way.

“Love me...,” you pleaded, your eyes found hers in the dark room. The dark room you’ve been craving just so no one could see you, they can feel you and maybe see your silhouette but the can’t see... you. You felt tears come to your eyes and you were thankful she couldn’t really see them.

“Even though it’s fake.. just... just love me how you would love someone else,”

Teeth clashed, toes curled, muscles tensed, backs arched, it was invigorating. It might have been the drugs, it might have been the fact that Eve seemed to know you like her favorite song. The both of your fingers were soaked and sticky. Skin bruised with love bites and dented with nail impressions. Throats raw from moaning and begging.

You were close and once you hit the big O, you understood the meaning behind the drug name. You heard the beating of wings and saw the bright light. You were an angel ascending and the gates of heaven opened for you just as you let out that final scream of Eve’s name. Eve... first of God’s creation.

You felt her lips on your cheek as she came with you, she held you tight and you stared up at the ceiling, letting your body tremors calm as your mind shut down with the rest of you.

—————

Eve sobered up but you made sure to drink half a bottle of cheap scotch before heading back to face the wrath of your dad.

You saw the big ugly evergreen and grumbled to yourself. Eve held your hand the whole drive and you cringed at any contact. You felt bad that you felt repulsed by her touch but you were too sober for any interaction of the sort.

She parked the car and kissed your cheek, you let her, before getting out and mumbling a thank you and goodbye and heading back in the direction of your room. You slightly stumbled and didn’t notice everyone waiting for you outside. You sniffled and felt your nose hurt, you don’t even remember snorting anything. Don’t remember what pill you popped, what drug you sniffed or what drink you took to the head and that’s how you liked it.

“Where the hell have you been?,”

Your dad’s voice was muffled and all you could do was flutter your eyes at him.

“You’re drugged up right now aren’t you?!”

You simply walked around him in what felt like slow motion, you ignored everyone eyeing you like a helpless puppy and went in the resort room to go to the bathroom.

“Don’t walk away from me, Y/N! What is it going to take for you to get better?! To stop this shit?! You’re killing yourself and don’t even realize it!,”

“Oh I realize it,” you crawl in the bathtub and just sit there. You don’t turn on any water, you just sit there

“I just don’t care enough”

——————

You woke up to a splitting headache, still lying in the tub. You groan as you pick yourself up and head out to the room to see Savannah sitting at the foot of the bed, waiting for you to sober up.

“Why can’t you be normal?,” her eyes were red like she’d been crying, Keith was out cold, he fell asleep waiting for you to wake up, “You’re putting dad through so much. You’re traumatizing Keith. Get a fucking grip and sober up!,” she gritted through her teeth.

“I didn’t ask to be this way. I didn’t ask to be born, Savannah. I’m sorry I’m not perfect and pretty and popular like you or a kid genius like Keith. I’m sorry I’m a junkie with no future. You were there when I was in therapy. You were there when they diagnosed me with an anxiety disorder a-and bipolar disorder and an addictive personality... you were there... I didn’t ask to be this way. Want me to be normal? Well rewire everything in my fucking head to do it,”

She wiped her face and shook her head, “Listen, I’m sorry. I’m just worried about you,”

“Well don’t. If I’m not worried you shouldn’t be,” you undress and wrap yourself in a towel for a shower, “I’m too far gone for worrying,”

—————

The next day there were multiple families at one of the sermon meeting thingies and it just so happened to be set up like a fucking AA meeting.

“I’m not doing this bullshit,” It was your turn to speak and you scoff, getting ready to get up and leave until Sav stopped you. You heard everyone else’s story and it didn’t inspire you to get better, it didn't move you. You didn’t give a shit about any of this.

“Do this for me... for Keith,”

You saw Keith practically pleading you and you sat back down to introduce yourself.

“I’m Y/N,”

“Welcome, Y/N,” everyone said around the room.

“I’m only here because I was forced to,” You laugh to yourself, “I don’t believe I can get better, I mean I haven’t been anyway. I’ve been faking my drug tests to pass, I’m still using, still drinking,”

You could feel Sam burning holes in the side of your head at your admission.

“Last night I snuck out and got so high I felt like I was flying,” you sighed happily, “I don’t remember when I started using but I uh- it might have been when I was trading my anxiety meds for stronger pills like ecstasy then I jumped to lsd just to run away from my fucked up reality,”

You catch Tony’s eyes, then Steve then Nat and Wanda and Bucky and so on and they all looked at you with fucking pity, it made you sick.

“I don’t believe in this shit okay? I don’t believe in praying away all these fucking chemical imbalances in my head!,” you felt your stomach churn and you felt your eyes sting, “I think I’m okay! I’m fine!,” you yelled, you were angry now, you hated being forced to talk about it.

“I’m doing a lot better with drugs and alcohol than I am without,” you were really trying to convince yourself, you weren’t fooling anyone, “When I’m high I experience the highest of highs! I- I can stay up for days and not need a wink of sleep,” You animated your gestures and looked around in hopes someone would understand.

“I can finally eat without throwing it back up because then I don’t hate myself so fucking much!,” You pound your thighs and felt the shakes come back, “I can finally eat- I can finally give myself the basic things a human needs without hating myself for it” you felt tears pool in your eyes and you hated yourself for crying but you blamed it on the 24 hours of sobriety.

“When I’m high, I don’t feel the extreme lows of my disorders. I finally break out of my shell and meet new people. I talk! I- I meet guys and they show me affection even if it’s for an hour or two and I finally feel loved in my life!,”

You felt Savannah rest her hand on your arm until you jerk away.

“When I’m high- I’m waaaay up and and... and I’m happy! I don’t feel depressed I don’t feel anxious. Being high or drunk shuts up that stupid voice in my head and no one gets it! I am better inebriated! Why can’t you see that!!,” you look to Sam for an answer and all you can see is tears in his eyes.

“And if I die? Hell! It’d be best for everyone! You wouldn’t have to worry anymore! You w-wouldn’t have to waste money on doctors visits just for me to pour someone else’s piss in a fucking cup! No suicide watch! No more not trusting me. No more me faking to be happy.. if this kills me?? Everyone would get what they wanted,”

“What do you think everyone wants, Y/N?,” the woman running the session finally speaks up. Everyone around the room seemed worried for you. You truly didn’t understand why.

You look to Savannah and shake your head.

“Peace,” you shrug and angrily wipe your eyes,

“A normal life”

—————

Once you got back to the room you scream, you screamed so loud and cried and pulled at your roots, you saw yourself in the mirror and threw it off the wall just so you wouldn’t have to look at yourself

“Be normal!,” you screamed at yourself. You felt like a noose was around your neck and the ground beneath you opened up leaving you hanging, feet kicking, desperate for air.

“Why can’t I b-be norm-mal?,” you choked on your words and clawed at your throat. Everything was upside down and spinning.

You didn’t hear the door open, you didn’t know anyone was in the room until your dad picked you up and dragged you outside.

The cool air rushed its way into your nasal passages and your chest opened up with a gasp. You couldn’t see your dad because of the tears, you could barely hear him.

“N-norm-mal... I wanna be normal,” You kept repeating over and over until your body gave out succumbed to your meltdown. Sam hugged your body and rocked you back and forth, despite people watching from their own rooms or passing by.

“We’re gonna get you help,”

“I don’t want he-help. I want it to end! I want black out from all the shit I take a-and not wake up!,”

Sam didn’t know what to do. He knows the trauma he caused you was a part of the reason you’re in this spot and mindset.

“I ruin everything I touch... I... I just..,” out of all the things you could have become- you had to become an addict. At first you didn’t want to acknowledge it because you were functioning just fine, that is until you couldn’t wake up and go about your day without it, you couldn’t do basic daily tasks without popping a perc here and there, until you couldn’t go to sleep without taking something, “I want it to stop but then- then again I don’t b-because I love it- it’s disgusting,”

“It’s going to be okay,”

“But it’s not. Nothing is okay a-and you need to get comfortable with the idea of this killing me because- because it’s going to happen,”

———

“I don’t think drinking is going to help, Sam”

Tony took the cup from Sam and he lost it, “I’m gonna lose my daughter and it’s all my fault,”

Tony didn’t know how to talk about this kind of thing- what can be said?

“It’s no one’s fault, Sam. Life doesn’t always hand us the best cards,”

Sam sniffled and shook his head, lost, frustrated, angry, upset, “What can I do? I’m losing hope,”

“I don’t think you’re going to like my answer but it seems to be her best option,”

Sam looked hopeful- anything will do as long as it gave you a chance to get clean and stay alive

“What is it?,”

———

“Inpatient rehab?!,”

He dropped the bombshell when you all got back home. Dropped it right in front of everyone- maybe he expected you to welcome the idea with open arms but you know what goes on behind those closed doors.

“You’re fucking kidding!,” you had dark circles under your eyes and your lips were dry- your dad had literally kept you on lock down the remainder of the trip, you didn’t even have in person contact with Eve but you did however end up with her number to hit her up whenever.

“You admitted you had a problem, honey. This could be good for you,” Bucky spoke up and you scoffed loudly.

“I’m not going!,” You tugged on the sleeves of your maroon sweater and paced the room, “They’re just going to lock me in a room to the point where I have cold sweats and screaming for more morphine to make the pain, itches and delusions stop!,”

Nat tried to take your hand in hers but you slapped her hand away.

“Y/N!,” Keith stomped his foot and you stared at his small stature. Tears glistening in his eyes, bottom lip quivering, “You need help!! Stop it!,”

You scowled and turned away from your baby brother. Your body trembled as you tried to keep the sobs in.

“When do I go?,”

You weren’t prepared for the answer, but you should have expected it yet your stomach still dropped.

“They’ll be here to pick you up in an hour,”

—————

“Nothing is real,” you mumbled to yourself as you stare at yourself in the mirror. Your face was dull, eyes boring and empty, hair thinning, appetite decreasing. You’d think being here for 60 days so far would do you some good but no...

You barely slept. The first 30 days you cried and screamed to be saved but now you barely even speak. You sat back on your bed just to turn to the wall.

“Wilson- you have visitors,” the nurse came into your room and saw you sitting facing the wall. You were now eligible to have visitors and spend time with family and friends.

“Don’t want visitors,” you cleared your throat and stared at the pale yellow paint on the wall, judging the job of the painters for leaving so many air bubbles in the paint.

“This could do you some good,” your nurse shuts the door behind her and sits with you on your bed, “Your family loves and misses you. Seeing them could motivate you to finish this strong,”

That made you laugh, genuinely. Your body shook with an animated belly laugh.

“They fucking locked me away in here,” you frowned, feeling sick to your stomach, “They let those people drag me away and lock me in here. Fuck their love, it’s not real!,”

She sighed and nodded knowing nothing she said would change how you feel. She’s seen it plenty of times before. She’s seen people recover completely yet still resent their families and loved ones for sending them here.

“I’m always able to contact them if you ever change your mind,”

“Fat chance,”

——

The nurse walked to the family area to see the hopeful faces of your family and loved ones. They hadn’t seen you in 60 something days.

“I’m sorry but Y/N isn’t feeling well enough to have visitors,” the nurse plays with her watch band and hates to see the way everyone’s faces drops.

“I want to see my sister!,” Keith tugged on Sam.

“What do you mean she’s not feeling well? She should be feeling at least a little fine in this stage right?,”

She sighs and shakes her head, “The stages in recovery are subjective. Chemical dependency is a hard thing to battle- some days she’s fine and some days like today she’s angry at everything and everyone. As much as I would like for her to see everyone, we can not force her,”

Steve stands up and sets a hand on Sam’s shoulder, “On a day, that she’s feeling better, will you call us?,”

“Of course,”

———

“I know she’s still angry,” Sam sent Savannah and Keith to their rooms while he stayed up with everyone else, “She’s my daughter, I know how she is. She holds grudges a-and she’s still upset,”

“Maybe, but she’ll see this was something she needed,” Bruce tried to make things better but nothing would be better until you were.

“How did things get this bad?,” he slammed his glass on the table and startled everyone.

“I know it’s hard right now but just- just calm down, Sam,” Bucky worried about his friend. He could only imagine how much he was losing his mind and hope on the inside.

“Calm down?,” Sam asked incredulously, “Calm the fuck down?! How can I calm down when I don’t even know if I’m going to see my daughter again, man?,” the legs of the chair screeched against the floor as he stood up in a rush.

Wanda rested a hand on his arm to try and soothe him but he wasn’t having it, “We get it, Sam. We know you’re hurting-,”

“But you don’t!,” he shouted, “You weren’t there when I got a phone call at work from her school nurse saying she had cuts all on the inside of her thigh! You didn’t see it! It looked like fucking grid paper and crosshatching! You weren’t there when I had to sit there in therapy and listen to the way she talks about herself and her life and me- my daughter hates herself and genuinely thinks I hate her and she believes everything that goes wrong is her fault- you didn’t hear the way she talked about herself!,”

For longest time Sam kept quiet about all of this, just wanting to push through it until it got better but it was time he faced the music.

“You weren’t there when she screamed at me, telling me she wished she was never born and I just stood there calling her ungrateful, selfish and dramatic! I didn’t listen to her, I only paid attention to Savannah and Keith and left her feeling unloved. You weren’t there when I caught her sneaking out and she was drunk, you weren’t there when I ignored everything the psychiatrist said about her having an addictive personality and excused all the signs she started to display until I fucking found her blacked out with throw up all over her!,”

He realized he couldn’t just pin it all on you. You were suffering and he hated himself for not realizing it until he was.

No one knew what to say- they were only outsiders, sure they were family but they didn’t get an inside scoop until a few months ago when they got a phone call from Sam saying you were in the hospital. They still didn’t know how to handle it. They could fight bad guys and fucking aliens all day but addiction of a loved one? That was new and left them stumped.

“But damn you were there when she talked about being okay with it if this just killed her. No one wants to hear a loved one say that- especially their child!,” he ran a hand over his face to get rid of the tears, he felt like he didn’t have a right to cry, “I did a lot of wrong as her father and I didn’t even think how my shitty actions contributed to where she is now. Now my daughter could be dying while trying to recover,”

Tony stood up and pulled Sam in a hug, grateful that Sam was seeing everything from a different perspective than his own. He was grateful that Sam was a father trying to right his wrongs and do better.

“It’s not too late,”

————

Your nurse came a few times a week letting you know that you had visitors but you turned them away each time.

The cold sweats happened less, you ate more, your skin started to warm up again and you could finally sleep throughout the night but you still wouldn’t see them. It’d probably bring back a ton of memories that would trigger you to relapse.

You earned yourself time out of the facility but only with supervision. Your nurse, Brielle, accompanied you to trips to the park and lunches.

“Y/N?,”

You looked in the direction of the voice and saw Savannah smiling at seeing you but fear just filled you.

She looked different, she cut her hair and dyed it, her make up was softer and her style was more... indie?

“I’ve missed you so much,” she moved in for a hug but you moved away only to see her smile drop, “Y/N, don’t do that. I’m your sister,”

“I’m recovering from substance abuse not amnesia,” You scowled. You turned to Brielle and asked her to go.

“Why can’t you just be normal?,”

Savannah’s voice echoed in your head and you felt a band around your head tightening yet again, it was your body’s reaction to let you know that you need to get out of the situation or else you’d fall subject to a mental break.

“Brielle, we gotta go,” You scooted out of the booth, past Savannah and tugged Brielle out of the restaurant- forgetting that you were even ordering.

“Y/N please! Talk to me! Talk to Keith, Dad! We miss you,”

“Shut up, shut up, shut up!!,” you covered your ears and dropped down against the car, feeling dizzy, feeling every swirl around you as you tried to grasp onto reality.

“Grow through what you go through, grow through what you go through, grow through what you go through,”

You repeated the mantra over and over again. It’s a mantra designed specifically for you. Every patient gets their own mantra for when they feel like they’re losing. Yours is to help you remind yourself that nothing is ever easy but that doesn’t mean give up... life and it’s struggles will always be there but that doesn’t mean stunt your growth and efforts. Grow through what you go through.

“That’s right, you’re doing great,” Brielle whispered, she looked at Savannah over her shoulder and shook her head, “I know it’s hard not seeing her but it’s in Y/N’s best interest that she be willing to see you or anyone else on her own terms,”

Savannah hated to see you crouched on the ground, shaking and mumbling to yourself. She mumbled a sorry before rushing over to her car and crying to herself as she drove home and bursting through the doors, clearly upset to everyone else.

“Dad what’s wrong with, Vanna?,”

Sam looked up to see Savannah cursing to herself, and crying. She wasn’t upset with anyone but herself.

“She looked so scared of me!,”

Sam’s stomach dropped, he didn’t even have to ask who ‘she’ was.

“You saw her?,” Sam didn’t trust his voice and there was a reason for it.

“She was out with her nurse. She looks so much better a-and she looks healthy, she’s eating again. She doesn’t look she’s dying!,”

Savannah was rambling and frustrated that she triggered you like that, “I saw her, I spoke to her but I scared her so bad she fell to the ground and covered her ears so she wouldn’t hear me talking, I- what if she relapses and it’s all my fault?,”

Sam pulled his sobbing daughter into his arms and calmed her down as best as he could, “She’s your sister, anyone in that situation would have done what you did, you miss her and that’s valid,”

It mad him feel good that you seemed to be getting better, that you looked healthy and lively. He just hoped you would be willing to see everyone soon.

------

“You have visitors today but I can send them aw-,”

“I’ll be out in a minute,” it’s been another 30 days and you figured it’s time to face the music, face everyone and maybe get the supposed closure everyone was saying you needed,

You missed her initial shock from your response but she nodded and waited for you anyway. You slipped on your cardigan and slippers, then let Brielle lead you to the visiting area.

Everyone expected to be turned away again but when they saw a second body behind Brielle, they all stood up ready to greet you but she held her hands up in caution

“It’s best to not overwhelm her and to let her initiate any contact,”

Sam just wanted to hug his daughter and let her know how sorry he was but he knew she was right. 

You hated the way you felt their eyes burning into you, you couldn't bear to look at them, not yet, so your eyes focused on getting your foot directly in the center of each tile on floor. Brielle sat you down across from them and told you she’d be right outside if you needed anything.

Then there you all were. Face to face.

“It’s been so long,” Keith whimpered, “I missed you so much,”

You played with a stray string in your cardigan and sighed.

“It’s been a long four months, sweetie. I missed you so much,” Sam just wanted you to look at him. Your hair was getting thick again, you skin shone under the sun, your lips were moisturized with color instead of grey and chapped. He could see you were doing better

“Four months, 17 days, 3 hours, 44 minutes and” You cut your attention to the clock on the wall, “12 seconds,” your voice was hoarse and you cursed yourself for it, “That's how long it’s really been,” you wrapped your arms around yourself as a comforting gesture.

“I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to push you to that point, baby. I should have been better,”

“Life is too short to feel sorry for ourselves,” you looked up at the ceiling light and shrugged, “This place is all about being philosophical. Don’t be sorry, be better. That’s all they fucking say,” you grit through your teeth.

“Like oh, don't feel sorry for yourself- no one forced you to drink so much, no one told you to roll up that dollar bill, no one held a gun to your head and told you to take those pretty pills with cool names that look like candy,” you smiled and laughed at yourself, the nervous tick you’ve developed to keep from crying.

“No one told you to be ungrateful and hate the gift of life that was given to you, so don't feel sorry for yourself, be better,” you used a mocking voice and rolled your eyes, “There’s no need to blame yourself, the common variable is me, I have to be accountable for my actions,” 

Everyone was worried about how scripted this sounded but they dubbed it down to you being a little upset about being forced here, still.

“I still should have been a better, dad,”

“We aaalll make mistakes, Sammy,” he didn’t miss that you didn’t call him dad. Everyone caught it, “But not every dad kicks their family out on Christmas eve with nowhere to go in the freezing cold,”

His heart stopped, he’s never forgiven himself for that drunken mistake. The marriage problems between him and your mom drove him to develop a drinking problem and due to his little problem, it caused him to mess up a lot of things up. 

“Why was it me? Like why did Savannah and Keith get to move past all of this and I’m the one stuck? I’m the one suffering even while recovering?”

No one could answer that.

“Why did I have to be the one to talk to the cops because you sent me back to mom with bruises on my legs, huh? I didn’t want to- I didn’t want them to go after you because you were still my dad- I still loved you after yelling at me at dinner, I still loved you after sending me back to mom early when you couldn’t stand to be around me- I still loved you when you moved away and missed big chunks in my life but you kept Sav and Keith. What did I do? Tell me, please, maybe I can fix it, maybe I can be better. I just want my dad to love me,”

“I do love you Y/N! And I’ll never forgive myself for-,

“Don't be sorry! Be better!,” you shouted over him. Angry with yourself that you began crying.

No one knew what to say. Everyone else was here for support but this was clearly a father and daughter situation.

“Did you ever love me?,”

A question a child should never have to ask their parent.

“When I got the call that your mother was in labor with you on my birthday the world stopped,” Sam sat with his elbows on his knees, looking dead at you but you still wouldn’t look at him, “You were the best gift I could have ever asked for.. ever. After we had you, I can’t tell you what went wrong because I don’t know,”

“It’s my fault,” You sobbed, “Say it! It’s my fault. Had I not been born, everyone’s life would be better!,”

You finally looked at him and everyone could see the fire in your eyes, wild and couldn’t be tamed, your trauma being the fuel.

“It’s not your fault at all. I have failed you as a father and I... I let it go on for far too long without acknowledging it and apologizing for it before it got too late,”

“If I could go back in time to make things better I would. I never wanted you to feel unloved or that life would be better without you,”

He hated to be sitting across from you, your mind dead set on him hating you. He just screwed up a lot in his life.

“I let you down so much. I love you more than you could ever know. I just fucked up a lot as your dad,”

“Y/N, sweetie, I know this is hard,” Tony chimed, “But this could be a new beginning for you both. You’re recovering and he’s trying to right his wrongs before it’s too late. It’s not going to be easy and I know everything hurts and it’s going to take time but you know what they say.. grow through what you go through,”

You didn’t have time to ask how he knew your mantra, but it made sense eventually.

“I forgave you a long time ago, dad,” you pulled your cardigan sleeves down, and used them to wipe your eyes, “I didn’t think it’d matter if I became Falcon’s candy flipping daughter or not, I just wanted to make everything stop. I- I just wanted to be numb so I didn’t feel bad about any and everything,”

Sam didn’t take into account how much you were actually battling in day to day life. He didn’t believe anything the psychiatrist was saying when you were 10, if only he did, all of this could have been avoided.

“I’m still fighting my want to just relapse in anyway I can but... I can’t bring myself to do it because I know if I do, that might be it and I don’t want it to be that way dad,” 

He reached out to grab your hands and could have sobbed when you didn’t move away

“It doesn't have to be,“

------

180 days is a long time, it might not seem like it, but it is a long ass time for someone to go without something that they believe made them better. Someone who took multiple substances at a time just to shut down their mind so they don’t remember things, so they don’t feel things.

“You gonna be ok watching Keith? We need Sav on this,”

“I got him, dad. Just be safe,”

Sam hated to admit it but he was still worried to leave you alone. He made Tony put away all of his alcohol and set up a security code so no one could get in it.

“I won’t have anyone over, I don’t know the code to the cellar. I’m not going to put Keith through that again, dad. Have a bit more trust in me,”

He watched the way your eyes twinkled and nodded before kissing your cheek and heading out with the team.

“Can we play mancala? No one else likes to play it with me,“

“Sure thing, bud. Let’s go,”

You two played mancala for multiple rounds, just for him to beat you almost every time. You two watched Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader for hours while eating shitty kraft mac and cheese before getting him ready for bed.

“Can you stay with me? So I know you’re safe,” 

“Did dad put you up to that?,“

“I just miss my big sister, Y/N,” He sat up and played with his blanket, “I almost saw you dead... you wouldn’t talk to us for forever, I just missed my big sister,” you didn’t mean to make him cry.

“Hey, hey, I’m right here buddy, I’ll stay, okay?,”

You crawled under his blanket and held him tight and he held you even tighter, not wanting you to leave. 

----

You don’t know what triggered the nightmare but you woke up in your own room, right on the floor, sweaty and panting. You never sleep walk. You felt something stick to your sweaty palm and look down to see a small plastic baggie with those pretty blue pills from the night you blacked out. 

You threw it across the room and curled up against the side of your bed whimpering your mantra to yourself.

“Would you like me to call for help?,” Friday spoke overhead.

“I'm okay,” you clenched your eyes shut and did what you could to muster up the strength to just get up and flush them. It should have been a relief to do it but you felt a pang in your chest. You should have been proud of yourself for having the strength to not break sobriety. 

“I thought you said you were gonna be okay?,” Keith’s voice scared the hell out of you, “If you were going to be okay then you wouldn’t look so upset as you flushed them,“

“You have no idea what you’re talking about, Keith. Go back to bed,“

“I’m telling dad,”

“Tell him what?,” you snapped your neck to him, eyes narrowing, “What? that I’m still fucking struggling? Yeah, I’ll tell him myself, bud,”

“He’s gonna send you back,” Keith didn’t mean to scare you, he was just worried and his words weren’t coming out right.

“I’d rather shit in my hands and clap,” you threw the baggie away and walked past him to sit on your bed to just try and calm down.

“Do I need to call him,”

“No,”

“Then what needs to happen?,”

“I need you to just be quiet!,” you hated raising your voice at him, but the rambling and patronizing was not helping.

“I’m calling dad,”

--------------

It was past midnight when they were all headed back and Sam got the phone call from Keith.

“Hey, son,”

“Y/N was walking while she was asleep and then woke up with a bag of pills in her hands,”

“What? she didn’t take any did she?,” Sam’s tone had everyone turning to him with expressions of worry.

“No but she looked sad when she flushed them,”

Sam sighed happily when he heard you’d flushed them. But for you to seem sad while doing so?  that couldn’t be a good thing.

“She’s mad that I called you but you need to know, she locked herself in her room after yelling at me. I can hear her crying and talking to herself. I didn’t mean to make her mad, dad,”

Sam sighed and sat back down beside Savannah who was waiting for her dad to hang up so she could know what was happening.

“She’s going to be okay, bud. You have to understand that what she went through was not easy. She might be out of hat place but she’s fighting everyday  to continue to get better and get her mind far away from that stuff as best as she can. We have to be patient, okay?,”

You had been pacing in your room. You knew all of this would put you so many steps back with your dad and his trust. You flinched at the sound of knocking at your door and his voice.

“Sweetie, open up,” 

You didn’t want to face him right now. You didn’t want to talk about it, nothing. You didn’t need anyone scolding you as you were already scolding yourself. You hadn’t stopped beating yourself up about it.

Sam didn’t want to freak out when you didn’t reply. He didn’t want to admit that he thought the worst, “Honey, please,”

“Dad, I am fine. Get some rest,” another step back. You were doing good not shutting anyone out but the moment something goes down, you forget all your effort.

“Y/N, I am not here to be mad at you. I am here to make sure you’re okay and to let you know I am here. You just gotta let me in,”

You cursed to yourself before walking over to the door to unlock it and let him in. He didn’t hesitate to pull you into a tight hug. 

“I didn’t take anything,”

“I know... even if you did- I wouldn’t be mad at you, disappointed yes, but mad? No. Relapse sometimes comes with recovery,”

You don’t know that Sam had been attending seminars for parents that have kids battling different things such as addiction. Multiple lessons were learned as well as communication pointers. 

“I didn’t mean to do that while Keith was here. I understand if you don’t trust me anymore,”

“I still trust you, Y/N. You don’t need to be beating yourself up right now. You did the right thing in flushing whatever you had, even if it did make you a little sad and made you feel like you needed it in that moment. Be proud of yourself. You took a big step forward by doing that, be proud,”

“How can I be proud when I hate myself for flushing them?,” you had to be honest. You wouldn’t be feeling this if you weren’t presented with them. It made you feel weak. You should be able to look at these things and be able to say no with no guilt.

“Because you flushed them regardless. This takes time, Y/N. I’m being patient with you now, so you have to learn to be patient with yourself. Rome wasn’t built in a day,”

“Yeah well the people who built it up weren’t highed up on something now were they?,” 

“Don’t be self-deprecating. You’re still going strong. Be proud even if you feel like there isn’t a reason to be,”

You knew he was right. Whether you were sad about flushing them, you still got the guts to do it and that’s commendable, you should be proud. You were kicking your ass when you should be happy and feel relief. You shouldn’t be feeling this weight, you shouldn’t be feeling guilty.

You’re growing through what you go through and that deserves a pat on the back.

---------------

You don’t know how you got here. You went back to school and shit came crumbling down. You were going strong but the weight of responsibility and insecurity became too much. Walking down the fucking halls everyday, comparing yourself to every girl that looked like barbie then going to the bathroom to stare at your reflection and pick yourself apart until the voices became too loud for you to handle so you went to the school plug and slapped money in his hand

“Anything will do,”

After school he came back and handed you a black plastic bag with cheap alcohol in it. You hid in an empty class room and barely drank a quarter of the bottle before you felt sick, like your body was rejecting what you were trying to force down into it. 

Your fingers moved faster than your mind, grabbing for your phone and dialing away.

“Hello?,”

You sniffled and held the bottle close to your chest, “Uncle Tony? I- I...,” you hiccuped and hugged the bottle close to your chest, “Uncle Tony, I messed up,”

-----

He was there for you in no time. He knew you wouldn’t want to talk about it but he knew your dad would have to find out about this. 

“I don’t wanna go back. I’m done growing through what I grow through, its a crock of shit,”  you stared out the window, eyes heavy.

“I know the fight becomes annoying,” Tony sighed, “But from the looks of it, your body has already made a decision for you,” 

He was right, a few sips and your body was angry with you. You should be thankful because it didn’t always work like that with other people who were fighting this like you. Others bodies often welcomed such a thing back easily, the bodies of some couldn’t even continue the fight without it before giving out.

“Plus you let someone know, as soon as it happened. Everyone can see your efforts. You may be tired of growing through it but it’s become natural for you and you don’t even realize it, though I can’t blame you. I was the same way,”

He sprinkled that last bit in there like it was a dash of parsley to complete a dish and it had your neck snapping to look at him. “Excuse me?,”

He chuckled and raised his eyebrows all while mumbling “well,” he pulled to a stop light and looked over at you, “I wasn’t always the polished hero I am now,”

He patted your leg in a hopeful manner, “In my days of college, getting drugs was as easy as buying cola from the corner store. Trying to run a company that my dad didn’t really want me to have in the first place to staying up all day everyday to make it through college was bound to get me in some trouble,” the light turned green and he lightly put his foot on the gas to continue the peaceful rid home, “I’d snort some coke to keep me away and focus long enough to study, I thought it was normal because the other students were doing it, until it wasn’t about trying to focus on school anymore. It was about  how high I could get and how good I could feel to the point I couldn’t walk out my dorm in the morning for class without rubbing a little on my gums or cutting up a quick line,”

“How’d you kick it?,” You never would have thought he batted such a thing, he changed for the better and picked himself up.

“The nose bleeds. The doctor told me if I didn’t stop I wouldn’t see the day I graduated. Told me I’d never see the day where I became the man I deserved as a role model as a kid. I wanted to be better than him. In a moment of weakness, my recovery was fueled by spite,” 

“I guess everyone’s come-to-Jesus meeting is a bit different,” you give a small smile and shrug, “Mine was when Keith practically slapped some sense into me. He’s a kid, who wants their little sibling walking around knowing their older sibling is a fucking fiend?,” you give a harsh scoff and roll your eyes as you feel tears coming, “He didn’t deserve to see me like that, that night- in and out of consciousness, watching them pump me full of coal and other shit to keep me alive, that screwed up his head and he’s barely hit puberty yet,”

Tony could almost hear the tears in your voice, you had your head turned to look out the window, he didn’t need to see your face to know.

“He’s your ticket out of the dark room,”

-----

Your dad didn’t put you back in the rehabilitation center because you owned up to knowing you messed up, because you called someone for help, knowing the slight possibility that you might have gotten a few people upset.

It was all trial and error, a constant fight, day and night even in your moments of shut eye. 

It was a learning experience for Sam, it taught him how to be a better dad, taught him that although he can’t go back and change things, he still has now to break habits and form healthy ones and make them the foundation of a healthy relationship between father and child.

He was in your corner and that helped keep your head above water.

Addiction and mental illness were never cut and dry. There’d always be doubts and close calls of near relapse but it was a fight you’d be willing to put up with 24/7. 

You never wanted to be back in that dark room of addiction. Driving yourself insane trying to find the next fix so you feel “normal”- but there was nothing normal about forcing yourself to be numb, there was nothing normal about denying you need help. Nothing normal whatsoever about forcing chemicals that could kill you into your body just to be happy. 

This, this right here was normal. Feeling pain, fighting, crying, trials, everything that you’re feeling now. Feeling is normal, even if it hurts sometimes.

You’d never stop growing through what you go through, but the fight.. that effort you put in.. it’ll always be worth it.

---------------------

this took so long to write because I was never satisfied with it. I kept editing and erasing and adding more. And here is the finished product. It doesn’t have to resonate with you but here it is. Thank you for the love and support you guys always gift me.

REBLOGS AND COMMENTS ARE ALWAYS ENCOURAGED AND APPRECIATED>

tags: @vozit @blackreaders-assemble @retroxvailles @champangebucky @sambucky8 @princess-toshii @sebbyslut @titty-teetee @ilovefanfic86 @valkyriesnymph @dumbchick @mbaku-babygirl​ @veryhellshdia @persephones24 @here-for-your-bullshit @mokacoconut @spideys-wife @xye-weirdo @chonisberonica @disaster-rose @micki-smiles @valentinevirgo @yournonlocalpoc​ @warmchick​ @hisxblackxqueen​

[jodiereedus22]

A Shot in the Dark

A/N: I hope you guys enjoy it if there's anyone that still reads my new stuff lol!! As always want to thank @crossbowking for all the support she gives me!!! 

Word Count: 2293

Warnings: Injury

As night started to draw in, everyone was moving to their posts for the fight that was inevitably about to come, except this time, you won't be ambushed in the middle of the woods, you wouldn’t be caught unawares, this time, you were ready.

You all had everything covered, you were never more ready or more prepared for this fight.

With the darkness now fully settled in, the glow of the moon was your only source of light.

Standing on the balcony of the impressive house which towered over Hilltop, overlooking all the people who were going to be fighting by your side and the temporarily changed landscape of the Hilltop courtyard, you felt a presence beside you, watching over the same as you.

“You okay?” Daryl broke the silence.

“Yeah, I just want this to be over is all,” you said with a sigh.

“Me too, it might not end tonight but we’re gonna give them one hell of a fight, we're not gonna lose this war,” Daryl said confidently as he reached for your hand that was dangling over the balcony.

You allowed Daryl's hand to slide into yours, giving it a gentle squeeze as you looked into his eyes with adoration.

In a split second, you let go of his hand only to wrap your arms around his neck, enveloping him into a hug.

You rested your head in the crook of his neck, taking a deep breath in, breathing in his scent and closing your eyes, you basked in him as he wrapped his arms around your waist, holding you tight against him.

“This ain't goodbye,” Daryl spoke suddenly, almost reading your thoughts.

You pulled back, your hands moving from around his neck to rest on his chest and sighed.

“I know, I just wanted to do that before it all happens,” you said, slight worry in your eyes, but love too, if you would die for anyone it would be the man standing right in front of you.

Daryl lent down and gently placed his lips on yours, so soft and soothing, you drank all of him in.

You hoped this wasn’t the last time you would get to have these moments as you would die for Daryl, you would also fight fiercely to keep both of you alive.

“They're coming!” you heard one of the centuries yell.

“Well, I guess it’s time,” you said solemnly, not wanting this small moment to end.

“Be safe (Y/N),” Daryl told you, placing a hand upon your cheek as he pulled your forehead to his.

“You too,” you whispered, placing a hand atop his on your cheek.

You pulled Daryl in for one last kiss before you both broke away to your positions.

When the fight started everything went by in a blur, you knew exactly what you had to do and you did it without thinking, on autopilot.

So far, the fight was going in your favour, with only a few people with minor injuries - cuts and such like.

You were shooting up Saviours when you heard your name being screamed at a distance, clearly meant as a warning as before you could turn, you looked down your body to see an arrow protruding from your abdomen.

In shock, you fell to the ground only to feel weightless seconds after hitting the floor. Looking up you saw Daryl carrying you away from the battlefield.

You were carried into the main house, to one of the master bedrooms, the arrow still in your side and the battle still raging on outside the windows.

Daryl laid you gently on the bed, trying not to cause you any more pain than you were already in when Siddiq came into the room.

You knew the arrow had to come out, but you were not prepared for the searing pain as you squeezed Daryl's hand as hard as you could until nothing but blackness came over you.

You awoke to silence, the gunfire had ceased, and you guessed since you were alive, you had won this battle.

Daryl seeing you awake rose from his chair to sit by your side.

“Hey, yer awake,” Daryl said taking your hand in his.

“Yeah,” you said with a chuckle, immediately regretting it. “I'm still here,” you reassured Daryl with a small smile.

“Doc said you need ta rest okay,” Daryl told you, leaning down and placing a soft kiss on your forehead.

You gazed into his eyes as he pulled back his lips from your forehead, as you snuggled yourself down and let your heavy eyelids close once more.

The next time you awoke was to the hushed voices out in the hallway.

The voices stopped and the door opened to reveal solemn looks on everyone's faces, including Daryl's, who couldn't seem to look at you, instead resorted to staring at the floor.

You looked around everyone's faces one by one, trying to grasp the situation.

“Guys? What's going on?” you asked out to everyone and anyone who would answer you.

Your eyes landed on Rick’s who stepped forward.

“I don’t know how to say this (Y/N) but, the Saviours, they did something to their weapons, everyone who got cut or shot by an arrow, they died and turned. (Y/N), I'm so sorry,” Rick explained.

You laid there dumbfounded, at that moment you knew death was inevitable, and now you knew the reason Daryl couldn’t look at you.

You were lost for words. Unable to speak you simply just nodded your head in understanding.

“We’ll leave you two alone,” Rick said, guiding everyone out until only you and Daryl remained.

Daryl stayed rooted to his spot when you reached out a hand towards him. His head didn’t move, but you saw his eyes shift to your outstretched hand.

“Come here,” you gently beckoned him over.

Taking a second to comply he made his way to your side without lifting his head from the floor as he sat on the bed by your side.

You reached out a hand to his chin, as you guided his eyes to yours.

“It's okay,” you whispered to him.

Daryl’s eyes widened and his grip on your hand tightened.

“How is this okay (Y/N), you’re dying. It wasn’t supposed to end like this,” Daryl said with tears in his eyes.

“It doesn’t have to end; it'll only end if you let it. I will always be with you, I said I’d never leave you, and I can keep my promise if you help me. Love doesn’t die with death Daryl, as long as you keep me in your heart, I’ll never leave you,” you tried to console him, wiping away a tear that had escaped down his cheek.

You gazed lovingly into his eyes as he did the same to you, staying there as long as possible until your eyes once again became heavy.

Daryl watched you sleep, his eyes not leaving you, not because you could die and turn at any moment, but because he wanted to memorise every little detail about you.

The way your eyes gently blinking under closed lids, the steady breathing of your chest rising and falling, the rosy glow in your cheeks.

He also tried to remember your smile, the way your dimples would make you look so cute, the smile that reached your eyes making them sparkle. They would forever be his light in the darkness that he knew was coming.

He remembered your laugh, how he would have liked to have heard it more often, but in a world like this, there wasn’t much cause to, which made every time you did laugh so special.

But most of all, he wanted to remember you for you. The kindness that radiated from you, even in this harsh and unforgiving world, the seeming softness you had about you, but coupled with that, your strength, your will, your determination, you were strong for this world, you could always hold your own, Daryl knew that but that never stopped him from worrying.

He smiled at the memory of you, giving him the classic ‘stop worrying, I’ll be fine’ looks.

He didn’t want this to end, he would do anything to make it not so. But he had to remember, he had to engrave all your memories together in his brain, he wanted you to stay with him, even if it was in spirit.

Hours had passed, you had woken up, sitting up in bed, sharing memories with Daryl as Siddiq checked on you.

Daryl looked over at Siddiq expectantly.

“She's doing fine,” he told Daryl vaguely.

Siddiq left the room, and Daryl heard mumbling behind the door.

Daryl rose for the bed and headed towards the voices. He opened the door to reveal Siddiq talking to Rick.

As soon as the pair spotted Daryl their conversation halted.

“What's goin’ on?” Daryl asked, slightly annoyed and confused.

Siddiq looked at Rick as if seeking permission, Rick nodded to the doctor.

“I've been checking on (Y/N) as you know, and…”

“And wha’” Daryl interrupted a stuttering Siddiq.

“And there's no sign of a fever, I've never seen anyone last this long without symptoms,” Siddiq explained.

“So, she could be a’right?” Daryl asked with a glimmer of hope.

“We don’t know that, maybe the arrow was a dud, or maybe it's taking longer to get in her system. The point is, don’t get your hopes up just yet, it could be early days,” Rick interjected. “That’s why we didn’t want to tell you yet,” Rick continued.

Daryl’s eyes bounced from Rick to Siddiq to your door.

Not saying a word, he reopened the door, entering your room once again to see you sitting there, a smile on your face at his entry.

“Everything okay?” you asked.

“Yeah, it just might be,” Daryl said, causing you to furrow your brows in confusion, but chose to ignore it, carrying on with talking about your time together, giving a few more memories for Daryl to hold on to before you had to leave him.

The more time that went on the more you wanted it to end sooner rather than later, you thought sitting around talking about the life that you have had with Daryl would be cathartic, and it might have been helping Daryl, for he now had a glimmer in his eye whenever you reminisced, but you couldn’t say you felt the same.

All the talking on what you have had, only reminded you that you would never have more, that fate had chosen for you to only have those memories and any new ones.

You just wanted it to be over, to be at peace and not in the seemingly endless torture of the past with no future.

You tried pushing Daryl away, you weren’t quite sure if you were doing it to make all this easier on him, or to make it easier on you, but it was to no avail, Daryl had refused to leave your side, every now and then sneaking off to have somewhat secret conversations with Rick and Siddiq.

You pretended you didn’t know what he was doing, who he was having hushed conversations with, you thought that maybe they were talking funeral arrangements, it would make sense, but when Daryl stepped out again you had had enough, these were your last moments on this earth, you were not going to leave either being angry with Daryl of having secrets from each other.

“What's all of that about?” you asked as soon as Daryl re-entered the room.

“What?” Daryl asked, perplexed.

“The sneaking out, the secret conversations with Rick and Siddiq, I've seen you Daryl, I haven’t heard what you're talking about, but I know you're talking about something you don’t want me knowing about and I refuse to leave this earth with secrets Daryl,” you took a large breath after your long rant.

“That’s the thing (Y/N) …”

“What’s what thing?” you interrupted.

“It might not be your last moments,” you stared at him in shock as Daryl sat on the bed by your side. “Siddiq seems to think you're not gonna die, he said he’s never seen anyone go this long without showing symptoms. They kept it from me because they didn’t want to get my hopes up, and I guess I don’t want you to too just in case but (Y/N), I think you're gonna be alright,” Daryl explained.

“I am?” you said with tears in your eyes.

You weren’t quite sure what you were feeling, happy and relieved of course, but you were so ready, you had mentally prepared yourself to leave Daryl and now you could have a second chance with him.

You hadn’t realised you were crying until Daryl’s warm embrace smothered you with love.

“We’re gonna be a’right (Y/N). we’re gonna be a’ight,” Daryl repeated to you, stroking your hair to comfort you.

A few days passed, you were back on your feet, with no fever and minimal pain in your abdomen. You were left confused as to how this happened, but grateful it did.

“Hey,” you said as you walked up behind a seated Daryl, wrapping your arms around his neck, pecking him on the cheek.

“Hey yourself darlin’,” Daryl said capturing one of your hands in his as he readied some of his stuff.

“You ready?” you asked.

“Ready ta make some new memories darlin’?” Daryl said, rising from his seated position to capture your lips with his.

“I sure am,” you said breathy still recovering from his kiss.

Daryl placed an arm around your shoulder as you placed one around his waist as you walked over to his bike, ready for your next mission and your next memory together and for many more memories to come.

Taglist: @crossbowking @coffee-obsessed-writer @bluesfortheredj @shutupimtryin2write @fearthewalkingbitch @selenedixon @cbarter @cole-winchester @alyisdead @hopplessdreamer @infinitewcr @blogsporadicartist @mtngirlforever @sassi-luna @twdsunshine @momc95 @emo-potato-virgil @sourwolf-sterek32 @tatertot1097 @wilhelmjfink @coffeebooksandfandom @twdeadfanfic @cutiepiemimi13 @kickin-with-dixon @feartheendlesssummer @twdeadlysins @apocalypse-haven @baseballbitch116 @trashcanband4 @mblaqgi @addiction-survivor25 @mel-2a @spaghettyrogers @xxboesefrauxx @sapphire1727 @little-miss-mischief1 @wontlookaway @bunnymother93 @auntiebyn @saintsisterwriter @theunofficialduke @lilo-1988 @imaginecrushes 

[viostormcaller]

Stringbound Chapter 2

[TW: nausea/vomiting, near car accident, needles, fainting (ask to tag if I’ve missed something!)]

AN: This has been ready for a good while, actually! I just haven’t posted it since I’ve been away. However, since it’s Marvin’s birthday, I thought it fitting to post this today. So, happy birthday, Marvin, and I duly apologize for the awful things that happen to you in this chapter. Now, without further ado, here’s chapter 2!

Read Chapter 1

As the tension finally dissipated from the theatre, Marvin could finally feel that the threat was gone. It was just them now. At first, he let himself calm down and relax while Jackieboy Man called whoever it was he needed to call and informed them on the situation. But then, it hit him all at once, just as the adrenaline from the fight wore off. A dizzying, blinding headache accompanied by ringing ears and followed by a nosebleed. His body began to ache and he felt nauseated and overwhelmed, skin prickling all over. He overdid it, he definitely overdid it. Normally he would take a moment to rest after a show because he needs to recharge after expending his magical energy, despite the amount he uses never being a significant amount. His shows not only never take much out of him, but they also never involve combat, especially when it's an overpowered, unkillable enemy. He actually hadn't fought anyone using magic in a long, long time. Hadn't needed to. He fell to his knees with a grunt, holding his head and groaning.

Jackieboy Man startled when he heard the thump, looking behind him to see Marvin doubled over on his knees. He cursed to himself and put whoever it was he was talking to on hold. "Shit, you alright?!"

"Overdid it," he got out. "Too much-- ngh! Energy…"

"Are you injured anywhere else?" Jackieboy Man asked.

"Nn-nnh," Marvin shook his head. Instant regret. His body lurched and he clapped a hand over his mouth, his eyes beginning to sting. He swallowed thickly and slowly exhaled. "Don' feel well… gonna be sick…"

"Okay, shit, uh… you'll come with me, you can lie down and rest, um… D'you need anythin' else or are you alright?"

"Lie down… 'n a shower… 's it…"

"Alright, gotcha."

"I'll give you… my address. You c'n take me home…"

"Ah… no, can't do that. Sorry. You'll have to stay with me. Not safe with Antisepticeye after you now."

"I can... handle myself," Marvin forced out, his frustration making his head hurt worse. "'m a grown adult. Don' need protecting."

"No, trust me on this one. Please." Jackieboy urged. "I know what I'm talking about. I'm not having anyone else go missing or fall deathly ill under his control, not on my watch. And you're weakened, on top of that. You have to come with me. I've rigged the house in a way where he can't find me or anyone else who stays there. You'll be safe there until the heat's off you."

"...fine," Marvin agreed begrudgingly. Jackieboy Man sounded sincere enough, and the hero did appear to have more experience with Antisepticeye than he did. But mostly, the sooner he could lie down, the better, and at this point he would do anything to speed things along.

"First, though," Jackieboy began, fishing through one of his satchels.

Marvin groaned. Ugh, what now, he thought to himself, clearly annoyed.

Jackieboy Man held out a tissue to Marvin. "Your nose is bleeding."

"Mmh." Right. Aside from the metallic taste coating his lips, he'd nearly forgotten. He pressed the napkin to his nose and pinched it, tilting his head back. His nosebleeds never lasted long, thankfully, so as soon as it stopped a moment later, he was able to shakily rise onto his feet. Though, the dizziness struck back hard, nearly causing him to fall over again.

"Woah, careful! You alright?" Jackieboy asked, rushing over to steady him.

"Mmh… thanks."

"No problem. Y'know…" Jackieboy couldn't help but smirk, "considering you seem to have a connection to cats, I assumed you'd have better balance than that!"

Marvin furrowed his brow and narrowed his eyes at Jackieboy Man, giving him a "what the actual fuck are you talking about?" face.

"Your cat mask?" Jackieboy supplied.

Marvin rolled his eyes and sucked his teeth, turning his gaze away from the hero. "Shut up."

Jackieboy snorted. "Alright, let's get you somewhere safe. Friend of mine should be waiting outside by now. He'll drive us. You don't get carsick, do you?"

"No."

"Good. Alright, easy does it, now… slow steps."

Jackieboy Man slowly led Marvin out through the exit door he sawed open earlier on. They headed through the hallway leading out to the main doors and were hit with the cold night air as they stepped outside. The bright city lights were glaring, making Marvin's eyes hurt. He hissed and shut them, feeling his head pound harder. The cold air was cooling down his overheating body, at least, but he could tell he would be shivering before long.

"That white car over there is where we're headed," Jackieboy Man informed. "My friend -- his name's Chase -- he'll be taking us back to the house."

"Mmh."

"You're really clammy," Jackieboy commented. "Sure you're not comin' down with something?"

"Jus' overdid it…" Marvin got out. "I'll be fine."

"There's a doctor that lives with us. He can check you out if you want?" Jackieboy Man offered.

"Mmh." Marvin really didn't feel like seeing a doctor, nor did he need to, but he also didn't feel like talking anymore. He figured the hero would shut up if he just nodded and agreed. Plus, the sooner he stopped talking, the better, because the nausea was hitting Marvin full force and the last thing he wanted to do was open his mouth to speak, lest more than words came out.

Finally, the pair finally made it to the car. Jackieboy Man helped Marvin in first, who scooted all the way towards the left-most seat, while Jackieboy sat on the far right. Marvin took the opportunity to pull his mask off his face and set it down in the empty space between them.

"Yo, Jackie, everything good?" asked the driver, who Marvin assumed was Chase. "And who's this you got with you?"

"Yeah, Chase, we're fine. Oh, and this is Marvin," explained Jackie. He then turned to Marvin. "Wait, your name is Marvin, right? I was just goin' off the sign on the theatre."

"Yeah, name's Marvin." he mumbled, trying not to open his mouth too much.

"Ah, okay. Good. Yeah, he was targeted at his show tonight. I'm takin' him back with us to stay 'til the heat's off 'im."

"Yeah, alright." Chase sighed. The house was big, sure, but if Jackie kept taking on new people like this… well, he supposed it was for the best. "So, uh… we heading straight back? Or d'you need to stop anywhere first?"

"Nah, just head straight home. Marvin needs to lie down and rest. But drive slow, alright? He's not feeling well."

"Yeah, alright. He injured?"

"No, no. Thankfully he's not. I'll explain later, but he just needs to find someplace to lie down."

"Alright. Everyone buckled in?"

"Yeah, I am. Marv, you buckled?"

"Mhm," Marvin hummed.

"Alright, starting the car now."

Chase pulled out of his parking spot and began to drive off. True to his word, he kept his speed slow, but Marvin could still feel every jerk and bump of the car. He had his head leaned against the window, taking slow, deep breaths, his eyes closed.

"Hey, Marvin?"

"Mmh?" Marvin slightly turned his head towards Jackie's direction.

"You see that pocket on the back of Chase's seat? There's paper bags in there. Keep 'em there just for situations like this. If you feel like you're gonna be sick, don't be afraid to take one, alright?"

Marvin hummed in acknowledgement, going back to closing his eyes. He was trying with all his willpower to settle his stomach as much as he possibly could. He didn't want to resort to using a bag, but he'd be mortified if he threw up in someone else's car. Gods, he hoped he could lie down soon…

Chase was paying close attention to the road, trying to watch his speed and make sure he wasn't driving too fast and not too slow, that he was in the correct lane, when suddenly a car from the complete opposite side of the freeway came barreling at him from his left. He spotted it just in time, largening headlights near blinding him.

"Holy shit!" Chase cried. He rapidly turned the wheel, speeding up to try and get out of the way. Jackie cried out from the back seat and held on tight to the handle on the roof of the car as it swerved and collided with the guardrail, the screech of metal on metal filling the car. Marvin groaned and hissed as his stomach flip-flopped and his head bumped hard up against the window. The other car thankfully missed, and aside from the car scraping against the guardrail, nothing was damaged and no one was severely hurt. He turned on the hazard lights and quickly pulled over, trying hard to catch his breath and calm his heart. His entire body was trembling.

"Shit… you guys… you guys alright back there?" he got out between pants.

"Yeah… think we're good," Jackie said. "Shit, man, what happened?"

"Dude, someone tried to fuckin' hit us."

"Shit, you serious?"

"Yes!" Chase turned around in his seat to face Jackie, eyes wide with fear. "Dude, I swear to god, this car came from the other fuckin' side of the freeway and came charging right at us, like it was trying to hit us. Coulda killed all three of us if I didn't move out of the way!"

"You… you don't think it was a drunk driver, do you?" suggested Jackie.

"Nah, man, that felt way too deliberate to be a drunk driver. It looked like whoever was driving was targeting us."

"...Well, then we better get home fast," Jackie said. "If the road's not safe, then we gotta get outta harm's way."

"R-right, right…" Chase turned back around to slump in his seat and took a deep breath, calming himself. He was still shaking, but he knew he had to get everyone home. They couldn't sit there forever. He reluctantly turned off the hazard lights and, after waiting for all the cars to pass, slowly veered the car back onto the freeway.

Marvin, meanwhile, had a hand over his stomach, feeling it turn and bubble. Throughout Jackie and Chase's conversation, he was desperately trying to fend off the nausea with little success. As the minutes passed by it only became worse. His breathing grew quick, jaw clenched as he tried with all his willpower to keep whatever wanted to come up, down.

"Marvin?" Jackieboy asked frantically, turning to Marvin with a worried look in his eyes as soon as he'd noticed his breathing had picked up. "Marvin, are you okay?"

Marvin didn't answer. His brow was furrowed, sweat beading on his forehead. He hated feeling this way. He hated nausea, the way his entire body prickled with it. He swallowed thickly and tried to steady his breathing, but swallowing triggered his nausea further. He gagged once and then finally his stomach lurched, bile rushing up his throat. Marvin quickly sat upright, clapping one hand over his mouth and using the other to reach out and open up a paper bag. Against his will his stomach lurched again, body convulsing, more bile filling his mouth and spilling out into his hand. He got the bag opened, and no sooner had he done so did he heave, vomiting into it.

"Get it up, Marvin, it's alright. I've got you," Jackie supported.

Marvin felt a hand on his back, rubbing in slow circles. He almost wanted to shrug him off but didn't have the mental energy to, not while also focusing on expelling whatever it was his body was so kind as to reject.

"Marvin's throwing up back there?" Chase called from up front.

"Yeah. Don't worry, none got in the car if that's what you're worried about." Jackie answered.

"Is he okay?"

"Uh… gonna say no on that one. He doesn't look like he's doin' too hot. How far are we from the house?"

"Uh, give or take twenty minutes?"

"Alright. Hang on 'til then, Marv. Okay?"

Marvin groaned, breath hitching as he was stopped up short by another wave of nausea. His head felt like it was being squeezed by a really tight rubber band, only worsening as he coughed and gasped. He wanted nothing more than to lie down somewhere, curl up into a ball and just sleep. When the nausea for the most part subsided, stomach empty of all it had and then some, he went back to leaning against the window, taking slow breaths as he tried to calm his heart and his breathing down.

Finally, Chase was pulling into a driveway. Marvin couldn't see as his eyes were closed, but he felt the car slowing down and heard the sound of tires against gravel. The engine whirred to a stop, the car filling with silence. Finally, there was the sound of Chase unbuckling his seatbelt and the silence was accompanied by cold air as his door was opened.

Chase naturally went outside to inspect the damage. It looked pretty bad… but it could have easily been a whole lot worse. He tried to be grateful for that. He could only force out a breath, running his hand through his hair. He knew he couldn't afford to pay to fix this right now, so he only hoped that this was all the damage that was done.

Jackieboy simply watched Chase from his window for a moment before turning towards Marvin. His eyes were closed and his breathing was awfully… still. "Marvin…?" he whispered. Was he asleep?

"Mmh?" Marvin hummed, not looking up.

"We're home."

"Mm…"

"Need me to help you out of the car?"

Jackieboy didn't get an answer. He hummed to himself and got out, going over to Marvin's side and opening the door. He unbuckled the seatbelt holding him and went to help Marvin up.

Marvin allowed himself to be helped up, but as soon as he moved, the world began to spin dangerously. His vision rapidly blurred and darkened and he collapsed, feeling a quick burst of pain shoot up his arm and through his side as he collided with the pavement beneath him, and then nothing.

"Shit, Marvin?! Marvin, are you okay?" Jackie cried out, bending down. He began to shake him. "Marvin? Marvin! Shit… Chase, Marvin's not responding. Go inside and get Schneep. Hurry!"

"Fuck, dude… yeah, on it!" Chase quickly locked the car before dashing towards the house, nearly tripping on the front steps and almost dropping his keys trying to unlock the door.

"Henrik!" Chase called into the house. "Henrik, where are you, man?" He was met with silence. With a slightly-annoyed huff, he headed straight towards a door on the right side of the hallway ahead of him and quickly threw it open, hurrying down the basement stairs. He finally reached the basement door at the bottom and burst through.

"Henrik," Chase repeated.

"Hm?!" Henrik startled, looking up from the paperwork on his desk and quickly swiveling around in his chair.

"Hen, we need you outside. Someone we're helping fuckin' passed out on the ground."

"Oh, für die Liebe zu…" Henrik huffed and rolled his eyes. He didn't hesitate in standing, though, immediately pulling on his white lab coat that was hanging nearby and grabbing a fresh pair of medical gloves. "Take me to them," he directed.

Chase nodded. The pair of them rushed back up the stairs and out the door, and Chase led Henrik over to where Jackie was, leaned over Marvin's unconscious form.

"What happened? Who is this?" Henrik asked, crouching down beside the stranger's limp body.

"His name's Marvin. He's staying with us until the heat's off him. He was attacked at his show tonight. By you-know-who."

Henrik hummed and slowly nodded in grim understanding. He had no qualms helping this stranger now, now that he had context. "What happened before he collapsed? What symptoms was he having?"

"Uh… he was really clammy, he was nauseous…"

"Was he vomiting?"

"Yeah, he was, though I should mention that was only after the car swerved. Uh… he said he had a headache and his nose was bleeding earlier. I think he said he just overdid it and used too much magic energy? But I still hoped you would check him out anyway, just to be sure."

"Magic? You serious?" Chase asked disbelievingly.

"Yeah, man, another magic user. You shoulda seen it, though. Marvin's powerful."

"Ugh, enough of the chit-chat," scolded Henrik impatiently. "Help me get Marvin inside. Is cold out here and I do not want him getting hypothermia."

"Right, right. Sorry." Jackie apologized.

The three of them lifted Marvin, and while it was awkward, they managed to safely get him inside. After removing his cape, suit jacket, and shoes, they set him down on the couch for now, piling blankets over him and setting pillows underneath his head. Afterwards Jackie and Chase sat themselves at the kitchen table and Henrik heated up the food he'd been saving for them -- he'd eaten his own plate earlier.

"So," Henrik grunted as he sat down in his chair. "You had said the car swerved while you were driving, yes? What happened?"

"Someone… someone tried to hit us," Chase replied.

"Tried to hit you? Are you certain?"

Chase grimly nodded, swallowing what was in his mouth. "Yeah, pretty certain, dude. Car came at us from the opposite side of the freeway. I had to swerve outta the way. Car hit the guardrail, dunno if you saw the damage."

"Yes, I… I saw." Henrik fell silent, mulling this over. "I assume you did not get a license plate, did you?"

Chase shook his head sadly.

"I figured as much. Did you get a look at the driver, at least?"

"No. Headlights were so bright that I couldn't see anything. I mean, shit, it was dumb luck I was able to get us outta the way at all!"

"If the damage is bad enough I might have to be called in to help clean up debris and help the survivors, if that car hit anyone else," Jackie said, his voice having a serious edge to it.

"No, I think you are fine, Jackieboy," Henrik said with a shake of his head. "If they needed help cleaning up, they would have called earlier. Maybe the car did not hit any other drivers?"

"I can only hope."

The three fell silent then, Henrik simply watching over Chase and Jackieboy Man as they ate. Finally, Chase spoke up, setting his fork down.

"...I'm pretty sure there's only one person who would have it out for us enough to try and hit us."

"It… it couldn't have been him," Jackie said. "I dunno where he fucked off to, but… we did really heavy damage to him."

Henrik blinked. This was news. "You… you did? What did you do?"

"It was…" Jackie huffed, laughing silently. "It was mostly Marvin, if I'm gonna be honest. He's really fuckin' powerful, you guys have no idea. Who knows how long he's been eyeing Marvin for, with that kinda strength…"

"Mm, we could use someone like him, then," Henrik said.

"At one point, um… I thought he killed him."

Both Henrik's and Chase's eyes widened.

"Dude… you serious?"

"Swear on my Ma. He was… he was out for a good minute. Had a hole blasted through the center of his skull. But, uh… apparently, he can't die."

Henrik's brow furrowed. "What… what do you mean, "he cannot die?""

"I mean that… he's not alive in the first place. I guess he… never was. Which means I need to look at a different approach to taking him out."

Chase just silently cursed to himself, slumping back in his chair and dragging a hand down his face.

"I do have good news, though!" Jackieboy quickly added. "You know those prototype bullets I've been workin' on? They work! They're pretty effective! If I make 'em a bit stronger, who knows how much damage they'll do!"

"Good, good! So we have a starting point for building defense, then," Henrik said with a relieved smile.

"Seems so, yeah."

Finally, Jackie looked over to Marvin, who was knocked out on the couch.

"So… what are we doing with Marvin?"

"...Well, the only option is for him to sleep on the couch," Henrik said. "Chase has his room, you are using mine, and I sleep down in the lab… the only place left is the living room."

"Guess you're right…"

"I am going to watch over Marvin for the night, make sure he is alright. Are either of you injured, by the way?"

"Nah, I'm good," Jackie shook his head.

"Same here," agreed Chase. "Little shaken up, but I'm all good otherwise."

"Good, good."

"Wait, shouldn't you be by Jack?" asked Jackie.

"I mean, yes, but as of right now, Marvin is the priority. If he is sick, I need to be there in case he gets any worse."

"I can go watch Jack," Chase offered.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, man. I mean…" Chase laughed, "I'm probably not gonna be sleeping tonight, anyways. Might as well do something useful, yeah?"

Jackie nodded and rose. "I'm gonna head upstairs and write everything that happened tonight down, and then head to bed so I can get an early start tomorrow. Gonna head out on patrols in the morning instead of at night just in case his puppets are on the loose. After tonight, can't be too cautious."

"That is a good idea, Jackie. I will be in the living room. Chase, if you notice anything that is not right with Jack during the night, we will swap places. I will go down to be with Jack and you will watch Marvin. Does that sound good?"

"Yeah, sounds good to me." Chase rose as well, grabbing his plate.

"Oh, do not worry about the dishes. I will do them. You two both go."

"Thanks, dude," smiled Chase.

"Yeah, thanks, Schneep. Owe you one." Jackie was about to head upstairs, but a final glance at Marvin reminded Jackie of something important. "Oh shit. Chase, wait, need a favor from you."

"Yeah? What's up?"

"Go down to the car and grab Marvin's mask. It's in the back seat."

"Yeah, got it." Chase pulled his keys out of his pocket and headed for the door, pulling it open and stepping outside.

Jackie headed upstairs while Chase was gone, while Henrik proceeded to wash the plates and utensils. When Chase came back, he set Marvin's mask on the coffee table and headed downstairs to watch over Jack. Once the dishes were done, Henrik headed to the living room to get comfy in one of the reclining chairs opposite and to the right of the couch and proceeded to watch over Marvin during the night. Eventually, though, he fell asleep.

                                                                  ⁂

Marvin groaned as he awoke. His head was still throbbing, his body ached, his middle was sore… He always felt like shit after expending so much energy. This was normal, but it didn't make it any less unpleasant. He went to move his arms so he could sit up and hold his head, but the first thing he was made aware of was the pile -- not one, but an actual, literal pile -- of blankets covering him. He opened his eyes to find that he was on a couch in an unfamiliar living room. Off to his right, he detected the faint sound of someone snoring. It was someone he didn't recognize, sporting skewed glasses and a white lab coat, still detectable despite the darkness of the room. A scientist, perhaps? Or, wait, Jackieboy Man mentioned they lived with a doctor. This must be him. Marvin reasoned he was responsible for covering him in so many blankets. He made a mental note to thank him when he woke up.

Marvin pushed the blankets off of him and pulled himself up off the couch. He spotted his mask sitting on the nearby coffee table. He wondered who brought it inside, considering he didn't grab it before he passed out. Well, better here than in the car, he figured. He couldn't afford to lose that mask; it meant a great deal to him. Pulling himself from his thoughts, he headed out of the living room, trying to make his way around this new environment and memorize its layout so he knew where to go should there ever be danger. Also, it was helpful to know where the bathroom was, considering that was where he was heading.

He was still dizzy, so he made doubly sure to keep one hand trailing against a wall or against a piece of furniture at all times as he (rather slowly) explored this new place. The other was kept against his head. Despite the headache, he tried to take in as many details as he could. From what he gathered so far, the living room and kitchen were right across from each other, with the staircase separating them and the front door located at the point where they meet. Past the staircase was a hallway leading straight ahead from the front door, and there was a windowed door at the very end of the hallway that appeared to lead outside. There was a sole door on the left side of the hall, halfway down, and two doors on the right, one under the staircase and another a few feet down. The one under the staircase was a bit smaller, so given its size Marvin assumed it to be a closet of sorts. The left door, evidently, led to the bathroom, and for now that was all the info Marvin needed. He ducked in, flicking on the light and locking the door behind him.

It took a while for his aching eyes to adjust to the harsh light of the bathroom, but he at least had stopped squinting by the time he washed his hands. He leaned against the counter, taking deep breaths. Everything hurt. As he kept telling himself, feeling like shit was normal after expending too much energy, especially since he hadn't engaged in combat with anyone in a very long time. However, he really didn't feel very well and it was noticeable enough for him to tell that something wasn't right. The dizziness wasn't subsiding and neither was the headache. His stomach was caught between being sore from exertion and a genuine, slightly nauseating ache. What's worse, he still felt weak and shaky, as if yesterday's battle happened an hour ago. Did he really push himself that far? He knew he was slightly out of practice, but something wasn't adding up. He knew he needed to look into it as soon as possible, but for now he simply opened the bathroom door and stepped out, remembering to turn the light off as he did so.

The room looked so much darker now that the light was off. It was hard for Marvin's eyes to readjust. He kept a hand on the wall, feeling his way around and trying to keep himself upright as his vision slowly began to pick up the silhouettes of furniture. Anything large and stable he leaned on until he made his way back to the couch.

Or, well, almost.

It's hard to tell just how much the room is spinning when said room is pitch-black. All Marvin knew was that suddenly, he felt really lightheaded. And then, in a stroke of bad luck, he stubbed his toe against the coffee table and fell with a strangled cry, his right side colliding with the floor.

"Nnh?!" Henrik jerked awake at the noise, sitting up and adjusting his glasses and looking around with wide eyes. "Wh-who is it? Who is there?!" he demanded.

Marvin tried with all his might, but he was too weak and too dizzy to get up. Gods, what's happening to me?! he mentally panicked. He took a deep breath, exhaled, and then attempted to speak. "Hh… h-help me…" he got out.

Henrik quickly rose, adjusting his glasses and moving to flick on the living room light. Marvin hissed in pain as he was once again momentarily blinded by the drastic shift in brightness. This made the headache all the much worse and he whimpered.

"Marvin?" Henrik questioned near-disbelievingly. "Marvin, are you okay?"

"Help… please, help me up…" Marvin begged.

Henrik nodded and quickly got to work, moving the coffee table out of the way first before reaching down to help support Marvin and get him onto his feet. However, he was having a hard time trying to lift him up. It was like he was going completely limp in his arms!

"Ghh-- M-Marvin -- that is your name, yes? Y-you have to-- hhh…! Work with me here! I cannot-- ngh! C-carry you on my own!"

Marvin was trying everything within his willpower to get his limbs to cooperate with him, but they seemed to flat-out refuse. He felt numb from the chest-down. It was getting harder and harder to suppress the growing panic.

"I-I can't move my legs," Marvin quickly got out, eyes blown wide. "Gods, I-I-- I can't move anything! I can't move! What's happening to me?! Gods, what's happening to me?!"

Paralysis? Henrik mentally questioned. That is not a good sign. "Okay, okay, I am setting you down now." True to his word, he propped Marvin up against the couch and crouched down beside him. "Take deep breaths for me, yes? You will be fine. Just relax," he soothed. He even went as far as to take deep breaths along with Marvin -- which actually helped to clear his own racing mind. Once he saw that Marvin had calmed some, he nodded and hummed. "Good, good… now, can you tell me what symptoms you are having?

"I-I can't move my arms or my legs. I feel numb everywhere," Marvin explained, residual panic still present in his voice.

"Are you in any pain?"

"My head… and my stomach, but it doesn't feel sore anymore. It feels more upset than anything else... M-my foot should hurt because I fucking stubbed it on the table but I-I can't even feel that."

"Any other symptoms?"

"I'm still dizzy… the room's spinning. It's… it's making me feel nauseous, actually…" Marvin closed his eyes and took labored breaths. Keeping his eyes shut helped quell the dizziness, which thankfully also aided in easing the nausea, and he'd much prefer it if he could avoid throwing up again by any means possible. Especially since for the time being, he was unable to move.

"Hm…" Henrik reached out, feeling up Marvin's neck. "Lymph nodes are not inflamed…" he mumbled to himself. But then, he stopped up short. "Marvin, are you aware that there is a… a cut on your neck?"

"Hm? No, I was not..." Marvin's brow furrowed in confusion. "That's a bit peculiar… I didn't notice any sort of wound, or even any marks on my neck while I was in the bathroom."

"Well, is very small, so it would be hard to notice unless you looked closely. I… normally I would not pay any mind to small cuts and bruises but... a cut on the neck is not a normal place to have a cut…"

"Hm…"

"Jackie mentioned you were attacked…" Henrik brought up, worry flashing ever-so-briefly in his eyes.

Marvin knew immediately what Henrik was alluding to. And after a very short moment of recalling the events of Antisepticeye's ambush, he knew exactly how it happened.

"That… glitch. He had me at knifepoint. Pressed the blade to my neck and threatened to give me a matching scar if I moved even an inch."

"So he cut you, then?" Henrik asked, shifting as if he were about to stand up.

"Not intentionally, no. When Jackieboy Man took out the glitch's... puppets, I had a brief window of attack. I took it, and in the process I believe he nicked me when his arm swung away due to the recoil."

"Alright, so was not planned… good." Henrik nodded, looking away. He actually rose this time, letting out a breath. "Marvin, I… I have something that may help. Is an experimental drug and I have not tested it yet, so I need your consent to administer it. But I believe it is our best bet."

"Whatever you plan on giving me, I'm certain I've drank far more dangerous potions," Marvin huffed humorously. "Hit me with whatever you have. If you think it helps, I'm completely fine in taking it. Just, please… help me regain the feeling in my body."

Henrik nodded wordlessly before heading for the hallway and rushing down into the basement. Chase jumped as he heard the door suddenly swing open and pulled back the curtain shielding him and Jack, peeking out to see Henrik frantically rushing around the room.

"Henrik? Woah, dude, what's wrong?"

"Not now, Chase!" Henrik snapped. "I explain later!" He made a beeline for a cabinet filled with medicines of all sorts. He sifted through bottles and vials, growling when he couldn't find what he was looking for. He cursed under his breath, mentally scolding himself for losing such an easy-to-spot drug, when he remembered where he put it. With a roll of his eyes and a smack of his palm against his forehead, he sought out a small cooler by one of the desks in the room. He opened it and pulled out a vial with slightly-glowing green liquid in it. Closing the cooler, he set the vial delicately on the desk, steadying it so it wouldn't fall, and went to grab a clean needle, a disinfectant wipe, a band-aid, and a fresh pair of medical gloves. Now that he had everything he needed, he grabbed the vial of medicine and hurried back up the stairs, praying to whomever that might be listening that this worked.

"Alright, Marvin, I have it," Henrik notified, quickly crouching beside him. He set the needle and vial down on the coffee table and began to unbutton Marvin's shirt. Once one of his arms were free enough, he opened the pack of wipes and began to wipe down his upper arm, right below the shoulder. He then reached behind him to replace the used wipe for the medicine and needle and stuck the syringe into the vial to fill it. Finally, he set down the now-empty vial on the coffee table and flicked the syringe a few times to make sure there were no air bubbles in it.

"Alright… I would tell you to hold still, but…" Henrik huffed humorously, "Well, it seems you have no choice, yes?" He stuck Marvin with the needle, slowly injecting him with the medicine.

Marvin watched (or at least, tried to, as he was still dizzy) as Henrik administered the medicine. His eyes then widened as he saw every vein in his body begin to pulse with a green glow.

Henrik placed the band-aid over the area where the needle had stuck Marvin, then rolled up his sleeve and looked down at his watch, softly counting the seconds. Marvin closed his eyes to combat the dizziness and listened to him count, and as Henrik did so, slowly he felt his body begin to regain feeling. At around fifteen seconds he could move his fingers and hands, and by thirty he was able to move his arms and legs. By then, the glow had subsided.

"How are you feeling, Marvin?" Henrik asked.

Marvin swallowed thickly. "Still… still nauseous and dizzy and my head still aches, but I can move again. Thank you, er…"

"Henrik," he supplied. "Henrik von Schneeplestein, but "Henrik" or "Schneep" works fine."

"Right. Thank you, Henrik."

Just then, Henrik and Marvin turned their heads at the sound of the door to the basement stairs opening.

"Hen…?" Chase asked reluctantly, nearing closer. "Everything good up here?"

"Yes, everything is fine now. I am sorry I snapped at you, I was in a rush."

"What happened?"

"Marvin was suffering from paralysis. At first I was afraid he hit his spine on the edge of the coffee table when he fell, but it turns out he had a tiny, little cut on his neck from you-know-who's knife."

Chase slowly nodded, growing wary. "He's… he's not gonna turn, is he?"

"No, with the medicine, he is fine. I had to act quickly before it could advance any further in stage. You know how short the window is, yes?"

"Y-yeah, uh, that's why I asked."

Marvin silently absorbed all this information. It made sense; before Antisepticeye gained control of his "puppets," they all had fallen limp onto the ground. Whatever he'd done to them caused instant paralysis. Because the nick he'd given Marvin was small, however, it took a lot longer for him to be affected.

"Henrik, are you at all versed in alchemy?" Marvin inquired.

"No, I am not, actually," Henrik answered. "But we, um… used to live with someone who was. He was kidnapped and we have been looking for him since. He is the one who came up with the formula for the medicine I just gave you. One of the ingredients was a plant only he knew how to grow, and he would not tell us the name of the plant in case the information got into the wrong hands -- at the time, the house was not fully protected and we could never know who was listening."

"I see."

"Yeah, our plan was to fuck around with the medicine's dosage and the ingredients to make something to wake Jack up. You-know-who is responsible for Jack being in a coma," Chase interjected.

"Er… who is Jack, exactly?"

"Jack is our close friend," Henrik answered, his voice having a slight tinge of sadness to it. "He is also our "patient zero," as it were. He was you-know-who's original host before he took on a physical manifestation of his own."

"So… he's like a parasite, then?" asked Marvin.

"That's the thing. We dunno what the hell he is," Chase said. "Fuck, we just learned today that he isn't even alive!"

"Plus, as of recently, he no longer requires a host to survive. He has evolved himself past that. He is always changing in some way, shape, or form."

"How odd…" Marvin mumbled.

"Yes, very," agreed Henrik. "Jackie's mission once you-know-who is taken out is to take with him a large enough batch of an improved version of the medicine I just gave you and give it to everyone who has become his puppet."

"What's wrong with this version?"

"It is not strong enough, to put it simply," Henrik answered. "As I mentioned before, this is an experimental batch and I have not tested it. However, based on the formula, the dosage I gave you is only supposed to be enough to fend off the beginning stages of his corruption. Had I let it progress any farther, I would not have been able to save you. The window is very, very short, only about five minutes or so after you start displaying the initial symptoms. That is, if you have managed to escape him alive at all. But usually the wounds he inflicts are enough to kill, anyway. Apparently, however, the smaller and more shallow the wound, the more time his "toxin" needs to act. I would do a test study on this, but is far too risky."

Marvin simply nodded, understanding, absorbing all the information presented to him.

"You are lucky I had some of that medicine. The batch is very small and we are trying to conserve as much of it as we can until we can find our missing friend."

"What is the name of this friend of yours?" Marvin asked.

"JJ," Chase answered, his expression matching his voice. Grim. "Jameson Jackson. He was… he was like a son to me." He rubbed his arms and sighed, looking away. "I wish I could do more to help look for him…"

"Chase, I keep telling you that you do plenty!" Henrik argued.

"Yeah, and you and I both know that that's bullshit," Chase shot back, eyes narrowing at him. "I can't fight. I don't have any strength. I don't have powers like JJ did or Marvin does or medical knowledge like you do or intelligence like Jackie has. I have nothing to offer except my fucking car. But god, I swear, if I had powers, you bet your ass I'd be out there every single fucking day looking for JJ."

Henrik huffed. "Then maybe it is for the best that you do not have powers. That way you do not get yourself killed searching day and night."

"You do not need powers to make yourself useful," Marvin spoke up. He swallowed, holding a hand over his stomach. It felt fine for a little while as they were speaking, but now it seemed to be upset again. He took a slow breath and continued. "Maybe it is a bit... hypocritical for someone with powers to be telling this to you, but… my words have truth to them. Sometimes it is… it is those who have no powers that are the most helpful. Usually, they are the ones behind the scenes, keeping everything afloat. If…" he took another breath, shutting his eyes. His headache was worsening. "If all you had was everyone on the front lines and no support, your team would go down rather fast. Take my shows for example. Yes, I'm the one doing the performing, but without the crew behind the stage, I would have nothing."

"I… yeah. Yeah… I understand…" said Chase finally, rubbing his arms and looking down at his feet.

"Are you okay, Marvin?" Henrik asked, watching his change in demeanor.

Marvin had gone to taking slow, deep breaths, a hand slowly rubbing his stomach. He shook his head. "N-no… I feel sick… D-does that medication have any side effects?"

"I do not know. Like I said, I have not tested it."

Marvin just groaned in response, clenching his jaw slightly.

"Do you need a bucket?"

Just the thought of throwing up made Marvin's stomach protest. He lurched a bit and one of his hands rose, suspended in midair, waiting to see if he needed to cover his mouth, eyes wide and almost confused. He quickly nodded.

"Scheisse." Henrik quickly moved, as if he were going to rise, but Chase stopped him.

"No, you stay put. I got it." Chase hurried over to the closet under the stairs, searching for the mop and bucket. Once he found it, he left the mop behind and rushed over with the bucket, handing it to Marvin. He took it gratefully.

"Thanks," he muttered. He adjusted himself, leaning over it and closing his eyes. He took deep breaths, shuddering as the faint yet potent odor of cleansing chemicals slightly stung his nostrils.

"Yes, that's it. Deep breaths, Marvin, there we go…" Henrik comforted him, slowly rubbing his back. Chase stood by in case he needed anything else.

After a few minutes or so, simply swallowing his saliva became near impossible. Between labored breaths he spit up into the bucket and soon his stomach finally started to revolt. His entire body tensed as he gagged, his free fist clenching, and shortly after did he actually begin to be sick.

"Shhh… yes, that's it, Marvin… just get it up, you are alright…" Henrik soothed. Meanwhile his mind was racing. If this medicine had side effects, he needed to know and mark them down for future patients. So far nausea seems to be one, but at the same time, Marvin was already feeling nauseous beforehand. Still, he figured it would be smart to write it down just in case. "Chase," Henrik spoke up. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Yeah, sure. What's up?"

"Bring me a pen and some paper? I need to make a list of potential side effects this medicine might have."

"Oh, gotcha. Yeah, on it. Be right back."

Marvin felt awful, if he didn't already feel awful before. On top of the returning nausea and newly-worsened headache, his entire body felt sore, every nerve filled with a deep-seated ache. He felt out-of-it and as he lifted his head slightly and looked around the room, he found he was seeing triple. He mumbled something unintelligible before dipping his head back down over the bucket and heaving again.

"Marvin?" Henrik asked. "Are you okay, my friend? Can you repeat that?"

Marvin mumbled again. Even he didn't know what he was saying. He was panting hard, he was having a difficult time breathing, he could barely keep his eyes open… he felt shaky and weak and he didn't even have the brain power at the moment to contemplate what could possibly be wrong with him.

There was the sound of someone coming up the basement stairs and Henrik turned his head in time to see Chase come into view, pen and notepad in hand.

"Yo, got your-- holy shit, what's wrong with Marvin? I was gone for, like, two seconds!"

"I-I do not know, Chase!" Henrik replied, eyes full of worry as he turned back to Marvin. "One minute he is vomiting and the next he is mumbling nonsense at me!"

"He looks, like… really fucking out-of-it," commented Chase. "Is he gonna be okay?"

"I-I…" Henrik hesitated. He honestly didn't know, but… "Yes, I… I am sure he will be fine," he replied, turning back to Chase. "If his breathing issues and nausea persist I might have to administer more medications and have him rest in a bed down in the lab instead of on the couch, just to be on the safe side."

Henrik and Chase both sounded so far away to Marvin. Their voices were muffled so he couldn't understand them at all. He set the bucket beside him. He felt insanely lightheaded, and something in him knew that he wouldn't remain conscious much longer.

"M'gonna pass out…" Marvin mumbled.

Henrik stopped up short, turning back to Marvin with slightly-widened eyes. Did he hear that correctly? "Marvin? What was that you said?"

But Marvin couldn't hear him. He could feel his body giving out on him. Finally, his eyes rolled back in his skull and he slumped to the side, causing a loud thump as his body hit the carpeted floor.

"Marvin?! Marvin!" Henrik scrambled closer and tried to tap his cheek to get any sort of reaction out of him, but he got nothing.

"Holy shit, what are we gonna do?!" Chase cried.

"Chase, go wake up Jackie! Hurry! Have him help you bring my medical equipment up here. Oxygen tank and mask -- he needs more oxygen! Go!"

"O-on it!" Chase threw the notepad and pen on the coffee table and hurried up the stairs, yelling for Jackie on the way. Meanwhile, Henrik stayed with Marvin, trying to get him to wake with no luck.

If the medicine in that small of a dosage was this unsafe to use, then they needed another plan, and fast.

Taglist: @taizu-lazure @bupine @innocent-angel3 @immabethehero @wowowgoodurl @n-anon @g-rexthedino @scarletender @coconutpillow05 @friezzzboiii @jade-orade (some of the tags aren’t working and/or are missing, so I apologize for that. lemme know if you wanna be added to the taglist!)

[chronicmigrainetime]

Hey, so this is a bit of a vent but also an ask for help. Either way, feel free to ignore if you need.

I suffer from chronic migraines. I know they wont ever go away, but I need them to be manageable. Every time the weather changes, I get anything but 12 hours of sleep (which even then I'm still exhausted), I eat a new type of food (or something other than like, the same 5 meals), reading, going outside, when I get excited, stressed, bored, literally anything, I get a migraine. This leaves me walking on eggshells and unable to keep up with schoolwork because I'm in bed with a migraine and/or brain fog has caused me to forget the past few months. My neurologist has sent me away every time saying I need more therapy and to talk to a psychiatrist because I have anxiety. This has been happening for years and while admittedly anxiety can cause a couple migraines, being able to manage my anxiety doesnt make any improvement. Also, I cant just turn off my emotions. Like I said, any emotion or thought process, with good or bad associations, makes my head hurt. I've also literally been told to take less medicine, which is not an option for me. I just need a bit of advice on how to get my doctors to listen, because I'm already struggling with being sick all the time and another disability I'm still trying to get them to listen about.

So, I guess my questions to you and to anybody else that struggles with this are: What's the best way to approach my doctor and communicate to her that I need something else than doing yoga or more therapy? How do I push for more ways of management rather than ibuprofen and not having to resort to holistic medicine being my main course of action because I don't have any other option? How do I know when to walk away because I'm not getting the treatment I need? Lastly, how do I keep up with life and what my neurologist is telling me to do when I struggle with brain fog and my parents (the only ones able to attend my appointments with me) aren't a reliable source of said information?

I guess, it'd also just be nice to know that people are or have been in the same boat as me. That this isnt just me being overdramatic and that it's not all in my head.

Again, sorry for the long, rant-y ask.

Hi six-video-game-peaches!

Firstly wow, I’m kind of honoured to get an ask! I’m glad I seem like someone who maybe knows some things 😛

I can really relate to a lot of what you’ve said here, you’re definitely not alone in this and you’re certainly not overreacting. Migraines are terrible and trying to get through to doctors about them can be very difficult. Personally, I also get migraines that seem to be triggered by Everything, I’ve also had difficulties with work because of migraines, and I’ve also had treatment refused until I’ve had more therapy first. I’m sure others have had similar experiences too.

Don’t worry at all about this being long and ranty! (As long as you don’t mind a long and rambly answer!) These are all very valid frustrations and important questions. That said I am going to break this down a bit and answer each question individually:

What's the best way to approach my doctor and communicate to her that I need something else than doing yoga or more therapy?

In my experience when doctors are dealing with migraines they like to see:

a headache diary (more info on that here)

an indication of how many days a month you have migraines and how many of those days are debilitating (e.g. for me it’s 30/30 and 28/30)

a list of things you’ve already tried

Doctors seem to be reluctant to prescribe treatments until other things have been ruled out. Some of these things make sense (for example I was checked for anaemia, and had an MRI to check for brain cancer), but a lot of them are just attempts to dismiss you, which is very annoying. Blaming anxiety often seems to be one of the latter. Migraines and anxiety can be related but if managing your anxiety makes no improvement on your migraines (as is the case for me too) I think it’s safe to say anxiety is not the cause.

I would recommend being firm about what you have tried — and how it has (or hasn’t) affected your migraines — , what you can’t try*, and what you want to try. Sometimes writing a physical list and giving it to them to read can help if being firm out loud is too daunting

*The reason your doctor will have asked you to try coming off medications is to try and rule out medication overuse headache, but if coming off medications is not an option your doctor should be focused on trying to help you manage your migraines within those constraints

How do I push for more ways of management rather than ibuprofen and not having to resort to holistic medicine being my main course of action because I don't have any other option?

I think a good first step is figuring out what you want to try next, because doctors often don’t know what treatments are available. I’m not sure where you’re based so this might be too UK centric but this website is a very good resource for the kinds of treatments that are available. (It's also just a very good resource on migraines in general, I hightly recommend it)

Personally, when I initially started trying to push for more treatments, I was able to compromise with my doctor on trying a migraine medication that is also an antidepressant (amitriptyline) because he wanted to put me on antidepressants anyway

(Since then I have also tried pizotifen, propranolol, nortriptyline, sumatriptan, topiramate, some non-medication treatments like physio, and I’m currently awaiting a referral for botox, which is to say there are many treatments available so don’t be disheartened if the first thing you try doesn’t work)

How do I know when to walk away because I'm not getting the treatment I need?

I’m no expert in this (not that I am in any of the rest of this either), but in general a good doctor will listen and believe you, and provide options for your treatment but let you decide what is best for you. Doctors who are like this are sadly hard to find but they do exist!

I don’t know your situation, but at the end of the day doctors work for you, so if they’re not meeting your needs it might be time to move on

how do I keep up with life and what my neurologist is telling me to do when I struggle with brain fog and my parents (the only ones able to attend my appointments with me) aren't a reliable source of said information?

I’m not sure entirely what you’re asking here but my general keeping-up-with-life-with-migraines advice would be:

rest when you need to rest

get accommodations as soon as you need them (which could include asking your neurologist to provide the information they’re giving you in a way that is better for you, or talking to your school about accommodations that can be made there)

you are more important than whatever work it is you’re doing, don’t push yourself to breaking over it

 I don’t know if I entirely answered your questions but hopefully something in this will be useful. I hope you are able to find some relief from your migraines and I sincerely wish you all the best 💕

 I am also very aware that this is only the thoughts and experience of one person, so any followers who wish to contribute please feel free to do so!

[ertrunkenerwassergeist]

Born Into the Wilds - Snippet

This chapter is already 8 pages long and still not finished XD

Hhhmmm, what to choose...

.

.

“I would have loved to see their faces though,” Libertus suddenly said, jarring Nyx out of his thoughts.

“What?”

“With the fire-ash. I would have loved to see the Insomnian's faces when it suddenly grew up from under the streets.”

Crowe gave an amused snort. “Probably as dumb as yours was.”

“Hey! You weren't a paragon of serenity either, so you have no room to comment.”

The two glared at each other until Crowe huffed and rolled her eyes good naturedly. “Yeah, whatever.”

By now they had all seen the newsreels about it. Interviews with upset pedestrians and citizens that their beautiful city had been blighted by a blessing of Ifrit. But on moogle net there were quite a few people voicing their interest in learning more about this. Especially young people. It was strangely heartening in a way.

Nyx looked out his window at the large form of the fire-ash peeking out from behind the buildings. It's crown had grown around the main street of Insomnia and the Founder's Plaza along with a few other places. It looked like round islands of bronze and green in all the grey. Currently there were concerns flying around about how much light the lower districts were getting now with the tree blocking out much more of the sun than the buildings already had, but Nyx could already tell that somehow they now had even more light and that the air had become cleaner.

“You think the sinehär gisdrauhti will declare it a sacred sight?” Pelna asked no one in particular.

“Don't think so,” Crowe answered. “They would never declare something of Astral making sacred. Also, it's at a too inconvenient a place to set up a sacred sight. I give it until noon today at most until the children are climbing all over it.”

“No bet,” Libertus snorted, amused.

The sudden ringing from a phone made them all twitch. Libertus gave a quiet slew of curses and fished his phone out of his pocket, it's screen lit up and emitting a series of semi-melodic high pitched jingles. He answered in Lucian.

“Yeah? Ostium speaking. - Wait, how did you get your hands on this number? - Yeah, okay stop. What did you call me for? - Know what, get yourself over here and we'll talk about our training sessions. - Of course that's alright. Why wouldn't you be able to come down here? We didn't shut us off from the rest of the city, you know.” Libertus sighed and rolled his eyes before giving out the address for Nyx' apartment. “You know how to find it? - Good. See you in an hour then. And don't be late.”

“Did you just invite the Amicitia kid for food?” Nyx asked with a raised eyebrow.

Libertus stared down at his phone like he couldn't believe he had just done that. Suddenly, Nyx grinned.

“Admit it. The kid grew on you.”

His hunting-brother scowled and shoved Nyx in the shoulder. “Shut it, you.”

“But you don't deny it,” Nyx singsonged and ducked out of the way of the kitchen towel sailing his way.

Someone clapped their hands together to gain their attention. It was Crowe.

“Okay, playtime is over. If we want to eat at a reasonable time today, we need to start to clean up. No getting out of it Luche! Don't think I didn't see you try to sneak away. You can help Libertus in the kitchen.”

The bond's expression did not change eve a little bit as he walked over to the kitchenette, where Libertus had finally started to sort through the bags. As always, he had bought at least thrice as much as should be needed.

Nyx turned back towards his bed and started to resort the loose papers into their proper binders, all carefully labelled for easy manoeuvring. It was done relatively quickly, so after he was done, he went to help Crowe, who just shooed him away. So he just shrugged, turned the TV louder and retreated into a corner to mix some limeschti after his Clan's recipe.

“... live from the Founder's Plaza.”

“Thank you, Lucius. I'm here at the Founder's Plaza where you can see the very top of the fire-ash. It appeared yesterday precisely at high noon, causing a minor accident on the Insomnia Main Street and surprising the pedestrians here,” a female reporter in a muted green military styled blazer spoke into a microphone.

“They still harping on about that?” Libertus wondered out loud. “That's old news already!”

“Not for Insomnians,” Luche said. “You know they love to regurgitate things like that again and again, until no one wants to hear it anymore.”

“Thank you. And that was Julia Videte, life on-site. And now please welcome in our studio renown biologist Doctor Sania Yeagre. Thank you for coming, Doctor.”

The screen showed a woman in her early to mid thirties with dark skin and black, curly hair done into a bun on top of her head. Large glasses framed eyes that glinted with a childish enthusiasm rarely seen in adults.

“The pleasure is all mine,” she said, a bright smile on her face.

“What can you tell us about the general attributes of a fire-ash?”

“The Fraxinus Ifriti, commonly known as fire-ash, belongs to the olive family. Since the fall of Solheim this tree has become exceedingly rare, for a few centuries it was even considered extinct until they found a living specimen during the construction of the Tomb of the Fierce on Mt. Ravatogh. It also is the slowest growing tree on Eos, with barely half a centimetre per year. Studies also showed that its sap could be used as a strong curative.”

“Can I infer from the scientific name, that there is a connection to the Infernian?”

“No shit,” Libertus muttered, causing Nyx to snort.

Sania Yeagre, not at all perturbed by the leading question, nodded enthusiastically. “Yes! In some of the earliest botanical works we have today, it is listed as a symbol of Ifrit's blessing. Which is why the tree must have been very common during the existence of the Empire of Solheim. It is depicted in near every work of art we have left of that time.”

“Then the fire-ash that spontaneously sprouted from Little Galahd, can be seen as a sign of the Infernian blessing the Galahdian people?”

“I imagine so. This is a very rare opportunity. I returned to Insomnia as soon as I heard of the fire-ash's existence. Hopefully the Galahdian leader will let me study it.”

Nyx shared a look with Pelna, who had also finished cleaning up his papers. He stood by the door, papers and laptop crammed under one arm.

“I'll be back soon. Just need to put these away and get Tethys, Moireus and the girls. We'll also bring another table and some chairs. There's no way we'll fit all at this tiny thing you call your dining table, Nyx.”

“Hey. I haven't needed a bigger one until now.”

“Time to get a new one, then,” Pelna teased and slipped through the door.

Nyx scowled after him while Crowe and Libertus snickered and Luche's lips ticked up into a grin. A knock came from the open doorway. There stood Athina, her hand raised and a smile on her face. She looked gorgeous in the dark red tunic dress with a wide cream cloth belt.

“Athina!” Nyx exclaimed, surprised and joyous. “Come in. Can I offer you some tea?”

“Good day, Nyx. Thank you, that would be very appreciated,” she smiled.

She stepped into the apartment and towards the table that looked like nothing had changed for the last ten minutes. Still papers were everywhere but woe to the person who wanted to help Crowe clean up her mess.

“Can I help you? Four hands are faster then two,” Athina asked the other woman.

Nyx was about to open his mouth to tell the dark skinned woman that it was hopeless to ask, when Crowe squinted at her and nodded after a few seconds of staring, which Athina bore patiently. Libertus gave him a wide eyed look. Crowe never let people help her with cleaning. Never. Athina, not knowing what had just happened, just asked their storm-sister where which papers went and started to help as per her instructions.

Very deliberately Nyx turned around and reached around Luche to fetch another tea cup. His last one, since he only owned four. He poured the last of the tea he had made earlier, and earned himself a bright smile when he set it down at a spot of now paper free table. The answering smile growing on his face was more of a flirty smirk that made Crowe roll her eyes.

Not too long after that there was a roast in the microwave oven and Libertus had gone to fetch Crowe's to put the second roast in. Because one was apparently not enough with the amount of people who were suddenly coming. Pelna returned with Tethys and the children not too long after that, bearing a foldable table and chairs along with more dishes. Nyx sent them a grateful look.

“Nyx!” Moireus cried and barrelled into his legs to give him a tight hug around the waist.

“Buhgil! How have you been? My, have you grown taller?”

Nyx tousled the boys hair, which earned him a bright, toothy smile. “I grew this much!” He held his thumb and index finger about two centimetres apart. Nyx nodded, impressed.

He looked up and gave Tethys, Ker and Dione welcoming smiles. “Thanks for coming.”

“Thanks for having us,” Tethys returned with a smile of her own.

“Don't mention it. I think Libertus' secret ambition for today is to feed the whole house with how much he bought.”

“I want to see the pretty tree!” Moireus spoke up, tugging at Nyx' trouser leg.

“You need to ask your parents that, buhgil. Maybe they'll take you tomorrow, if you're on your best behaviour this evening and go to bed without complaining.”

“I will!” the boy nodded eagerly and ran over to his mother to tell her, even though she had clearly heard every single word being spoken.

The TV was turned off and someone set up a CD player on his chest of drawers. At once a lively drumbeat filled the apartment along with their chatter and the smell of meat and steaming vegetables. It gave Nyx a sudden pang of homesickness. What would it be like to do something like this again in his Clan house? To fill it with voices and music and laughter? He hoped he would find out sometime soon.

Not long after everything was set up, the tables and chairs cramped into all the available free space, and they were just starting to set down the plates, there was another knock at the door – which, surprisingly enough, had been closed sometime during this endeavour. Nyx, who was closest, opened it.